


lights, camera, go! i mean, action!

by hamleting



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Coming of Age, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, but like after highschool, jaemin is a film student, jeno is just clueless, somehow this ended up being a
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 49,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25702078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamleting/pseuds/hamleting
Summary: Jeno is a small town boy, fresh out of highschool and with no idea of what to do next. Somehow, he ends up living in the city with two cleaning freaks, finds a job at a shitty pizza place and starts helping a film student with his crazy projects. What he didn't expect was for said student to have electric blue hair and a smile that could knock him out for days. But that's okay, he just had to make sure not to fall for him during the short time he was staying in the city. Easy, right?
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 148
Kudos: 304





	1. Chapter 1

Jeno had no idea what he wanted for his life. 

Fresh out of high school as he was, he found himself deep in a pond of confusion and guilt as he saw all his friends fly to cities far, far away, following their dream paths towards college and leaving him friend-less in his little town. Jeno didn't even know if he wanted to go to college. How could he have any idea of what he wanted to become, just at eighteen? 

His mom had been more than understanding about the gap year — maybe a little too understanding. If it wasn't for his dad, who pressured him into getting a job to gain some experience in the "real world" and make some money of his own, he'd have probably spent all year stuck in his room, wallowing in self-loathing as he played his nights away on his Nintendo while stuffing chocolate in his face. 

So maybe it was good for him that his parents shipped him straight to the big city to live with his brother for a few months, no warning, just out-of-the-blue tough love and a kiss on the forehead. At least that's what he's trying to convince himself of as he gets off the plane, dizzy due to the city air filled with unexpectedness. 

He takes a deep breath and grasps the straps of his backpack like his life depended on it, taking quick little steps as he follows the current of strangers making the way through the bridge and into the airport. It's not like he's never left his hometown before, but most of the places he's been to he visited by car, and not even day-long journeys or anything but more like spontaneous visits to the nearest city. This is the very first time he's been on a plane — hell, the first time he travels alone. So he has a right to be this terrified, right? 

After a hectic visit to the baggage claim area (his suitcase ended up making three full rounds around the carousel before he actually grabbed it, in part because he was too shy to make way between the anxious passengers and in part because it's in Jeno's nature to always be distracted), he goes looking for his brother Doyoung. He finds him soon enough, waving at him amongst the moving mass made of teary-eyed relatives and apathetic drivers, and as soon as he walks up to him his brother wraps him in a tight hug. 

"Ahhh!", Jeno complains, although he's just as excited and relieved to see a familiar face after what appeared to be a never-ending flight. 

"Sorry, had to pump up some life into that ghostly face", Doyoung steps back and makes a mocking pout, "Did the mean flight attendant poison your food?" 

"Come on, now", Jeno frowns as he adjusts the straps of his backpack, "Don't act like you weren't just as scared the first time you came here." 

"Luckily there was no one to witness that, so we'll never know." 

He looks exactly like last time Jeno saw him, when he visited on his Summer break about a month ago. His ever-slim figure and slick black hair had always given him an air of quiet sophistication, the kind of silent guy who's always in the back of the room but looks interesting instead of awkward (Jeno would often be the latter). Of course Jeno had the slim figure and the black hair too, but his brother had the ability to always look put-together, even if he had just woken up and grabbed the first thing he found in his closet. Even now, looking mostly ordinary with a simple plaid shirt over a black t-shirt, he still had this aura to him, like he knew exactly what he was doing. And then there was Jeno, who just now realized he had a shoelace untied (and probably for a while since it's already kind of dirty). 

Doyoung grabs his luggage and leads the way to the parking lot, Jeno close behind as his wide eyes take in the ever-flowing current of people from different nationalities. 

"We'll just leave this at home and then we can go for some pizza, how'd you like that?", Doyoung says as he puts his suitcase in the trunk of his sort of deplorable looking (and with an... animal smell? Did he have a dog?) car. 

"Yeah, sure". He doesn't think he could stomach more than a peanut right now, but whatever. 

As Doyoung drives them through the highway and into the city Jeno marvels at his surroundings. He's never seen buildings as tall as these, and he wonders how safe it could actually be living that high up and if they have enough oxygen, then he realizes how small-town-boyish that single thought is and decides to never express it. 

One of the first things Jeno notices is how loud the city is. Used to the quiet life of a friendly neighborhood, suddenly finding himself in the epicenter of the rowdy city streets scares him and excites him in equal measures. He also notices how slow the traffic is. They've been on the same block for about two minutes now, the agglomeration of cars, buses and taxis filling the air with noise and smog. 

"I can't believe you have to drive to uni like this", he says. 

Doyoung scoffs, "Drive? I'd have to wake up at three a.m. for that. No, this is just a special occasion. You'll soon realize the subway is your best friend, _and_ your worst enemy during rush hours." 

"Then why do you own a car?" 

"It's not mine, I just borrowed it from a friend." 

"Oh", Jeno nods, as if hearing his brother say _I borrowed it from a friend_ like he was talking about a ballpoint pen wasn't crazy to him at all, "That explains the smell." 

"Yeah, he rescues a lot of stray cats and dogs. We lived together for a while and God, the amount of animal hair he brought to the apartment", he shudders, "Insane." 

They finally reach his building: a slender, brick-walled construction squeezed between two identical ones but of different color. Jeno's eyes travel its height, following the black fire escape stairs that adorn all the front up to the sky. 

"How high up are you?", he asks as Doyoung looks for his keys. 

"Fifth floor. If we're lucky the elevator will be working by now", he opens the door and holds it as he signals his brother to come inside. 

Jeno shyly steps in, his eyes adjusting to the dim room as Doyoung mutters a curse behind him. Jeno follows his eyes and sees a worn-out cardboard attached to the rusty elevator, reading _out of order_. 

"Since you are my guest I'll carry your suitcase half the way, but since you felt it was absolutely necessary to stuff your entire room in it, I'll do the first two floors and you'll do the rest", Doyoung says as he heads to the stairs. 

After probably the longest five minutes of his life Jeno reaches the fifth floor out of breath, Doyoung waiting for him as he lays against the door while he plays with his keys. 

"Yeah, you'll get used to that too", he says as he opens the door. 

Jeno isn't sure what he was expecting to find, but it wasn't this. The place is squeaky-clean, from the wooden floors to the cutlery he can already see in the kitchen across the small living room (only separated from this one by the kitchen counter), from the cushions neatly placed over the couch to the books arranged by color. Given the state of the building he'd thought the apartment would look just as grim, but he'd also forgotten how tidy his brother's always been. 

"Taeyong is at work so feel free to scan the place", Doyoung says as he closes the door behind him. 

Right, Doyoung had a roommate. Apartment-mate? Flatmate. 

"I figure your flatmate is just as obsessed with cleaning as you are", Jeno says as he goes to the little window to admire the family of succulent plants bathed in the afternoon sun. 

"You have no idea the kind of people I had to deal with until I found him", Doyoung says, then winces, "Ugh, don't ever tell him I said that". 

Doyoung shows him the bedroom they'll share — 

( _"Don't think for a moment I'm giving you the bed. I had a friend lend me an extra mattress so consider yourself lucky"_

_"Is it the same friend who lent you his car?"_

_"I can't believe you have the nerve to assume I don't have more than one friend. But... Yeah."_ ) 

— and the part of the wardrobe that will be his for the following months. Jeno didn't really plan how much time he would stay, since it wasn't even his idea in the first place, but he doesn't want to invade Doyoung's small apartment for too long either. Besides, he still had to see how crazy it was to live with two cleaning freaks, and whether they would kill him in his sleep if he forgot to close the toothpaste or left mug-circles on the coffee table. 

They go to a pizza place just around the corner — a tiny place under an amateur law firm — called Pizza 127. The three tables inside are already taken, so they buy a large pizza and go to a park nearby to eat it. City life seemed mildly inconvenient so far, Jeno thinks as he also recalls the slow traffic and the out-of-order elevator. But there's some charm to it, too. Sort of. 

As they eat their pizza on a bench Doyoung catches him up on his student life. Jeno hadn't been the least surprised when Doyoung first told them he was excelling in all of his assignments and that they had already offered him a spot as an assistant on his faculty — he'd always been the Golden Boy of the family in terms of academic success. He didn't even feel jealous, to be honest. If anything, he admired the way his brother had made a life for himself by sheer hard work and resilience. 

Jeno didn't really care about grades, and luckily their parents never deemed Doyoung to be any better than him because of that. But he wasn't a fool either — they had sent him to live with his brother for a reason, after all. It wasn't "real world" experience just for the sake of it. 

Due to their age difference, Doyoung had always been more of a role model for him. Now that he was in his last year of uni, highschool for Doyoung felt like a long-forgotten dream he'd once had — a dream from which Jeno had just woken up, still trying to adjust to the scary brightness of this big new world. 

"How did you know you wanted to study Astronomy?", Jeno asks him as he struggles to eat the last slice of their pizza, even though he's more than full. 

"I don't think I knew in the straight sense of the word. I just... Well, I just went for it." 

"But you had to have at least some hint, right?" 

"Yeah, I've always liked space and stuff", he shrugs, "I guess it felt like the right choice." 

Jeno sighs. He really hated when people gave him that answer. For some reason, everyone just sort of _felt_ what was right for them, they just _knew_. Why wasn't it the same with him? 

After Doyoung gives him a short tour through the neighborhood (mainly to show him where the laundromat is, since Doyoung made it very clear that he was not going to clean Jeno's underwear) they go back to the building. As soon as they step in the apartment they are met with the sweet smell of fresh baked cookies, making Jeno's mouth water (even though he just ate half a pizza). A white-haired guy with an incredibly bright yellow t-shirt turns to face them from the kitchen, and when he sees Jeno his face lights up. 

"Heeey!", he greets with a little wave. 

"I can't believe this!". Doyoung gapes at him, clearly offended, "You _never_ make cookies for me". 

"I had to make a good first impression since you surely poisoned him with mean lies about me", he approaches Jeno with a big plate filled with star-shaped cookies, a kind smile on his face, "Don't be shy, take some". 

Jeno's eyes sparkle as he grabs one, "Thanks, um, Taeyong?". 

This one gives him a warm smile, "Nice to meet you", he says, and Doyoung scoffs. Taeyong shoots him a sharp glare before turning back to Jeno with another smile, which Jeno returns. 

"Alright", Doyoung sighs. "I'll be in my room since you two are too busy flirting with each other", he says, and he successfully snatches a handful of cookies before Taeyong puts the plate out of his reach. 

"Jealous _and_ greedy!", Taeyong complains as the other one weaves a dismissive hand and goes to his room. Taeyong turns back to Jeno, "He's really fond of you, you know. Always talking wonders about his little brother." 

Jeno's eyes hide in a smile as he grabs another cookie and goes to the couch, "I'm just a regular guy. I hope you don't mind me staying here for a while." 

"Of course not!", Taeyong leaves the plate on the coffee table and goes to the kitchen, "We were bored to death being just the two of us anyway, it was either you or a cat." 

"I hope I prove to be a better companion than a cat, then. Or at least... cleaner?", Jeno says as he hastily gathers the cookie crumbs that fell on the couch and hides them between some cushions, "You guys are pros at keeping this place neat". 

"Yeah, there's some real nasty people out there, thank God I found him", Taeyong reappears with a mug of tea in each hand and a grimace on his face, "Don't tell him I said that." 

Jeno smiles, "Your secret is safe with me. So, what do you do?", he asks as Taeyong offers him a mug. 

"Your brother didn't tell you a single thing about me, huh?" 

Jeno shrugs, apologetic, and Taeyong sighs, "I'm a dancer", he states with a proud smile, "I study at an art academy just downtown". 

"Ohh, cool." 

Art academy. It made sense, the guy looked stylish in an artistic way, with his platinum hair, multiple earrings and flashy fashion choices (note: he had matching yellow socks and t-shirt). 

Jeno takes a sip of his tea (how could someone be that good at making an ordinary cup of tea?), "How far in the career are you?" 

"Hmm, I've got about a year and a half left, I think." 

Jeno nods silently. He and Doyoung really had their lives all figured out, huh? Maybe by living with them that would stick to him, too. By osmosis... or something like that. 

They keep on chatting for a while until Doyoung comes back with his phone in his hand and smacks Jeno on the head. 

"Dumbass, you haven't called mom and dad yet? They're freaking out." 

Jeno rubs his head and gives him an innocuous smile, "Sorry, got caught up in the city charm." 

"You deal with them", he says as he throws the phone to his lap, from which Jeno can already hear his mom with her crazy voice on. 

"Heyyy mom, yeah, I'm alive, safe and sound!", he tells her as he watches Doyoung try to steal more cookies, only to gain a slap in the hand by Taeyong. 

"Greedy", Taeyong mouths as he holds the cookie plate protectively. 

Jeno laughs. He could get used to this. 

He's most definitely not used to this, Jeno thinks as another person bumps against his shoulder without even apologizing afterwards. He rubs his arm and frowns at the guy, who's already disappeared into the sea of people. Something he would always miss from his small town was all the space he had— in his house, in his room, on the street. Why was everyone in such a rush, anyway? 

It's been two months since he moved with his brother, and after what had been one week of touring the city and enjoying himself he'd started to feel a bit anxious. He wasn't on vacation, after all— he needed to get a job. That's when he'd started to walk the streets alone, ignoring Doyoung's complaints about him still being new and that he could get lost, or mugged, or a hundred more horrid things you surely shouldn't tell someone who just moved there. Taeyong, who was in fact born and raised in said city, claimed Doyoung's worries to be fueled by the media and that he shouldn't be such a puss, which lead to an endless argument between the two that, in the end, nothing had to do with Jeno. 

But even though he was scared as hell to explore the city on his own, he built up some courage and went downtown, in search of a job. Taeyong had told him that although a lot of people looked for jobs on the internet, almost every job he'd had was because he went looking for it store by store. It showed you were already putting in some effort, or something, and maybe it was that or maybe Jeno was just lucky, but he found one. It was at Pizza 127, the same brand as the little place he and Doyoung had gone to that first day, although this one was bigger. His interviewer, a scary looking guy with dark red hair and a whole lot of piercings (who apparently was the owner's son), decided he liked Jeno about two minutes after meeting him and hired him as a waiter. So, yeah, Jeno was more than happy about that. 

As he enters the 127 just before the night shift starts, his buddy Jisung greets him with a nod from behind the counter. They are the same age, even though Jisung still goes to highschool for reasons unknown. 

"You just missed our annoying neighbor", he says drily as he rubs a wet cloth across the marble counter, "His little Whiskers went missing again." 

"I don't know why he thinks a cat would hide at a place like this", Jeno says as he joins him at the back of the counter. 

"It's because of the rats." 

Jeno widens his eyes at him, " _We've got rats?_ ", he whispers, and Jisung chuckles. 

"Never change, small town boy." 

He was always making jokes like that, and as naive as he was, Jeno always fell. It'd been that same naivety that had once led him to leave his phone over the counter, only to come back not even two minutes later to find that it wasn't there anymore. 

"You can't just leave your phone anywhere, small town boy!", Jisung had told him as he smacked his fingers to his forehead, "You're not in Kansas anymore!" 

Maybe they were the same age, but Jeno felt like a kid next to him. 

He has closing duties today, and he does so before rushing to the subway to catch the last train. As he gets on the wagon drenched in that now familiar incandescent light, Jeno starts to wonder. What is he doing? Is this all worth it? He sure gained some of that "real world" experience, as his dad had said, but for what? He still didn't know what the hell he wanted to do, whether he wanted to study or just follow another route... but what route? 

He gets to the building, dreaming about the shower he'll take to get the pizza smell off him, and goes straight to the stairs without even granting a glance at the elevator. Since he moved to the apartment the damned thing hadn't worked even once, so he didn't bother to look at it anymore. 

It's Friday so Taeyong and Doyoung are still up, comfortably sitting on the couch as they watch a movie on Doyoung's laptop. 

"The grandson killed him, obviously", Doyoung is saying as he points at the screen, "Even the dogs barked at him." 

"Um, are you blind or just dumb?", Taeyong scoffs, "That's what they _want_ you to think, but it actually was the nurse." 

"No, they want you to think that they want you to think it was the grandson, so that you think it was the nurse, when in fact it was the grandson all along— they're just subverting your expectations." 

"Oh, don't come with that shit." 

"If you actually watched the videos about screenwriting that I link you—" 

"Those videos are for pretentious snobs who can't enjoy anything." 

"So you think I'm a pretentious snob?" 

"What _I_ think is that you need a good—", Taeyong stops as he drifts his attention to Jeno, who's silently watching the situation, "Heyyy", he says waving at him. Doyoung jumps and turns around, noticing his brother just now. 

"You've got to announce yourself! What if we were saying bad things about you?", Doyoung says, and Taeyong hits him with a pillow. 

"There's some pizza in the oven if you want", this one says. 

Jeno winces, "I think I've had enough pizza for a century, but thanks." 

He takes off his shoes and goes straight to the bathroom, leaving his flatmates to their bickering. He didn't really understand how two people who separately were so calm could argue like that all the time, even less why they would still choose to live together— but hey, who was he to judge, at least they were nice to him and let him stay with them (even if they sometimes put him in the middle of their fights). 

He takes a hot shower that takes all the pizza reminiscence away and relaxes his muscles, and when he goes to the kitchen in search of some food he's already feeling jolly again. 

"Hey, Jeno", Taeyong calls from the couch, gaining a _shhhh_ from a very concentrated Doyoung who is trying to watch the movie. Taeyong ignores him, "How would you feel about a little side job?" 

"Side job?", Jeno fills a bowl with rainbow flakes and sits by the kitchen counter, facing him, "What kind of job?" 

"Don't overwork my brother", Doyoung scolds Taeyong, "Least of all with your hippie crap." 

"It's not hippie crap", Taeyong frowns and turns back to Jeno, "It's sort of a one-time deal. You know there's a photography department at my academy." 

"Oh, I didn't know that", Jeno says, mouth filled with cereal. 

"Yeah, well, they are looking for actors and models all the time, I thought maybe you'd be interested." 

Jeno laughs lightly, "I'm none of those things." 

"And you won't if you keep eating that shit", Doyoung says, earning an elbow bump by Taeyong. 

"You don't have to be. I mean, most students look for real models but some of them can't afford that— You could win some cash while gaining experience in the artistic field." 

Oh, they're coming with the E word again. The adult world just seemed to be full of experiences to be experienced, and people who expected you to have experienced certain experiences. It made him feel dizzy. 

"Um, why would someone want to take pictures of me?" 

"Cause you're cute!" 

Doyoung leaves his gaze from the laptop for once and glares at Taeyong, "Don't you fucking dare hit on my brother." 

Taeyong grins, "Someone's jelly. I meant, he's photogenic." 

"Oh God, don't ever use the word _jelly_ again", Doyoung says with his hands to his temples. 

"So, what do you say, Jeno? You can come to the academy with me on Monday, I'll show you around while we look for some flyers." 

Jeno considers, spoon filled with very unhealthy and very sugary cereal in his mouth. 

"Okay", he agrees with a smile. 

So, on Monday he finds himself riding the subway with Taeyong, squeezed between the mass of people who are going to their morning jobs or activities. 

"You'll love the academy", Taeyong says, "People are really cool there, very liberal." 

"Cool", Jeno says, as if he was actually going to talk to someone, "Am I getting in your way, though? Don't you have classes to attend to?" 

"I do, but I've got some spare time before that, a whole fifteen minutes." 

Jeno gulps nervously and holds on to the handlebar. Fifteen minutes? That's it? 

They get there soon enough, and when they enter the building Jeno's jaw drops. It's one of those old buildings, clearly restored but with enough care as to maintain its classic design, with round columns and big staircases and an inner yard and— 

"So? What do you think?", Taeyong says with a big smile. 

"It's amazing!", Jeno replies as they walk towards the inner yard, from where he can see the upper floor's balconies. The yard is swarming with young people who rush by like little hurricanes of bohemian clothing and bags filled with books, everyone in their own world. In the middle there's a big tree surrounded by a few benches on which students are socializing while they take their morning coffee. "I can't believe you get to study at a place like this" 

"I know, right?", Taeyong admires the big yard before patting him on the back, "Come on, let's go look for some flyers." 

He guides Jeno to the first floor, since it's where the first-year students usually are and they are the most likely to look for amateur models for their projects. Jeno approaches the balcony and takes a look to the yard once more, now below him, and smiles. 

"Hey, take a look at this", Taeyong tells him from a column a few meters away from him. Jeno joins him and sees that the column is covered in different flyers and posters: some of them announcing on-going courses or seminars at the faculty, others promoting plays, a few political ones, and lastly the ones they are actually looking for, " _In need of an amateur model slash actor who is unprejudiced and open to new experiences_ ", Taeyong reads as he frowns, "Why does it sound like a sex thing?" 

"Are there other ones?", Jeno says as he takes the flyer from him. 

"Hmm, well, there's this one", Taeyong grabs a pink one and glances at him, "How do you feel about nudity?", Jeno winces, "Yeah, I thought so. I think that's all. I mean there are a few others, but they are looking for more experienced people and it's not the plan to snatch the opportunity from an actual model." 

"No, of course", Jeno looks down at the white flyer in his hand, the one that looks for an _unprejudiced and open to new experiences_ person, "I guess I'll give it a shot." 

"That's my boy", Taeyong smiles at him and checks his phone, "Well, I better be off. You remember how to get back, don't you?" 

"Uh, yeah, I think." 

"You're smart, you'll figure it out. See you later!", Taeyong pats him on the back and trots off to his class, leaving Jeno standing in the middle of the corridor with the flyer in his hand. 

He shifts in his place, unsure of what to do next, and looks down at the flyer once more. 

_If you're interested text to the following number— I don't do e-mails_ , it says. 

_Just ask for Na Jaemin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there, thank you for clicking on this mess of a fic
> 
> i hope you're liking it this far and if you do please let me know in the comments ♡ i'll be posting chapters every week, so see you next week!
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/cryojun)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/hamleting_)  
> [moodboard](https://www.pinterest.com.au/hamleting/go/)


	2. Chapter 2

It's been five hours since he texted this Na Jaemin— five long, dragging hours. He'd waited until noon to do so, not wanting to accidentally wake up the guy in case he was sleeping and had his phone with the sound on (yeah, Jeno was the overthinker type), and as he walks out of the subway and towards the 127 he takes out his phone in hopes to find a reply, only to find none. 

Jisung greets him with his typical, non-compromising nod. 

"Did the guy find his cat?", Jeno asks him after giving one last look at his phone. 

"Don't know, don't really care", Jisung shrugs, "Cats will be cats." 

"Uh, sure." 

His shift goes by super slowly, maybe because there's not a lot of people today, maybe because he keeps checking his phone even after putting it in vibrate mode. Had he done something wrong? Had he used the wrong words? 

"Hey, Dorothy", Jisung says as he snaps his fingers in front of his eyes, "I can't cover all these tables by myself." 

Jeno gives him a goofy smile, "Sorry." 

"Kids these days, seriously..." 

Jeno is attending an old couple who are taking longer than they probably should to order, when he feels his phone buzz in his pocket. His hand darts towards it before remembering he's actually at work, so he waits for the couple to decide whether they prefer anchoes or pineapple on their pizza with a big fake smile on his face that makes him feel like a freaking robot. They settle on pineapple, and Jeno grabs their menus as fast as lightning and rushes behind the counter to finally take out his phone. 

_Hello, Lee Jeno. How incredibly great that you decided to contact me, does Wednesday afternoon work for you?_

Jeno replies in less than a minute. Maybe he shouldn't be as eager to write back, when the other one literally had him waiting all day for his text. He should've waited at least an hour— wait, why does he care? 

Jaemin replies a few seconds after that. 

_Great, I'll send you the location. Don't ring the bell when you get there, it hasn't worked in months. Just text me._

And a freaking kissing emoji. Had Taeyong been right about the job being a sex thing? He sure as hell hopes not. 

He's still staring at the emoji when Jisung snatches the phone from his hands and stuffs it in his own pocket. 

"Hey!", Jeno complains. 

"I'm just doing you a favor. Actually, I'm doing _me_ a favor, I've been doing all the work around here." 

"But it's for a job thing!", Jeno says unconvincingly. 

Jisung raises an eyebrow at him, " _This_ is your job thing. Now go and actually do it." 

Wednesday afternoon arrives way faster than Jeno would've liked, and now he's on the subway on his way to meet Na Jaemin. The guy told him to wear all-black clothing, and Jeno had to borrow a black turtleneck from Taeyong since he doesn't really own black clothing besides t-shirts and a few hoodies, and those weren't photogenic enough according to Taeyong. 

He had no idea what kind of person Na Jaemin was. Was he his age? Was he a fifty-year-old dude? Was he actually a she, or not even a he or a she? Was he pulling a prank? 

As soon as he gets off the subway he turns on his location and opens Google Maps, the route for his destination having already been settled before he even left his house. He's never been to this part of the city before— it's still downtown-ish, Jeno can tell by the multiple cars and people that surround him as he emerges from the station. His destination —a three story building, according to the picture Google provides— is just a few blocks from there, away from the main avenue. 

He gets there quite fast, and he's about to ring the bell until he remembers what Jaemin had said, so he texts him. The building looks like a big old house, and as Jeno takes a few steps back and looks up he can see it has a terrace. 

He waits for what appears to be ten minutes, when it surely was a whole lot less, his stomach swirling with anticipation. Why had he agreed to do this? He didn't really need the experience, he could just text Jaemin and tell him that he'd made a mistake and go back the way he— 

And then the door opens, and Jeno is instantly struck with the realization that, well— he's fucked. 

The guy that opens the door has got to be the most attractive person he's seen in a while, and Jeno's seen lots of attractive people since he first got off the plane so that's saying something. His hair is dyed in a vibrant shade of blue —was it a requirement to dye your hair in order to attend the art academy?— and he flashes a smile so bright at him that it could without a doubt outshine any Sun from any galaxy. 

"Hello, Lee Jeno", he says charmingly. 

Jeno stutters, "Uh— hi! That's me!", he says, because he's dumb like that. He gives him his eye smile, "You're Na Jaemin?" 

"The one and only." 

Jeno is about to take a step towards the door when Jaemin goes out and closes it behind him, "Well, off we go", he says as he starts walking. 

Jeno stays where he is, confused, "Um, we're not taking the pictures here?", he says as he trots behind him, still awe-struck by the blue-haired boy —who, he can now tell, is not a fifty-year-old dude. 

Jaemin looks at him and smiles, "No, actually. I just told you to come here so we could get to know each other before we get there— I like knowing who I'm working with." 

"Oh." They walk in silence, Jaemin with a little smile on his face. He's carrying a big bag on his shoulder, surely filled with camera equipment. "Where are we going, then?" 

"You'll see." 

They're probably walking towards the subway, but Jeno is so busy throwing glances at Jaemin that he can't really tell. 

Jaemin notices this and grins, "You look confused." 

"I— um— it's just, your hair. It's so... blue". He cringes at how dumb that observation was, but Jaemin actually smiles, weirdly excited. 

"It is! And not just any blue. You know Yves Klein?", Jeno shakes his head, "It's this painter who claimed to have created a new shade of blue— got together with a group of scientists or something freaky like that. Thing is, that asshole trademarked it." 

"He trademarked... the blue?" 

"Yeah!", he raises his hands indignantly, "What a nerve, right? Creating a color and not letting anyone use it. So, I bought a bunch of blue dye and mixed them until I got a shade of blue that somewhat resembled his and, well— trademark _this_ , Yves." 

Jeno laughs, infected by the other's excitement, "So it's a... statement? Your hair is a statement." 

"Yeah", Jaemin looks at him and gives him a wide smile that could totally leave Jeno unconscious if it ever caught him off-guard, "See, I already like you, Lee Jeno." 

Jeno smiles back and hopes for the love of Yves Klein that he isn't blushing, "I hope the clothes are okay", he says as they reach the subway (they were heading that way, after all). 

"They are perfect!", Jaemin pays for Jeno's ticket, to his surprise, and they sit on a bench as they wait for the train, "I didn't want to force you to wear a turtle neck— I mean, it's not even winter yet— but I'm glad you did. It won't matter in the end since you probably won't be able to see it in the picture, but it looks nice on you." 

Two things cross Jeno's mind after hearing this. Number one: what did he mean, he won't be able to see it in the picture? Was Taeyong right about the sex thing? And, most importantly, number two: did he just say it looked good on him? 

He doesn't get to voice any of those questions because the train gets to the station, and soon he's on the crowded wagon again. 

"So, do you have any experience with modeling?", Jaemin asks over the sound of the rails. 

Jeno hesitates, "Uh, yeah, I actually posed for a friend who's into fashion design." 

That was true, in fact. Well, it'd been for his highschool friend like a zillion years ago, and they were mostly fooling around since there's not a lot of fashion design a girl in her younger teens can actually do, but, yeah. No lies there. 

"Oh! Do they go to the academy?" 

"No, she goes to a university in London." 

"So, you go to the academy?" 

"No, no", Jeno smiles, "I'm not studying anything right now, just working at some pizza place." 

"Then how did you find my flyer?" 

"My flatmate studies dancing there, he told me I could swing by and see if anyone needed help with their projects! For the... artistic experience, or something." 

"I see", Jaemin raises an eyebrow at him, amused, "So, you're not a model, nor an actor, and you don't even go to the academy?" 

Jeno scratches his neck and gives him an innocuous smile, "Um... no?" 

Jaemin laughs, but doesn't say anything. 

They're only on the subway for three stations, so not much time passes until they're on the busy streets again. Jaemin leads the way for about two blocks through the avenue before taking a turn. 

"You're a first-year student, right?", Jeno asks him as they leave behind the noisy avenue. 

Jaemin nods, "Photography is sort of an extra course you have to take on your first year of film school— they teach you all about the techniques used in photography, so you can then apply them on film." 

"Ohh, so you're in film school." 

"Yeah! I haven't worked with someone else yet, actually, so you're my first", again with the possible sexual implications, "What about you?" 

"I'm just visiting, sort of. My brother is letting me stay at his place for a few months." 

"Oh, that's cool", Jaemin scoffs, "My brother would rather lose an _arm_ before letting me stay at his place." 

Jeno glances at him. 

"Not because of me! He's just an asshole", he explains rapidly, "I'm an excellent companion." 

They finally reach their destination, and Jeno stops right on his tracks as he takes a look at the big open space filled with rows of... storage units? That didn't seem photogenic. But, well, what did Jeno know about that? 

They walk along the units until Jaemin finds his and takes out the key. Jeno watches, confused, as he rolls up the door and turns the lights on to reveal that the storage is... empty? 

Jaemin steps in and leaves his bag on the floor, "Come on in, Lee Jeno." 

Was it a joke? Was Jaemin a serial killer who preyed on fools like Jeno? Did his brother prefer to lose an arm before living with him because he was, in fact, crazy? 

"Um... I don't understand." 

Jaemin smiles, "They want us to experiment with light. I needed a dark place where I could do that, so...", he beckons once more. 

Jeno steps in the unit, wary. As soon as he's inside Jaemin closes the door and they are left, all alone, in the 5x5 meter wide cubicle. 

Jeno takes a look at the mysterious bag that is still on the floor, "So, you've got some lights in there?" 

"Yeah, something like that." 

The words _unprejudiced and open to new experiences_ flash through Jeno's mind a million times as Jaemin crouches next to the bag and starts taking out— 

"Woah, woah, what???", Jeno yells as he jumps back. 

Jaemin looks up at him, a string of red firecrackers in his hands, "Don't worry! They're not the ones that go up to the sky and blow up— they just blow up." 

"You can't be serious!", Jeno watches in horror as Jaemin starts to place them in a semicircle, "I— I— Hey!" 

Jaemin stops with the arranging and looks up at him again, "If you don't want to do it you better tell me now cause these honeys are expensive." 

Jeno gapes at him, "I— wait, you're for real?" 

Jaemin shrugs, "Yeah. I mean, they really expect me to use lanterns and stuff like that to experiment?", he scoffs, "Boooring!" 

Of course. What could he expect from a guy who put political value into a hair dye? 

"So, you want to do it or not?" 

Okay, he's crazy! He's a complete and utter lunatic and Jeno should probably be digging his way out of that storage unit right now— 

"Um... okay", he hears himself say. 

Jaemin flashes a big smile at him and takes out his camera, "Great. It'll be amazing, you'll see", he says, as if that was somewhat reassuring, "You don't have to make fancy poses or anything, just stay still and try not to flinch." 

Jeno stays frozen as Jaemin stands up and turns the lights off, leaving the unit as dark as a nightmare. If it wasn't for his complete fascination for the blue-haired guy he would be freaking out right now— never mind, he _is_ freaking out right now. 

"Is this legal, though??", he asks to the darkness in front of him, "Scratch that— is this safe??" 

"I wish I knew the answer to at least one of those questions", Jaemin says as he lights a match. He grins, the warm light of the fire kissing his skin, and if it wasn't for the fact that Jeno is utterly terrified he would've found that particular grin very, very attractive, "Guess we'll find out." 

He lights the crackers, and there's a deadly beat of silence before the thing starts fucking exploding and Jeno tries his very best not to look like he's become religious all of a sudden and is internally praying for his goddamn life. 

"Don't panic! Stay still!", Jaemin yells over the pandemonium of explosions as he frantically photographs the situation, smoke and light bombarding his field of vision. Jeno struggles to maintain his pose but it's not exactly the easiest task since it feels like he's standing in the middle of a freaking crossfire, or a mined field, or anything war-related honestly. 

After what feels like fifteen seconds of pure hell the crackers die out and Jeno falls to the floor, hand to his chest. 

"JESUS FREAKING CHRIST", he yells at the now completely dark unit, his heart bouncing against his hand so wildly he's afraid it'll leave his body, "You are insane!" 

"Why, thank you", Jaemin says proudly as he turns on a little lantern, "Guess it was safe after all. _Legal_ , on the other hand... well, as long as no one finds out it should be fine." 

"You call that safe?", Jeno asks from the floor, still trying to catch his breath. 

Jaemin casts the light all over his body and shrugs, "I don't see any injuries." 

"Psychological trauma isn't exactly visible." 

"Oh", Jaemin winces, "Okay, let's take five before the next one." 

Jeno raises his head at him, horrified, "Ne—next one?" 

They end up doing two more shoots like that, and by the end Jeno feels like he won't be able to hear a thing for the next couple of months. He shakes his head, like that's going to bring his senses back to normal, as Jaemin closes the storage unit and locks it. 

"How come nobody came to check on us?", Jeno says as he looks at the empty corridor. 

Jaemin shrugs, "Luck? Fear? I don't know but let's get out of here ASAP, just in case." 

They make their way out of the storages, Jeno still bedazzled by all the gunpowder craziness. 

"Was that the sort of artistic experience you were looking for?", Jaemin asks. 

"Uh...", Jeno scratches his neck, "I don't know about the artistic part, but it sure was something." 

Jaemin smiles proudly, "Glad I could provide." 

He had this vibe to him, like he was from another country, or another decade, or a freaking alien. Yeah, an alien— he had to be. Or were all the artsy folk like this? 

"I don't know where you got that idea from but, honestly, I'm a bit scared to ask", Jeno says, "Are all your projects like this?" 

"I guess. You see, I enjoy some good old thinking out of the box." 

"Forget the box, you're thinking out of the room— no, out of the goddamn building." 

Jaemin flashes a smile at him and oh God, Jeno's senses are suddenly restored, "Well, since you weren't completely spooked by my methods we could work together again, if you want." 

"Oh, I was spooked alright", Jeno glances at him and smiles shyly, "But, yeah, why not?" 

_Why not? Maybe because the guy is a total wacko who almost kills you, small town boy!_ , he hears Jisung's voice say in his head. But Jeno doesn't pay any mind to it because, wow, Na Jaemin really was something else. He's not exactly sure what, but Jeno would be lying if he said he wasn't at least a bit intrigued. 

When Jeno agreed to help Jaemin on his projects, it never occurred to him to ask when exactly that would be. Because, yeah, Jaemin did want them to work together again, but Jeno had no idea how much time it would pass until he'd actually contact him. A week? A month? 

That's what he's wondering as he munches on his Friday morning cereal, brows furrowed, eyes lost in the shifting shadows the passing birds cast on the living room walls. 

"Don't tell me Taeyong's people got you on some funky shrooms", Doyoung says as he goes to the kitchen to make some breakfast, "I knew it was a bad idea for you to go to that place." 

"Huh?", Jeno says with his mouth full of cereal, "What shrooms?" 

Doyoung sighs, "Nothing". 

He turns on the coffee maker and leans against the counter, "You never told me what you did on your little adventure." 

A whole week had passed since his meeting with Jaemin, and he hadn't had the chance to talk with his brother about it due to the other's busy schedule. Jeno plays with his cereal, unsure if he should mention the firework thing, "Well, he took some pictures of me." 

"Ohh, you mean, the _photography_ student? He took some pictures?" 

Jeno gives him a mocking smile, "Very funny. His teachers told him to experiment with light, so, that's what we did." 

That's right, no lies there, just straight facts with a pinch of omission. 

"Huh", Doyoung shrugs, "Well, hope you had fun." 

"I did! He said he'll contact me again." 

"Oh, cool." 

Doyoung keeps making his breakfast until he's interrupted with the buzzing of his phone. He takes it from his pocket, and Jeno hears him let out a lament, "You've got to be kidding me." 

"What is it?" 

"Taeyong's friends are coming over tonight." 

"Oh." 

In the short time Jeno had lived there, they never had any guests. In part because Doyoung didn't seem to have a lot of friends (besides the owner of the shitty car and Jeno's actual mattress he hadn't mentioned anyone) and in part because he and Taeyong had been busy with work and school. 

"Are they, like, bad?", Jeno asks. 

"Fucking annoying is what they are", Doyoung throws his phone on the counter and goes to the fridge to grab some eggs, "Freaking dancers, I swear to God." 

"Are you sure though? Like, a hundred percent sure? She has a little heart-shaped spot next to her left eye—" 

"I've already told you, your cat isn't here", Jisung says, clearly trying to contain his anger, as Jeno enters the 127. He's leaning against the counter with such force it looks like it's gonna snap any moment, and glaring at the guy who's comfortably sitting on one of the high stools with an innocuous look on his face, "Your cat hasn't even stepped on this property. _Ever_." 

"You think so? She can be really sneaky." 

"If she's so _sneaky_ maybe you should consider adopting a goldfish", Jisung says drily, "I bet that one wouldn't sneak out of your house." 

The guy gasps and shakes his head solemnly, "Your generation really is the rudest." 

"Dude. We're, like, the same age." 

"It's Chenle, not _dude_ , and I highly doubt that." 

Jisung crosses eyes with Jeno and raises his eyebrows indignantly. Jeno just shrugs. 

"Uh, hey, hi!", he steps in, "He's really not—" 

"She", Chenle interrupts, "It's a she." 

"Right, she's not here, sorry!", he gives him his best apologetic smile, "Maybe you could try the animal shelter?" 

"I already have." 

"Look", Jisung says, exasperated, "Cats do this all the time, okay? If she loves you, she'll come back." 

"Well, _that's_ reassuring", Chenle says, holding a dramatic hand to his chest, "Consider my worries gone, dust in the wind, raindrops in a sea of oblivion!" 

Jisung stares at him for a while, indignation clear on his face. Then he shakes his head, "I don't get payed enough for this", he says as he goes into the kitchen, leaving Jeno alone with the guy. 

Jeno turns to him and smiles, "You can leave us your number, we'll give you a call if we see her." 

"Like I'm leaving my personal data at a place like this", the guy huffs as he jumps from the high stool. He tilts his head at Jeno, "I'll try my luck tomorrow." 

"Uh, okay." 

Jeno watches as he trots out of the 127, weirdly gleeful despite having his cat missing. Just as Jeno is setting up Jisung pops his head from the kitchen doors. 

"Is it safe or were you dumb enough to let him scan the place?" 

"I'm not dumb", Jeno tells him with a frown. 

"I'll take that as a yes", he sighs as his whole body reappears as well, "Can't we ban him from the place? Hang his picture on the wall or something? I'm sure there's a policy about that." 

"A policy against looking for your cat?" 

"A policy against being an annoying brat." 

"He's just worried", Jeno shrugs, "He'll stop coming, eventually." 

"I don't know, there's something fishy about this", Jisung scowls, his eyes lingering on the 127's doors as if looking straight at the guy who just left, "Very fishy." 

"Well, there _is_ a cat involved, so...", Jeno tries, raising his hands awkwardly. 

Jisung glares at him, unimpressed, "Was that an attempt of a pun? You disappoint me, STB." 

"STB?" 

"Small town boy", Jisung sighs and shakes his head, "Seriously, catch up already." 

Luckily Jisung closes the place tonight, so Jeno gets to leave a bit earlier. Once on the subway he takes out his phone and opens his chat with Jaemin, as if that's gonna make a text magically appear. Well, it _could_ appear if Jeno texted something. 

Should he just ask Jaemin out instead of waiting for him to contact him again? Actually, should he be this invested in getting to know someone? After all, he didn't live in the city, he was just visiting. He didn't even know how much time he would be there, since that specific question as any other concerning his future still scared him like hell. So, if he asked Jaemin out and he said no— well, he probably wouldn't see him again. But if he said yes, what then? They'd go out, Jeno would start getting all head over heels for the guy and after a while he'd just tell him that, _oops!_ , he's not actually planning on staying. Maybe he shouldn't have contacted Jaemin in the first place, cause now he didn't know what the hell to do. But, well, it wasn't his fault that the guy was so damn cute— and weird, but in a cute way. 

He finally gets to the apartment, and even before opening the door he can hear a loud racket coming from inside. He remembers that Doyoung said Taeyong's friends were coming over tonight, and when he steps inside he sees that his flatmate is on the couch chatting with two other guys. 

"Jeno!", Taeyong greets him with a little too much excitement, "Come, come, let me introduce you to my friends." 

Jeno smiles as he approaches, and the two other guys turn to look at him. They seem to be Taeyong's age, the one sitting next to him rocking a similar platinum hair color as him, and the other one —who has sleek black hair and at least five earrings on each ear— sitting on the floor next to the coffee table. There are a few beers on it, and —amazingly— no cupholders in sight. 

"These are Ten and Baekhyun, we go to the academy together", Taeyong says. 

"So, you're Doyoung's little brother", the one with black hair says with a grin, "I hope you're not a know-it-all like him." 

"Ten!", Taeyong slaps him on the arm, but chuckles, "He's a sweetheart. Aren't you, Jeno?" 

Jeno smiles, "If you say so. Where _is_ Doyoung, though?" 

"He sneaked to his room the minute we stepped in", the guy with white hair —Baekhyun— tells him, a hand to his chest, "He really hates us— a profound, deep-seeded hate." 

"He doesn't hate you", Taeyong says, "He's just tired." 

"Yeah, just like last time, and the time before that, and five times before that— I think last year he had a decent excuse, though." 

"You're right", Ten says, "He had the plague." 

"Anyway", Taeyong looks at Jeno, "We were just about to play some jenga, wanna join?" 

" _Beer-jenga_ ", Baekhyun coughs. 

"We'll be your much needed bad influence", Ten says with a grin, "We've got an extensive record of wild jenga nights." 

Jeno laughs, "Yeah, sure! Just let me grab something to eat first." 

He goes to the kitchen, leaving the dancers to their loud chatting. He pours some rainbow flakes into a bowl, and since he doesn't find any milk he mixes them with some strawberry yogurt. 

"Could you please eat something healthier than that chemical cocktail?", he hears his brother say as he enters the kitchen, "I don't want mom and dad blaming me when all your teeth fall out." 

"But it's so easy to make!", Jeno says, already munching on the sugary flakes, "And you didn't leave any food for me tonight." 

"That's because those savages ate everything." 

Doyoung fills the kettle and puts it on the stove. Then he lays against the counter with his arms crossed, eyes fixed on the three guys that seem to be having a blast in the living room. 

"Must they _be_ this loud?", he says with a grimace. 

Jeno shrugs, "They're not that bad. They were nice enough to me." 

"Look at him, laughing like the guy's the funniest shit in the world", Doyoung continues without paying him any mind, "He doesn't even like to be touched." 

"Huh?", Jeno furrows his eyebrows and follows his brother's gaze. The guys are laughing, Baekhyun resting his head on Taeyong's shoulder, "They're just fooling around." 

"Yeah, _fooling around_ , sure." 

Jeno feels his phone buzz in his pocket, and when he takes it out he almost chokes on his strawberry-yogurt-rainbow-flakey dinner. 

_hey, just wanted to check if your eardrums were still working or if I should get a lawyer_

Jeno jumps as he leaves the bowl on the counter, drifting his full attention to the text. 

**eardrums just fine! no need for lawyers, for now**

He holds the phone close to his face as he waits for Jaemin to reply, then blocks it and throws it on the counter, then checks it again, then stuffs it in his pocket. 

"The hell is wrong with you?", Doyoung says as he makes his tea, "Has the sugar gotten to your brain already?" 

Jeno smiles sheepishly, "I'm just waiting for my mana to regenerate. Been playing Clash of Clans." 

"That thing is gonna rot your braincells", he shakes his head and goes to his room again, not before throwing one last spiteful glance at the three dancers. 

Incoming text! 

_that's awesome_

_so, there's this thing i've got to film for my montage class. i know you're not an actor but i thought maybe you'd be interested_

_no fireworks involved_

Jeno laughs. 

**yeah, sure! when would it be?**

_tomorrow_

Jeno almost chokes on his cereal again. 

**cool, same place as the other day?**

_i was thinking we could meet at the academy around 3pm— there's a place nearby that could work_

A place. Secrecy seemed to be one of Jaemin's main qualities. 

**alright, see you then!**

Jeno waits a few minutes for a reply, but there's none. No kissing emojis this time, huh? Well, at least he had texted. 

"Hey, kid, what's taking you so long?", he hears Baekhyun yell from the living room, "We'll team up against you if you keep us waiting." 

"I don't think that's a thing in jenga", Ten points out as Jeno approaches and sits on the floor next to him. 

"Okay, then you won't mind if Yongie and I team up against _you_ ", Baekhyun says flinging an arm around Taeyong, who chuckles. 

"I won't say you're right but I won't take any chances either", Ten finishes assembling the jenga tower and turns to Jeno, "We won't force you to drink or anything, but just beware that we do get kind of hammered on jenga nights." 

"It's true", Taeyong nods solemnly, "I didn't want you to see this side of me so soon, but, well, here we are." 

Jeno laughs, "I don't think anyone can get that drunk while playing jenga, though." 

He was wrong. Boy, he was wrong. 

Luckily, Jeno remained sober enough to witness the three other guys slowly drift into a realm of loud laughing and an amazing lot of cursing, their faces glowing redder every second, their drunken hands tumbling down the jenga tower earlier on each round. In the end they were so beyond salvation that they ended up blasting some music and making silly dances on the couch, which didn't end well since their neighbors started banging on their door at about two a.m. to complain about the disturbances. Taeyong gave his very best impression of a sober person to the angry old lady who was standing in their doorway with her night gown on, Doyoung watching from the living room with his arms crossed as Ten and Baekhyun whispered things to each other before bursting out laughing. It was quite fun, all in all, and it helped Jeno forget about the bubbly feeling that had remained in his chest ever since Jaemin texted earlier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there!
> 
> so, since i wrote this fic while stuck at home i basically started living through jeno? i added a lot of personal experiences as well as things i wish i could do but can't due to the current condition of things... what i'm trying to say is, this story is pretty much self-indulgent and i don't know if people may actually be interested in it, but if you are, i love you ♡
> 
> thanks for reading! let me know if you like it so far ♡ 
> 
>   
> [twt](https://twitter.com/cryojun)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/hamleting_)  
> [moodboard](https://www.pinterest.com.au/hamleting/go/)


	3. Chapter 3

The Academy is closed on Saturdays, so Jeno waits for Jaemin on the polished marble steps, the early breeze of autumn playing with his hair as he watches the people that pass by. He'd found a spot where a few rays of sun reached, managing to shine through a little gap between two buildings, and he thanks its soft kiss on his skin. It's not that cold yet, but the warmth feels good. 

The city streets are always crammed with people, no matter what day, but on weekends there's more of a relaxed vibe in the air, the majority of people who walk them usually chilling with friends or touring. In sum, it's a beautiful day, and Jeno thinks it couldn't get any prettier until the blue-haired boy finally appears and gifts him his dashing smile. Jeno tries to remind himself that he can't fall for the guy since, _hello, small town boy! you're just visiting!_ , but, honestly, it'd be so much easier if Jaemin was a serious guy who never ever smiled. 

"Hey!", Jaemin greets him as he goes to where he's sitting, "Hope you weren't waiting for long." 

"Not at all!", Jeno stands up and smiles at him— his usual, ordinary eye smile that could never stand against the other's own, "It's a beautiful day, anyway." 

_Just visiting!_ , Jisung says in his head again as Jeno catches himself staring for a bit too long at the threads of light that dance on Jaemin's hair. 

"It is", Jaemin flings his backpack to the front and takes out a little black thing, which he hands to Jeno, "Here, take a look." 

Jeno grabs the thing with curiosity. It's a thin, rectangular... book? notepad? 

"It's a flip book", Jaemin says, excited. 

Jeno looks up at him and then at the book, and when he flips through the pages he gasps. 

It's Jeno— Jeno surrounded by clouds of smoke that swirl around him as sudden explosions of light (for some reason not as violent as the actual experience) paint his figure in the dark. It's like watching a moving picture —well, films _were_ moving pictures, after all— but being him the one who generates said movement was so much more magical than watching it unfold on a screen. 

He widens his eyes and looks up at Jaemin, who'd been watching him expectantly. 

"So? What do you think?" 

"It's— it's amazing!", Jeno says as he flips through the book once more, "The smoke— the _lights_ , oh my God." 

"Told you it was a good idea." 

Jeno laughs, "More like crazy and lowkey dangerous, but, yeah. You sure got an A for this, right?" 

"No, actually", Jaemin laughs and scratches his neck, "They didn't really like it." 

"What?", Jeno looks up at him and raises his eyebrows, "How come? It's so cool!" 

"Yeah, well, they said it works as a _flip book_ , but not so much as individual pictures", he shrugs, "At least you liked it, though." 

"I love it! Really, I don't know how you managed to make me look that good." 

Jaemin laughs, "That's not really on me." 

Jeno's chest flutters as he throws a glance at him, but he quickly directs it back to the book. _Just visiting!_

"Ha", he laughs nervously, "Well, you still are an amazing photographer." 

He hands the flip book back to him, but Jaemin shakes his head, "No, no, it's for you." 

"Shouldn't you keep it in case your teachers want to look at it again?" 

"I've got my own copy for that", Jaemin smiles, and Jeno dies for like the fifth time in two minutes. It wasn't fair. "I figured you'd like to have one, too." 

"Oh", _so_ not fair. "Thanks." 

"Sure thing! Well, we should go now." 

"Right!", he almost forgot they were actually there to film, "Where are we going? Oh, wait, you're not gonna tell me, are you?" 

Jaemin grins, "It's like you know me already." 

Jaemin leads him through the sunny avenue for about a block before stopping in front of, wait for it, a laundromat. He turns to Jeno to see his reaction, but he's not even surprised. 

"You dragged me into a 5x5 unit to bombard me with Chinese fireworks, this is nothing", he says, "If anything, I'm sort of relieved." 

Jaemin tilts his head playfully, "You say that, but you came back to help me again." 

"Yeah, I don't know who's crazier, you or me", Jeno smiles and they go inside the laundromat, which is mostly empty save for two or three people. The place is not that big, but it's very modern and clean, and Jeno can see their reflections as they walk beside the rows of silver machines, "Let me guess, you're gonna make me get in one of those." 

Jaemin raises his eyebrows, "That's actually not a bad idea." 

"I'm just kidding!", Jeno says quickly, "Please don't make me do that." 

Jaemin laughs, "Don't worry, I don't think you'd fit." 

"Yeah, and I also don't want to die today— at least not inside a washing machine." 

"So much better to die in a 5x5 unit with a crazy guy and some fireworks", Jaemin says with a grin. 

"Exactly." 

Jaemin leaves his bag on the long benches that are placed in the middle of the room and takes out a camera and an old, shitty looking flip phone. Then he turns to Jeno and smiles. 

"Dream", he says showing the camera. Then he holds up the little phone, his smile widening, "Reality." 

Jeno stares blankly at him, "Is that supposed to mean something to me?" 

"Just trust me! They will be mind-blown." 

"Alright", Jeno looks at the rows of machines, "What should I do?" 

Jaemin reaches inside his backpack and takes out an old book, "Take this", he says as he hands him a copy of _The Catcher in the Rye_ , "Just sit down over there— no, no, wait! You have to turn on one of the machines first." 

"Oh. Um, should we put any clothes insi...", Jeno trails off as Jaemin starts taking a bunch of t-shirts from his backpack, "How many things do you have in there?" 

"I don't even know. A noble thing, this backpack", he looks around with the bundle of clothes in his hands, then stuffs it in a basket and hands it to Jeno, "There. Alright, wait a sec till I find the right angle." 

He spends a few minutes trying out every corner of the room, the few people that are also there throwing curious glances at the weird guy with a flip phone held to his face. One even chuckles at the sight of the thing. 

"Alright", Jaemin says at last, standing with the glass entrance behind him so he can use direct sunlight for the scene. He semi-crouches in a pose that looks terribly uncomfortable, and just stays like that without saying a word. Jeno throws a puzzled look at him, not sure if he should move, and Jaemin glances at him over the phone, "Oh! Uh, action!" 

Jeno crouches next to a machine and starts putting the clothes inside. He doesn't know if he should be more dramatic about it but, well, it is sort of an ordinary situation. What should he do instead? Throw the t-shirts inside the thing with the passion of someone who just got their heart broken? Smile mischievously as if he's plotting his next murder? 

"Stay right there!", Jaemin yells all of a sudden, making him jump, "I mean, cut! I think." 

"You sure you're a film student?" 

"Please be quiet while I'm working, unexperienced performer", he changes the angle and stands in the same uncomfortable pose, "Alright, go!" 

Jeno resumes stuffing the clothes in the machine, then he closes the door and stands up again to turn it on— 

"Stop!" 

"Cut", Jeno corrects with a grin. 

"Silence, I said!", Jaemin approaches and makes a close up to the buttons, "Go." 

Jeno— well, he presses the buttons, and the machine starts working. 

"Alright", Jaemin says as he lowers the phone, "Now, grab the book and sit right there, next to that empty machine. But, like, don't cover it completely— cover one third of it." 

"One third, okay", he laughs and starts walking towards it. 

"Wait, wait, I should actually film you while you sit down, shouldn't I? For continuity?" 

"Why do you ask me? I'm just an unexperienced performer." 

"You're really saucy today, aren't you?", Jaemin says with a smirk, "And to think last time you had me believe you were so innocent." 

Jeno feels himself blush, so he laughs and looks away quickly, "Alright, now. Do your thing and film me while I sit down." 

Instead of doing the strange pose again, Jaemin is struck with another of his freaky ideas and decides to place the phone inside the machine across Jeno, so it looks as if... the machine is watching him? Jeno's not sure, but it looks cool. 

"Now pretend to fall asleep", Jaemin orders, so he does that, hopefully in a convincing way. 

"And, cut!", Jaemin throws his head back and sighs, then retrieves the phone from the machine, "God, that was a lot of work." 

Jeno laughs as he looks up at him, "I thought you liked filming." 

"I do! I love my career, love love love it, but I seriously need some coffee", he looks at the running machine and then at Jeno, "I guess we'll have to wait till it's done, right?" 

"Unless you want some wet clothes in your backpack, yeah." 

"Oh shit, we'll have to _dry_ it too", Jaemin groans, "I didn't really think this through— those weren't even dirty." 

"So, that's it? You don't have anything else to film?" 

"Oh, you're right! Dumb me", he scoffs and takes out the camera from his backpack, "How could I forget about Dream?" 

"Yeah, how could you?", Jeno smiles, "So, what now?" 

Jaemin grins, "Follow me." 

Jeno follows him outside and around the corner, where there's a little park. Since it's Saturday it's quite populated, children running everywhere, dogs chasing tennis balls or little sticks. The first days of autumn really show on the leaves that are already turning orange and brown, and the few of them that are already covering the grass. 

"We should find a spot with no people", Jaemin says as they walk through the park, the fallen leaves cracking below their feet, "But with sun." 

"Ohhh!", Jeno says after a moment, "So, the things you filmed back at the laundromat were his reality, and now you're gonna film what he's dreaming?" 

"You finally figured it out!" 

Jeno huffs, "How was I supposed to ever guess that? You're, like, the most cryptic person I know." 

"Oooh, _cryptic_! That's a first", Jaemin grins and then shrugs, "I just like surprising people." 

"Hmm. So, you filmed the reality stuff with a shitty phone because reality is... shitty?" 

"Yeah", Jaemin says with a wide smile. 

Jeno laughs, "Inspiring." 

"Oh, there's nothing wrong with reality being shitty. It makes the good stuff really stand out", he smiles, and _whyyyy?_ , thinks Jeno, completely devastated because he's starting to really like the guy. "Also, I want people to see it and go like, _wow, you can really get some cool shots with just a phone!_ Tell them you don't have to own a super expensive camera to be an artist." 

"That's very cool, actually", Jeno says, "You really like getting your message across, don't you?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"Your hair?", Jeno says pointing at the blue blob, " _Trademark this, Calvin Klein_." 

" _Yves_ ", Jaemin corrects with a smile, "I hadn't really thought about it. But, yeah, I guess you're right." 

They finally find a spot that suits Jaemin's demands, and they start with the shooting. At first Jaemin tells Jeno to lay on the grass, and he tries about fifty different angles before settling on one. Apparently his idea for the _Dream_ part was to rely more on the details, and that's why it takes longer for him to film, closing up on Jeno's eyes, on his hands touching the grass. 

Jeno tries not to feel intimidated, since there sure is some vulnerability when you're the one being photographed, or in this case filmed. But it's hard avoiding the fluttery feeling in his stomach when Jaemin comes closer for a specific shot, even harder when he literally stands above him, his legs on either side of Jeno's torso, to film him from above. Maybe it would be less terrible if Jeno was able to laugh his nervousness away with a joke, but since they're filming he can't actually do that so he stays still and hopes that those feelings aren't showing on his face. 

It seems to be an eternity before Jaemin finishes and drops on the grass next to him. Jeno sits down as well and watches Jaemin as he plays the part he just filmed. 

"I don't know how you do it", Jaemin says without lifting his eyes from the camera. 

"Do what?" 

"It comes so easily to you", he looks at him and squints his eyes, "You sure you aren't secretly a model?" 

Jeno laughs nervously and looks away, "I'm not. It must be that you're really good with the camera." 

"I'll add that to my resume: _Na Jaemin, really good with the camera_ ", he grins, "Well, my clothes should be all cleaned now. Cleaner than they already were." 

They go back to the laundromat, where Jaemin films Jeno once more as he "wakes up" from his dream and takes out the clothes, to give the short-film a sort of ending. Now Jaemin's clothes are in the drying machine, and they both stand there silently watching them spin. 

"You can, like, go if you have to", Jaemin says, throwing a quick glance at him, "It's gonna be another thirty minutes." 

"Oh, uh, I don't mind waiting with you. I mean, if you don't mind." 

Jaemin smiles, "Well, since you don't mind, and I don't mind, wanna grab some coffee?" 

So, they do that- they grab some coffee and go back to the park and all the while Jeno tries not to freak out about the whole thing. The fact that he never really consumes caffeine and that after a few sips he's already feeling the rush of energy through his body doesn't exactly help, but he manages to stay _cool_ and _chill_. Well, at least that's what he hopes. 

He finds out a few things about Jaemin. Number one, he has two older brothers and a younger sister. Number two, he works the night shift at a gas station. But, like, the _super_ night shift. That was probably the reason why he'd texted so late last night. And, number three, his blue hair has turned into a lighter shade of blue that matches the sky perfectly today. But that's not really important, so why is Jeno so distracted by it? 

"And what about you?", Jaemin asks, waking Jeno from the blue hair hypnosis, "How are you liking the city so far?" 

"Oh, it's great! I mean, people can be sort of pissy, especially on the subway. But otherwise it's alright. I don't really do much besides work, so..." 

Jaemin hums, playing with his already empty cup of coffee. Then he looks at Jeno inquisitively, "Are you doing anything right now? After this?" 

Is it the question or is it the coffee that sends a fuzzy feeling to Jeno's chest? 

"Not at all! I've got a few hours till my shift starts. Why?" 

"Well, my laptop sort of died so my friend is letting me use his to edit the video... he lives in this super fancy side of town and I don't know, maybe you'd like to come? At least to meet someone besides my gorgeous self." 

That's how Jeno ends up in the wealthier part of the city. As they walk out of the subway they find themselves surrounded by fancy skyscrapers, each one of them reaching up to the chilly clouds in an endless competition to touch the sky and decorated by neat front gardens with geometric fountains. Jaemin leads the way through the surprisingly clean streets, eerily desolated with the exception of an expensive car that passes by or some old lady walking her dog. 

They wait for a few moments at the entrance of what Jeno could only describe as a five stars hotel, although it's actually not, until the security guard notices Jaemin and buzzes them in with a friendly nod. Jaemin was a regular, apparently. 

The elevator has got to be the fancier Jeno has stepped into, light years away from the one at Doyoung's apartment. It even has a window, for Christ's sake. 

Jeno goes towards the window immediately, waiting as Jaemin presses the button with the number twenty-one —there's _forty-seven floors_ —, and the doors close with a little _ding!_ that makes him chuckle. 

Jaemin glances at him, amused, "What?" 

"This place is so fancy. Who is your friend, Bradjolina's son?" 

Jaemin laughs, "He's not, sadly, but how cool would that be?" 

The elevator moves softly, and as they ascend Jeno presses his face to the glass and sees how the very fountains he had seen so close a few minutes ago now fade into the symmetric landscape. 

At last they get to the twenty-first floor, and Jeno hears a soft voice say _floor twenty-one_ before the doors open again. Jeno raises his eyebrows and looks at Jaemin, who laughs at his reaction. 

"I know", he says, "Maybe he _is_ Bradjolina's son, after all." 

They step out into a little room with only two doors, both sharing the same doorbell. Surely Jaemin's friend had all the floor to himself. Jaemin rings the little bell, and they wait for a few moments as the elevator leaves them to go to its next destination. 

Jaemin's friend finally appears— a tiny, polished-looking guy with thin-rimmed round glasses and an expensive looking beige sweater, who for some reason reminds Jeno of a little bird. 

"Hey, Nana", he says to Jaemin before giving Jeno a curious look, "You're the model who isn't a model." 

Jeno raises his eyebrows, unsure of how to answer that. 

"His name is Lee Jeno, don't be rude", Jaemin says as he messes the guy's chestnut hair and goes inside. 

The guy frowns at him, fixing his hair, "Yeah, come right in, why don't you." He looks at Jeno and gives him a —friendly?— nod, "I'm Renjun." 

The place is wide and luminous, bathed in the afternoon sunlight that shines through the all-glass walls that cover the right side of the room. There are a few expensive looking couches over a fluffy white rug in front of what looks like an artificial fireplace, just beneath the TV. The floors are a caramel color, so polished that Jeno can almost see his reflection in it. If Doyoung and Taeyong ever saw this place they would faint in a second. 

"I'm just wrapping up my own thing", Renjun says as he offers them some fancy slippers to wear, "It'll be five minutes." 

"Take all the time you need, sugarplum", Jaemin pinches his cheek, gaining a smack in the hand by the other one. 

They follow him along a corridor and into a kind of studio, the same glass-walls covering the left side. As Renjun goes to his Mac to resume his work Jeno approaches the windows and looks down— he doesn't think he's ever been this high, and his eyes widen as he looks at the tiny people that walk by who knows how many meters below him, little ants in a big concrete world. 

He hears a little laugh, and when he turns around he sees that Jaemin is smiling at him. 

"What?", Jeno says, a bit embarrassed, "You're always giving me that look." 

"You get so excited about everything. Reminds me of me when I first moved here." 

Jeno widens his eyes, "You're not from the city?" 

Jaemin had such a way to walk the city streets, like he knew them from all his life, that Jeno had assumed he was a true city-boy through and through. 

"Nope", Jaemin smiles, "Moved last year to study at the academy— that's when I met Renjun." 

Renjun scoffs, his eyes glued to the screen, "This blue-haired lunatic wouldn't stop coming to the academy to harass me. You know, sometimes I wonder if you were actually in love with me." 

"I _am_ in love with you!", Jaemin says, making Renjun wince, "Injunnie here was my very first friend in the city", he tells Jeno as he smothers Renjun with a hug. 

"Ahhh, let me go!", the little guy complains, grasping at Jaemin's arms, "You know how much I loathe that terrible nickname." 

"He showed me the ropes of the big mean academy", Jaemin says. 

"Only because you forced me to." 

"I couldn't just wait for a whole year before attending! I had to get familiar with the place, learn the ways of the academic environment, get soaked in the student life." 

"A whole year?", Jeno says, "What do you mean?" 

"As magnificent as you see me, I didn't actually make it into the academy on my first try", Jaemin grins, "They rejected me." 

Jeno raises his eyebrows. He'd thought Jaemin to be one of those people who never got rejected by anyone. 

"I know, what were they thinking, right?", Jaemin scoffs, "Awful taste." 

"If you actually did what they ask you to do instead of making up stuff along the way...", Renjun turns his head towards Jeno, "You see, Jaemin is the experimentalist type. Admirable in the real world, sure, but not so much if you're trying to get a degree." 

"Who cares about the degree? I just want to make a name for myself in the industry." 

"Any publicity is good publicity, I guess", Renjun says with a shrug, "But you're really wasting your potential, _and_ the opportunity to actually learn something." 

"Injunnie is the one who gets all the grades", Jaemin tells Jeno. He looks at Renjun and smiles, "And the one who helped me finally get in, compelled by my natural charms." 

"You mean, because you would wait for me after class every single day and wouldn't leave me in peace?" 

"You just were lucky enough to be the first person I approached! You looked so very sad with your little beret, all alone, hiding in a corner with your hands around the strap of your satchel bag." 

"Ughhhhh", Renjun hides behind his hands and shakes his head, "Why did you have to bring up the beret?" 

"Oh, come on, that beret screams for a comeback." 

"Maybe when I'm dead. I don't think my rotting corpse would mind." 

"I'll make sure of it." 

They looked so comfortable around each other, like they'd been friends for years instead of just a few months. Jeno missed that feeling. He hadn't realized, until now, how much he missed his friends, now dispersed all over the country in search of their future. 

"Alright, I'm done", Renjun says taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. He turns to Jaemin, "Coffee?" 

"Like I'd ever say no to that." 

They follow Renjun through the corridor again and into the kitchen —yet another wide and luminous room—, and Renjun walks towards a shelve with glass jars filled with coffee capsules. He instinctively grabs a black one and a golden one before stuffing them in a fancy machine. 

He turns to Jeno, "Choose whichever you like", he says pointing at the jars. Ahh, another coffee? Jeno really won't be getting any sleep tonight. 

He takes a look at the jars— there's six different varieties. 

"Uh, I don't really know that much about coffee", he approaches them and grabs a purple capsule, "Is this one sweet?" 

"Rather the opposite", Jaemin says, "Maybe you should try the skinny vanilla latte, or the peppermint white chocolate mocha", he grabs two little capsules and offers them to Jeno with a wide smile. 

"Um... I guess vanilla?" 

"Good choice. We'll have time to teach you about the wonders of a simple, dark, bitter coffee later." 

"Speak for yourself", Renjun says as he watches the glass mugs slowly be filled, "I'm never giving up my hazelnut caramel macchiato." 

"So, you live here alone?", Jeno asks as he scans the luxurious kitchen. 

"Me?", Renjun says, "Well, I guess you _could_ say I live alone, but only because my parents are never home." 

"That's why I have to check on him every now and then", Jaemin says, "Make sure he has enough food and everything." 

"I was just fine before you decided to be my nanny", Renjun says with a grimace, "Totally uncalled for, by the way." 

"He loves me", Jaemin tells Jeno, "He's just a bit _tsundere_." 

"Freaking anime nerd", Renjun sighs as he retrieves his and Jaemin's mugs from the machine and starts making Jeno's vanilla latte. 

"Do they travel a lot?", Jeno asks, "Your parents?" 

"Not really, they're just a pair of manic workaholics." 

"Lawyers...", Jaemin shakes his head, already drinking his black coffee, "Totally insane." 

"They actually think I'll join the family firm after I'm over my _phase_ ", Renjun huffs, "Like I didn't spend most of my highschool years locked in my room, watching movies." 

"You could've been reading the Constitution, for all they know", Jaemin says. 

"They can't be _that_ naive." 

"So, you always knew you wanted to go to film school?", Jeno says. 

Renjun shrugs, "Yeah. It was sort of a no-brainer." 

"Same for me", Jaemin says, "But also because it's the only thing I'm kind of good at, even if my teachers don't agree." 

For some reason, Jeno seemed to be surrounded by people who just _knew_ who they wanted to be. His brother, Taeyong, Jaemin and Renjun... they all had such a strong sense of identity, or at least that's what he perceived. Jeno was just a guy. A guy who's only visiting. 

"Alright, Marlon Brando, here you go", Renjun says as he hands him his coffee. 

Jaemin chuckles, "That's an outdated reference, if I ever heard one." 

"He gets it", Renjun scowls and looks at Jeno, "Right?" 

"Sure! Is he, like, a model or something?" 

Jaemin laughs as Renjun stares blankly at Jeno, the mug still in his hand. 

"Should've gone for something more modern", Jaemin says, "Like Noah Centineo." 

"Ugh", Renjun shudders, "Don't ever mention the Netflix Minion again." 

They go back to the studio and Jaemin gets right to the editing, his fingers flashing over the keyboard now that there's even more caffeine running through his system. Jeno and Renjun sit on both sides of him, Renjun helping Jaemin out whenever he needs assistance using the editing program or a creative opinion. As he edits, Jaemin narrates everything he's doing to Jeno, trying to make it sound far more interesting than it actually is. Or maybe Jeno just doesn't get it, since once Jaemin gets excited about something he starts talking too fast for anyone catch up. Even so, it's nice hearing someone talk about what they love with such passion. 

At some point the doorbell rings, and Renjun sits up from his slouched posture to take a look at the hour, "Oh, look at that", he says as he gets up, "I'll be right back." 

As he goes to the front door Jeno takes a look at the time at the corner of the computer. 

"Shit", he says as he jumps from his seat, making Jaemin look at him, "Sorry, I really have to go. My shift starts in an hour." 

"Oh. Alright, I'll walk you to the station." 

"You sure?", Jeno says, totally out of politeness because of course he wants Jaemin to walk him to the freaking station. 

"Of course", he says as he stands up, "I don't want you to get lost or anything, the way it's kind of tricky." 

It wasn't, really, but who was gonna question him? Not Jeno, for sure. 

They go to the living room, where Renjun is talking to a lady who as soon as she notices them offers them a big smile, "Ohh, you made a new friend!", she says eagerly, looking at Jeno. 

Jeno smiles at her, "Hi. Are you Renjun's mom?" 

The lady chuckles, "No, love, I just work here." 

Jaemin greets the lady warmly, and she even gives Jaemin a little hug. "Should I make you some snacks?", she asks Renjun as she fixes his hair, the guy being surprisingly okay with that act of affection. He looks at them, expectant. 

"Oh, I've got to go, sorry", Jeno says with a smile, "Thanks, anyway." 

"I'll be right back", Jaemin tells Renjun, "Gotta walk him to the station." 

Renjun sort of huffs at this, but doesn't comment. "Alright. Nice meeting you", he tells Jeno before following the lady to the kitchen to help her with the snacks. He says this with such a flat tone that Jeno isn't sure if Renjun actually likes him or not. Once on the elevator he expresses this to Jaemin. 

"Oh, don't worry!", he says, waving it off, "Injunnie is just like that— took me months to get a smile out of him." 

"Oh, okay", Jeno says, "You seem to get along great." 

"Yeah", Jaemin smiles fondly, "He's pretty much a lone wolf —well, more like a lone little cat— but I'm not entirely sure if it's by choice or out of habit. It's a good thing we met." 

A cool breeze greets them as they step out of the building, the lampposts and buildings around them already shining in warm light as the last rays of sun fade out. They start walking towards the subway, Jeno still marveling at the symmetry of the landscape. 

"Woah, my senses are really sharpened after that second coffee", he says with a chuckle, "Hadn't had coffee in like a year." 

"Wait, you don't like coffee?" 

"Uh... It's alright, I guess." 

Jaemin raises his eyebrows and laughs, "Jeno, you could've just said so. One of those capsules was actually hot chocolate." 

"Ahh, you're kidding", Jeno says with a pout that makes Jaemin laugh even more. 

"Why did you accept a coffee you didn't even want?" 

Jeno shrugs sheepishly, "I didn't want to be rude." 

"Such a saint", Jaemin says, shaking his head, "Saint Lee." 

Yeah, that's Jeno right there. Saint Lee, accepting coffee he doesn't want since the early 2000s. 

The walk to the station is painfully fast, but after reaching it Jaemin actually walks him to the gates. 

"Oh, I almost forgot", he says as he takes an envelope from his pocket. 

Jeno is confused at first, but then he realizes he's actually paying him. For the job. He smiles and gently pushes the envelope back at him, "It's alright." 

Jaemin is about to complain, so Jeno insists, "Really, I did it because I wanted to help you." 

Jaemin seems to be conflicted for a moment, "I don't know, I'm still feeling kind of bad about the fireworks, I may have caused permanent damage to your eardrums." 

"So, _now_ you're feeling bad about it", he teases, and Jaemin half-smiles. "It really is okay. Besides, you've already spent who knows how much on that pretty flip book you gave me." 

"Ah, but that was a gift." 

"Hmm. Alright, then consider this my gift to you. Buy yourself some fancy coffee or something." 

Jaemin smiles, "That's not a terrible idea. I could even buy some chocolate, or tea, or whatever you non-coffee drinkers have for next time." 

Jeno smiles back at him, totally cool and not at all like he's freaking out internally because Jaemin just said there's going to be a _next time_. 

"Sure. Well, enough stalling, my co-worker is gonna kill me if I'm late." 

They say goodbye and Jeno goes through the gates, then turns around and waves at Jaemin because yeah, not enough goodbyes it seems. 

All the way to the 127 everything Jeno can think of is Jaemin's last smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god jeno that's so cheesy. you're the real cheese boy here.
> 
> hey there!! i hope you enjoyed this little chapter, stay tuned for next one that's gonna include a mysterious event that happens in october. so cryptic.
> 
> as always, thank you so much for reading, it makes me very happy to know that some of you are enjoying my story and your comments always make me smile ♡ i love you!
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/cryojun)   
>  [cc](https://curiouscat.me/hamleting_)   
>  [moodboard](https://www.pinterest.com.au/hamleting/go/)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it seems like the cat sideplot doesn't make any sense but believe me it will. embrace the cat sideplot.

Somehow it's already Halloween, and the stores around the 127 start going ballistic with the spooky decorations. Jeno was never one to celebrate Halloween, really, but it was sort of fun seeing how excited everyone got. 

Apparently, it's not Jisung's case. As Jeno enters the 127 he finds him staring at the reflection on his phone with a pained expression, wearing a headband with little red horns. Jeno grins and approaches, and Jisung looks up at him. 

"I swear to God, I'm gonna kill whoever owns this shit hole— I don't know _who_ they are, but I'm gonna kill them." 

"Do I have to wear those too?" 

"You better, STB, or I'll kill you as well", Jisung scowls and throws an identical pair at him. Jeno catches them and smiles. 

"It's sort of cute, though", he says as he puts them on, "At least the owner has a sense of humor." 

"Yeah, _ha ha_." 

Like clockwork, just as Jeno is attending a table the cat guy —Chenle— appears again. 

"You've got to be joking", Jisung says flatly. 

"Is my quest for my missing cat a joke to you, pizza boy?", Chenle tilts his head, "You really have no soul." 

"And you are the freaking Devil." 

"You're one to talk", the guy says throwing an amused look at the little horns, "Are those natural?" 

Jeno can't help but laugh, gaining a scolding look from Jisung. 

"You know what?", Jisung says, throwing the cloth he was cleaning a table with angrily on the counter, "Go right ahead, look all you want for your precious Whiskers, I don't care if we have to face freaking closure for having an animal in the kitchens—" 

"So _that's_ why you wouldn't let me look for my cat?", Chenle says as he pretends to be shocked, "Legal interests?" 

"Dude", Jisung takes a deep breath, holding up his hands, "Just. Fucking. Go." 

"Yeah, I'll help you look for her", Jeno says, in an attempt to ease the tension, "I'm pretty sure she's not here, though." 

"You're right, other pizza boy", Chenle says, "She came home last Sunday." 

When he hears this, Jisung's eye starts twitching so badly it looks like it'll jump right off his skull any moment— very Halloween-ie. 

"The _hell_ you mean by that?", he spits. 

Chenle gives him an innocent look and shrugs, "I just came here for some pizza." 

Jisung freezes right there, his eyes staring straight into the other guy's soul who honestly looks like he's having a blast. Jeno sort of laughs, bringing Jisung out of his catatonic state to throw him another hateful glare. 

"You deal with— _this_ ", he says gesturing in Chenle's direction before disappearing into the kitchens. 

Jeno looks at Chenle, who laughs sheepishly, "It's so easy to make him angry— it's kind of funny." 

_i'm threatening renjun into wearing a couple costume with me_

Jaemin's text is so unexpected and random that Jeno actually waits a few minutes before replying, convinced that Jaemin texted the wrong number. He's watching a horror movie with Taeyong —well, they're not actually _watching_ the movie since Taeyong is making some weird drawings on his white sneakers and Jeno's playing on his phone, and the movie is _Hocus Pocus_ which doesn't really count as horror, but, whatever. The thing is Jeno sort of jumps when Jaemin's text slides from the top of the screen, making Taeyong wail in agony. 

"Jeno, you almost ruined my work of art!" He pouts at him, a pink marker on his hand. 

Jeno smiles awkwardly, "Sorry, I just, uh— this player invaded my village, like, out of nowhere." 

"You're still playing that awful game?", Doyoung says as he enters the living room, "Seriously, delete that shit before it takes over your life." 

"Doyoung!", Taeyong yells all of a sudden, making the other two look at him, "You still haven't changed? You leave in half an hour!" 

"Uh, I _am_ changed", Doyoung says, raising an eyebrow. He waves a hand at his all-black outfit, consisting on a long-sleeved shirt and some jeans. "I'm a vampire." 

"No, you're not, you're just a dude dressed in black." 

Doyoung turns to Jeno, "You knew I was a vampire, right?" 

"Uhh, sure." 

"Don't encourage him!", Taeyong punches him and looks at Doyoung indignantly, "At least let me do your make up." 

"Make up?", Doyoung winces, "Hell no. Jaehyun is going with normal clothes too." 

"Oh, yeah?", Taeyong stands up and goes to him, arms crossed, "Show me." 

Doyoung sighs as he takes out his phone. The people at his faculty were having a party —more like a gathering— at campus, some kind of Halloween tradition. Doyoung didn't really touch on the specifics, but it involved star gazing and a bonfire, for some reason. It sounded an awful lot like a tradition hosted by the younger side of the faculty staff to Jeno (and kind of below the radar, even if Doyoung wouldn't admit it). 

Jeno approaches as his brother opens a picture of Jaehyun, his friend (not the owner of the shitty, animal-smelling car and Jeno's actual mattress, but his friend from college) who also happens to be a brilliant student with a job at the faculty, wearing a loose white shirt with suspenders and a brown beret. 

"Those are not regular clothes", Taeyong rolls his eyes, "He's Jack Dawson." 

Doyoung raises his eyebrows, "Come again?" 

"Titanic! God, okay, sit down", he points at the couch, imperative, "I'll go fetch some eye shadow." 

Doyoung wails as Taeyong retrieves to his room, then turns to Jeno, "Are you okay with this?" 

Jeno shrugs, "Taeyong is the artistic one here— if he says you need eye shadow, then you need eye shadow." 

"Whatever." Doyoung sighs, but goes to the couch anyway. 

Jeno waits until Taeyong is back with the make up before texting Jaemin, not wanting to attract curious glances from his brother. 

**sounds fun, have a good time!**

Of course, what the hell was he supposed to reply? 

_thanks, i'll threaten renjun into having a good time as well_

_do you have any plans tonight?_

Jeno stares at the screen, shifting nervously on his place. What was this? Were they friends now? Was Jaemin trying to have a conversation outside work hours —if what they were doing could be actually considered as work— cause he wanted to befriend him? 

**sort of, taeyong wants to marathon evil dead tonight. i guess that could count as a plan?**

_definitely! evil dead, god tier, i'd trade places with you any time_

_let me explain_

Jeno keeps virtual silence as Jemin's texts drop one by one, the three little dots that indicate that he's writing jumping up and down. He looks up from his phone as he waits, focusing on Taeyong who's busy applying make-up on his brother's face. 

"I wonder if Jaehyun is going with someone dressed as Rose", he says as he puts some brown shadow on Doyoung's eyelids, "It wouldn't make any sense otherwise." 

"I bet you'd _love_ to be his Rose", Doyoung says flatly, not rolling his eyes only because he has them closed. 

"Will you ever stop with this stupid belief that I want to to bang every single friend of yours?", Taeyong smacks him on the forehead with the back of the brush, making the other one jump. 

"You're the one who's all flirty whenever he visits." 

"You have a very wild imagination", he says as he continues his work, "Besides, I'm pretty sure he's straight." 

Jeno's phone buzzes. 

_renjun's parents throw a party every year (totally for the business) and it's so damn BORING so i promised injunnie to tag along_

_i would tell you to come but it's one of those rich people things, you know, with invitations and a table and blah blah_

_but we could totally sneak you in if you want_

Jeno feels something flutter inside his chest. Was that an invitation? Yes, of course it was an invitation. Did that mean Jaemin actually wanted to spend time with him, outside sort-of-work-hours? 

_Duh, STB!_ , Jisung yells in his head, _Are you blind?_

He might as well be, cause he somehow forgot how to text back. So, blind and... unable to write? 

He blocks his phone and stuffs it in his pocket, thinking his reply. In front of him, Taeyong finishes Doyoung's make-up with a few red touches over the brown eyeshadow, then smiles proudly, "All done! You're very much welcome." 

Doyoung opens his eyes and looks at Jeno, his features enhanced and somehow more elegant, "How do I look?" 

"Amazing!", Jeno says, trying to get his mind off the blue-haired boy. 

Doyoung goes to the little mirror hanging next to the front door and flinches, "Oh", he says, "I look..." 

"—handsome", Taeyong says. 

"—emo", Doyoung says. He turns to Taeyong and raises his eyebrows, "So _that's_ your type." 

Taeyong rolls his eyes, "You really don't know anything about style." 

"Whatever", he goes to the kitchen counter and grabs his things, "Alright, I better go now", he turns to them and raises a threatening finger, "Don't go crazy like last time— no Jenga, no crazy Fortnite dances after twelve—" 

"What about TikTok dances?", Jeno teases. 

"What the hell is TikTok?" He looks at Taeyong, who just shrugs. 

"Gen Z stuff." 

As Taeyong and Doyoung go on dissing Gen Z’ers, Jeno takes out his phone. 

**that's cool, thanks! i don't want to leave taeyong alone, tho**

He looks down at the screen, the three little dots making their dreadful dance once more. 

_okay, if you change your mind just text me! there's free food_

Like Jeno would go for the free food and not to spend time with Jaemin. 

He replies with a thumbs-up, and Jaemin's kissing emoji makes a glorious comeback. Jeno blocks the phone and stuffs it between some cushions, then pretends to go back to watching _Hocus Pocus_ like his emotions aren't going crazy at all. 

He couldn't get this close to Jaemin, he couldn't, he couldn't, he couldn't. Jeno was already liking him too much and it would be disastrous if he really fell for the guy. This was for the best, it really was! Better keep it professional, no Halloween parties involved. 

Why did he even agree to help Jaemin again? He still didn't know what the hell he was going to do in the next few months, if he was gonna go back home, or stay right there, or suddenly feel like joining medical school— why did he think making connections was a good idea? 

He shifts on his seat, eyes focused on the screen even though his mind is miles away. Every time he thought about his future this _feeling_ took over him, this gloomy, dreadful feeling, like a big shadow that was always lurking behind his back but he just decided to ignore. It seemed to be getting bigger and bigger every time Jeno chanced a glance at it, and even more terrifying. How long was he gonna feel this way? 

As soon as Doyoung is gone, Taeyong turns towards Jeno so fast that he moves the couch about an inch. Jeno jumps, snapping out of his thoughts. 

"Now that your brother isn't here you can tell me all about that cute guy you're dating", Taeyong says with a smirk. 

Jeno widens his eyes as his face goes red, "Wha— what guy?" 

"Come on, I've seen how you run to your phone every time you get a notification. Who even _has_ their phone with the sound on unless they're dating someone?" 

"We're not dating!" 

"So, you admit there's a cute guy involved." 

"I never said he was cute." 

"You didn't have to." 

Jeno stands up and goes to the kitchen, suddenly feeling the need to stuff his face with something sugary, "I'm not dating anyone— it'd be stupid to do so when I don't even live here." 

"But you do." 

"I don't", Jeno fills a whole bowl with rainbow flakes and starts eating them almost instantaneously, "You know I don't." 

"You _could_ ", Taeyong approaches the counter and rests his elbows on it, his head tilted to the side, "Don't you like it here?" 

"Of course I do, but that's not the point", he says, mouth full of cereal. He swallows and looks up at him, "Taeyong, I don't even know what the hell I'm doing. It's gonna be three months since I came to the city and I still have no idea what I want for my life." 

"You don't have to know right away, you're eighteen." 

"Yeah, well, everyone seems to know what they want for _their_ lives", he sighs, "I don't wanna talk about it, it's just— it's so... frustrating. I really try not letting it get to me but it's so hard." 

"What is?" 

"Take you, for example. You knew so well you wanted to be a dancer, you knew it in your bones— Doyoung with Astronomy, too", he furrows his eyebrows, "Why isn't it the same with me?" 

"Jeno", Taeyong shifts on his spot and shakes his head, "No one really knows what they're doing. I know it may seem that way, but they don't, not really. Not even me." 

"But you love what you do." 

"Yeah, I do, but it wasn't easy deciding to follow this particular path— it's never easy when everyone tells you that once you turn eighteen you have to decide what you want to be for the rest of your life. And that is such a lie!", he laughs, "That's one of the meanest, biggest lies they tell you when you're young, even bigger than Santa." 

"If that was true, then it wouldn't even matter getting all these degrees, and PhDs and— I don't even know. I just feel this pressure to start collecting all these _things_ , experiences, and studies and— time is running out and I'm still here, doing nothing!" 

"You're not doing nothing". Taeyong sighs, "Look, I know how you feel, I really do. But there's not only one way to live your life. School isn't for everyone, that doesn't mean you're less able to do other stuff." 

"I know, but I don't even know what other stuff I could do." 

"And that's fine! You don't have to decide right away. There's this myth that you are suddenly gonna be struck with the realization of what you want to do, out of nowhere, and it just isn't like that at all. Live a little, find out who you are— then you'll know." 

Jeno looks down at the bowl filled with rainbow flakes, his appetite all gone. He leaves it on the counter. "I'm gonna take a shower", he says, going out of the kitchen. Taeyong gives him a concerned look but doesn't say anything, and Jeno is glad cause he's kind of feeling like crying or screaming or a bit of both. 

But just as he's taking a shower something comes over him. He should be enjoying his youth, or whatever, without having to worry constantly about this stuff. He was so lucky to have the opportunity to live with his brother in the city, to have found a job in so little time, to have understanding parents. Some people couldn't afford feeling uncertain about what future to choose cause they couldn't even afford choosing. And here he was, complaining about not having a job that fulfills him. Why was everything so complicated? Why was he thinking so much about everything? 

Suddenly he feels angry, for some reason. He wants to turn around and beat the hell out of that looming, creepy shadow that stalks him everywhere he goes, ruining everything. But he can't do that yet. He's too afraid. But he couldn't let it go on keeping him from living his life, either. 

He finishes taking his shower and goes back to the living room, where Taeyong is giving the last touches to his now all doodled sneakers. Jeno stands in front of him, uncertain. 

"You're right", he tells him, "There is, uh, a guy." 

Taeyong grins, "Go on." 

"He invited me to this thing tonight... I don't want to leave you alone, though." 

"Are you kidding me?", Taeyong stands right up and goes to him, "Don't even think about me, we have to choose your outfit." 

Luckily Taeyong was sensible enough to let Jeno stick to his sober fashion choices, so he went for the same pseudo-vampire costume as Doyoung (of course Jeno chose to wear a black turtle neck —he still remembers Jaemin said it looked good on him) and Taeyong makes a similar eye make up for him. 

The party is at Renjun's building (which apparently has a zoom available for fancy events like that), and as he gets out of the cab he finds that Jaemin is already waiting for him at the entrance. Just the sight of him makes Jeno's heart skip a beat. Was it even allowed looking that good all the time? 

He's wearing a white shirt with a green tie, and there are some black lines on his cheek but Jeno can't quite see what they are from there. When Jaemin sees him he smiles and goes to him. 

"You came as something spooky!", he says eagerly as he looks at his outfit. 

Jeno chuckles, "Kind of... I didn't want to go for something crazy, just in case", he takes another look at Jaemin's clothes, "And you are a... Slytherin?" 

Jaemin grins, "I am, in fact, but not today. I'm the guy from Your Name!", he points at the lines on his cheek, which Jeno can now see are kanjis. 

"Right, Your Name", Jeno says as he studies the kanjis, "Haven't seen that one yet." 

"I won't take that as a personal offense only because you look cute." 

Before Jeno can even process Jaemin saying he looked _cute_ the blue-haired boy enters the building, leaving him no option but to follow. 

"I wanted something more fun but Renjun wouldn't let me", Jaemin says as they get on the elevator, and instead of going up Jaemin presses the button to the floor minus three (there's an insane number of sub-floors as well as, well, floors). He turns to Jeno and smiles, "I'm glad you came." 

"Yeah, me too", Jeno smiles shyly, "So, how did it go? With the Dream and Reality thing." 

"Oh, uh...", Jaemin's smile falters a bit, but he waves it off with a short laugh, "They didn't love the phone bits, but the rest was okay." 

"Oh", Jeno shifts in his place, his eyes focused on the metal door in front of him as to avoid the gleaming eyes he can feel on him, "So, is it really that boring? The party?" 

"Ugh, you have no idea", Jaemin huffs, "I mean at least they were cool enough to wear costumes, even if most of them are boring as hell." 

They step out of the elevator to a wide space with a guarded entrance. The guard doesn't really pay them any mind as they enter the room— he half looks like he's about to take a nap on the floor and half like he's ready to kill someone. 

"So this is what a lawyer's party looks like", Jeno says as they walk in. The room is lit with a dim, warm light and there's some lounge music on— not too upbeat so you can actually dance to it, but enough to make it seem like they are _hip_ and having a good time. There are tables against walls and a few buffets, but almost everyone is standing up and chatting with drinks in their hands. It all looks very classy and, yeah, sort of boring. But he's with Jaemin so is it, really? 

Renjun is sitting at a big round table, all by himself and with a grimace on his face as he watches the agglomeration of adults socialize. He's dressed exactly the same as Jaemin but with a red tie instead of a green one. 

"Did you miss me, soulmate?", Jaemin says as he catches him off-guard and wraps his hands around him. 

"Ahh, get off me", Renjun complains as he pushes him. He looks up at Jeno. "Hey. Don't know why you'd want to join us on this gruesome crusade, but jump right in." 

"What's your poison?", Jaemin asks Jeno. 

Jeno raises his eyebrows and chuckles at the expression, "I don't know, whatever you guys are having." 

"Oooh, bold", Jaemin says with a grin before heading towards the bar. 

"So, what did you come as?", Renjun asks as he takes a sip of his drink. 

"Uh, a vampire, i think? It's the only thing I had at home." 

"Hmm. I never dress up for these things, but you know Jaemin." 

He didn't, really, but at the same time he sort of understood what he meant. Jaemin had this spark to him, the kind of energy that spread to everyone around him and made you feel... was it too corny if he said alive? Yeah, totally corny. 

He comes back a few moments later, two drinks in his hands, "I hope you weren't talking about me", he says as he sits down and hands one to Jeno 

"Only bad things", Renjun says, "Like how you scared everyone from our table with your speech defending animated movies." 

"Is that a bad thing, though?", Jeno says as he examines the drink. 

"Yeah, I guess you're right." 

"I didn't poison that, you know", Jaemin tells Jeno with a grin, "Do you mistrust me that much?" 

Jeno laughs, "No, it's just that I didn't eat anything at home." 

"Right", Renjun looks at Jaemin, "I think it's time for another excursion to the buffet." 

Since Jeno arrived rather late they are serving desert now, and Jeno is a hundred percent okay with that. They grab two big plates and fill them with chocolate truffles, little cakes, muffins and honestly anything they can get their hands on and far more than they will probably eat, before going back to their secluded table. 

"I'm almost certain that guy right there is dressed as Han Solo", Jaemin says as he points at a middle-aged man with a white shirt and a black vest, who could honestly just be a middle-aged man with a white shirt and a vest, "And I have half a mind to ask him." 

"Please don't", Renjun says as he stuffs a truffle in his mouth, "I will personally murder you if you engage in conversation with any of those people." 

"You're boring", Jaemin complains before turning to Jeno, "How's the pizza business going?" 

He remembered that? Jeno had mentioned he worked at the 127 back on their first meeting. 

"Pretty uneventful? The most exciting thing is when this guy comes looking for his cat, honestly." 

"You said you were staying at your brother's place for a few months, right?" 

Again, something he had said back on their first meeting. If the subject wasn't exactly the one that makes him terribly scared for his future he would be over the moon for Jaemin's interest. What the hell, he totally is. 

"Yeah, I don't know how much longer he's gonna put up with me, though", he laughs, "I'm literally sharing room with him." 

"Oh, that can't be that bad", Jaemin says as he hides behind his drink. 

Wait, what did that mean? Bad for who? 

"So", Jaemin continues, leaning in confidentially, "Injunnie and I were planning a little operation of sorts." 

Renjun lets out a sound in equal parts pained and displeased, and Jeno isn't sure if it's for the nickname or for the operation part. 

Jaemin ignores this and points at the bar, "We're gonna distract the bartender and steal one of the bottles", he says with a mischievous smirk, which is honestly kind of cute. 

"It's not technically _stealing_ since my parents already payed for all of this", Renjun says with a sigh, "We could just ask for it." 

"Oh, where's the fun in that?", he turns to Jeno and smiles, "Right?" 

Like he was going to say no to one of Jaemin's crazy ideas. 

So as if they were freaking teenagers instead of young adults (a lot of skepticism on _adults_ ) who can legally drink they head to the bar, and while Jaemin distracts the bartender with his endless conversation topics Renjun (very begrudgingly forced by Jaemin since he is the tiniest of the three) sneaks behind him and grabs a champagne bottle, wearing an uninterested expression all the way through. Jeno doesn't have a role since it was originally a two-men operation, so he just stands next to Jaemin and marvels at his way of talking about absolutely nothing at all but somehow making it sound engaging enough for the bartender, who listens to the blue-haired guy closely but sort of confused. 

After the operation proves successful they sneak out of the party and go up the fifty-something remaining floors to the rooftop (probably the longest Jeno's been on an elevator in all his short life), and when they finally reach it Jeno's eyes snap wide open as he marvels at the amazing view. Renjun's building is one of the tallest in the area, so there's almost nothing that separates them from the starry night sky around them, the busy lights of the city below it blinking with life and energy. Jeno approaches the edge and looks down, but soon the vertigo kicks in and makes him step away just as quickly. 

After some effort Jaemin opens the champagne and the cork flies into the air, and the three of them look at it as it goes higher and higher into the night sky. 

"If you catch it I'll let you kiss me", Jaemin says looking right at Jeno. Jeno feels like suddenly all the air has been stolen from him and he just stays there, completely paralyzed, as Jaemin laughs and the cork falls a few meters away from them, "Just kidding." 

Jeno laughs nervously and looks away. What was going on? First Jaemin said he looked cute, now this? But then again, Jaemin looked like the kind of guy who joked with that stuff— he was always smothering Renjun with his hugs and he had called him his _soulmate_ just a few minutes ago. So, yeah, better not to overthink it. 

"We forgot to bring glasses", Renjun says as they sit in the middle of the gigantic rooftop, all alone save for the gentle breeze and the stars above. 

" _Glasses_?", Jaemin scoffs, "Injunnie, we just _stole_ this bottle of champagne, we're rebels. Rebels don't need glasses." 

Renjun rolls his eyes but he half-smiles, which would be the Renjun equivalent of laughing, apparently. 

They spend about half an hour slowly emptying the bottle and chatting, which mostly consists on either them asking questions about Jeno to get to know him better, or Jaemin going on about the last movie he's seen, or Renjun pointing at the stars and talking about aliens and conspiracy theories. 

As the bubbly and warm feeling of the champagne makes its way through Jeno's body he realizes how long it's actually been since he was like this, just fooling around with friends. Of course there was that time when he played beer-jenga with Taeyong and company, but that had kind of felt like he was just hanging out with his older brother and his friends or something. 

After a while Renjun takes out his phone and frowns at it, "Ugh", he says with a groan, "My mom wants me to go socialize with this faculty guy." 

"To build connections and stuff?", Jaemin says with a grin, "I can't wait till you realize this whole film school thing is a waste of time and go pursue your real passion." 

Renjun sighs and stands up, "I'll be right back, don't you dare finish that without me", he says pointing at the bottle. 

Jeno grabs the bottle and looks through the dark-green glass just as Renjun goes back into the building. "It's mostly empty, anyway." 

"Are you really thinking of betraying your only friend in the city besides me?", Jaemin teases. 

"Renjun's rage is not something I'm eager to discover, so, no", Jeno leaves the bottle on the floor with a little smile, "You guys are not my only friends, though." 

Half a lie, since Jisung wasn't really his friend, but whatever. 

"Oh?", Jaemin says playfully, "Do your other friends invite you to super fancy parties where you steal champagne and look at the stars?" 

"No, but that doesn't necessarily guarantee a good time." 

Jaemin furrows his eyebrows, "You're not having a good time?" 

"Of course I am! I was just kidding." 

Jaemin smiles, his eyes gleaming under the moonlight. He tilts his head back and looks at the starry sky, "Would you go, if you had the chance?" 

"Go to space, you mean?", Jeno looks at the sky too and hums, "I don't know, it's kind of terrifying." 

"But doesn't that make you want you to go even more?" 

Jeno laughs, "Why would I do something if I'm scared of doing it?" 

Jaemin looks down again and his eyes rest on Jeno's. He smiles, but doesn't say anything, and maybe it's the champagne or maybe it's the quietness of the rooftop but Jeno is starting to feel something flutter in his chest, and he can't quite tell if he likes the feeling or not, or what he could do to make it stop, or even if he would like it to stop. Instead he lays on the floor and looks at the sky again. 

"You know, my brother studies Astronomy", is the first thing he can think of saying, "and he once told me that if you traveled by the speed of light to another planet and looked at Earth with a telescope, you'd actually see the Earth from the past. Or something like that." 

Jaemin laughs, his fingers fidgeting with the red thread he has tied around his wrist, "Something like that?" 

"I'm no astronomer, I don't know", Jeno says defensively, but also laughing. 

"You can't just share this sort of information with me and finish it with _something like that_!", Jaemin teases. He takes the thread from his arm and starts tying it around Jeno's wrist, and Jeno tries not to die. It reminded him of those innocent gestures one does as a child kind of absent-mindedly, and his heart automatically melts, "So basically what you're saying is, if me from the future traveled to Jupiter and looked with a super advanced alien telescope towards Earth, he would see us on this rooftop, right now?" 

Jeno laughs, his chest all fuzzy whenever Jaemin’s fingers brush against his skin, "I don't know if that would actually work. But, yeah, basically." 

Jaemin finishes tying the thread and lays down next to him. He stays in silence, his gaze lost in the infinity above them. Jeno lets himself stare at him a bit longer before looking back at the stars. 

"I wonder what he would be thinking right now", Jaemin says. 

They stay in silence for a while, with the quiet breeze of the night ruffling their hair, staring at the endless night sky filled with possibility and places unknown. Even if he's not looking at him, just by being next to Jaemin he can sense his presence, his warmth, more intense there where their arms ever so slightly touch. 

After a moment, Jaemin turns his head towards him. "Do you really have to leave?" 

God, Jeno was really falling for him, wasn't he? 

"I don't know what I'll do", he turns to him too, just that little movement making the whole world spin. "Wow, that champagne really gets to you, huh?", he says with a nervous laugh, looking up at the sky again. 

Jaemin doesn't say anything, his gaze still lingering on Jeno even after this one looks away. 

"I like you", Jaemin says finally, and Jeno's heart jumps all over his chest as he turns to him once more, so fast the stars he was looking at just before seem to blend with Jaemin's face for a moment in a hazy blur of galactic strangeness. Jaemin laughs shyly, "I mean, you're nice. There's not a lot of people who put up with me— I tend to scare everyone away, for some reason. But not you. So, thanks, I guess?", he smiles again and oh God, what a sight. 

"Oh", is all Jeno can say for a moment. At last he composes himself and smiles back at him, "Thank you. I mean, I like you too— you're nice, too." 

Time seems to slow down as he stares into Jaemin's eyes, gleaming as if they held the entirety of the galaxy within them. 

"So, yeah", Jaemin says softly, "I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though you're not planning on staying here, at least not yet, we can, like hang out if you want to. Sometime." 

"Of course. I mean, we're kind of doing that right now." 

Jaemin hums, "Maybe, give or take a few lawyers and a Renjun." 

_Oh, boy._

"Yeah, it's been a while, huh?", Jeno says sitting up and looking at the door, violently changing the subject, "You think we should check on him?" 

Jaemin looks at him for a moment, still laying on the floor. It seems to be ages until he finally moves. 

"You're right, we should go save him before a lawyer bites him and he turns into one." 

They go back into the elevator, and Jeno can feel his heart hammering against his chest all throughout the painful fifty floors. Jaemin is talking about some random subject but Jeno isn't really listening. What had just happened? Why did Jeno freak out like that? 

After rescuing Renjun from an uncomfortable conversation with the faculty guy they go back to their table to finish off the last of the champagne and eat more sweets, and Jeno tries his best to ignore his worries. But the unpleasant feeling persists, even if mitigated by the laughs he shares with the other two. Maybe he'd overestimated his ability to stop worrying about stuff. Or maybe he was just overreacting. Maybe. Because, God, Jaemin just said he _likes_ him, he shouldn't be panicking. Not in a bad way, at least. 

When Jeno gets home the living room is pitch-dark. He closes the door quietly, the remaining effects of the champagne making his head feel heavy and begging for sleep. 

As he goes inside he sees a faint light coming from the coffee table, and his heart almost jumps out of his chest when he sees the grotesque and gory image on Taeyong's laptop. He probably had his _Evil Dead_ marathon, telling by that and the blanket that is thrown messily over the couch. The apartment is eerily silent, though, so maybe he'd gone to bed and forgot to turn off his laptop. Jeno closes it and walks towards his room, using the flashlight from his phone and being super quiet as to not wake him or Doyoung. 

But when he gets to his room he finds their beds neatly made, like no one had sat on them in ages. Was Doyoung still out? That was odd. 

Suddenly, he hears a soft creak to his right, and when he turns around the light falls Doyoung's gaunt face covered in dark make up. 

"Doyoung!", Jeno screams as he jumps, startled by the sudden apparition. 

"Keep your voice down", Doyoung complains as he shields his eyes from the light, "Go back to sleep." 

"Where were you?" 

"Huh? I just got here." 

"No, you didn't, I just came from the living room", Jeno frowns as he casts the light over Doyoung's clothes, messily arranged, "Why do you look like you just got mugged? And what happened to your make up? It's all smudged." 

"Would you stop with the fucking light", he scowls, "It's Halloween, I'm a vampire— things get messy." 

"It's three a.m." 

"So?" 

"You left at _nine_." 

"Your point being?", Doyoung raises an eyebrow at him. 

Jeno shakes his head, "Whatever, I just want to sleep." 

"Yeah, go to sleep", he reaches towards Jeno's head to mess with his hair, but for some reason stops mid-way, "I'll be there in a bit." 

Jeno watches as his brother disappears into the bathroom, confused. But he’s way too tired to try and decipher his weird behavior, so he shrugs and goes to bed. 

Once under the safety of his covers he lets himself think about earlier. He tries to ignore the worries and the strange, uncomfortable feeling, and focuses on what Jaemin had said. He liked Jeno. He wanted to spend time with him. Jaemin, the most interesting person he’d met in a while, wanted to spend time with Jeno. 

As sleep starts taking over him it gets easier to let go of his concerns, and the fading memory of Jaemin’s eyes under the night sky lulls him until he falls asleep. He could deal with his worries later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaa
> 
> another chapter, another day in jeno's confusing life. i hope you liked it! thank you so much for reading, i still can't believe you're liking this fic you make me so happy honestly ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ big time uwu
> 
> i'm predicting this will be 8 chapters long i just have to figure out how to chop it and everything. i love you! ♡
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/cryojun)   
>  [cc](https://curiouscat.me/hamleting_)   
>  [moodboard](https://www.pinterest.com.au/hamleting/go/)


	5. Chapter 5

They all get up around noon the next day, still sleepy and willing to eat the entirety of the contents of their fridge. Once the table is all set with food ranging from breakfast food to lunch to random Halloween sweets they gathered over the week they start eating, Doyoung monopolizing the coffee pot as always and Jeno munching on his classic rainbow flakes.

Jeno is way inside his thoughts to notice the lack of Sunday morning bickering between the other two, way immersed in his own mind replaying last night's events over and over again. Maybe he should stay away from Jaemin for a while— just for a while. To clear the air. To stop his heart from jumping all over the place whenever he sees him. To stop getting used to seeing him so often, when in a couple of months he would probably leave the city.

He's also way inside his thoughts to notice he has his sleeves rolled up, and the red thread Jaemin gave him still tied around his wrist.

"Ohh, that's new", Taeyong coos when he sees it, "Did your boyfriend give it to you?"

Jeno drops his spoon with a loud clinking sound and pulls down his sleeve rapidly, "What? What boyfriend?"

"Right, about that", Doyoung turns to him and frowns, "Why didn't you tell me you were dating the photographer? I thought we brothers told each other everything, you disappoint me."

"We're not—ugh, what did you tell him?", he shoots at Taeyong.

"Just the facts", he says with a smug smile as he opens his third bar of Snickers, "Like how you get all giddy whenever you get a text from him, or how you got all dressed up for him last night."

"Uhhhg, stop", Jeno says shyly, looking down at his rainbow flakes, "I don't do any of that. And when did you two talk about this? I thought you got home just as late as me", he says to Doyoung.

"That's not the point", Doyoung says, quicky hiding behind his coffee, "The point is, you should make a move, or something."

"Yeah, the guy clearly likes you", Taeyong adds, lifting Jeno's sleeve to reveal the red thread again.

"Even if he did, I don't see the point in starting... something... with anyone right now. Come on, we had this exact conversation yesterday!"

"In my absence, may I add", Doyoung intervenes, "You're giving it too much thought, Jeno."

"Exactly", Taeyong nods, "You like him, he likes you —do something about it! Even if it's just for, say, one night or two."

"See, that's the thing", Jeno says, "I'm not good at that kind of stuff, I'm too much of a Taurus for a casual thing."

"Since when do you rely on astrology?", Doyoung says, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Since it gives me an excuse to stay out of trouble."

"Ugh, Jeno!", Taeyong shakes his head, "No one's gonna get in trouble for having a bit of fun."

"Yeah", Doyoung agrees, "It's not every day you find someone who actually likes you. Even if it just lasts for one night."

"Or if it escalates into something more", Taeyong continues, turning to Doyoung, "I mean, both things are okay, right?"

"Yeah, both things! Both things are, uh, cool", Doyoung says turning to him too, "One night or, um, something else. Time will tell, don't you think?"

"Exactly, time will tell."

They keep on staring at each other, no one saying anything, and Jeno furrows his eyebrows at them.

"What's up with you two? You never agree on anything."

"Things change", Doyoung states, turning back to Jeno, "Now stop complaining and eat your cereal."

"Yes, listen to your brother", Taeyong says, "And maybe add in some fruit too."

"That's what I'm always telling him!", Doyoung says, raising his hands in indignation, " _Thank you_."

Jeno looks from one to the other, confused as to where all the niceness between them is coming from. Then he shakes his head and goes back to eating his cereal.

"You guys are weird."

So, Jeno isn't the best when it comes to sticking to a plan— big time procrastinator, a pro at starting going to the gym only to leave it not even two months after that. That's why when Jaemin asks for his help not even two weeks after Halloween, he doesn't hesitate and goes for the good old thumbs up. But that's okay! It's no Halloween party, it's a school assignment! Totally safe. Plus, they weren't going to be alone since the project was a two-person project, and someone else who wasn't Jeno was going to do the acting, so, that makes four people in total. Well, it wasn't really a _plus_ if it meant not having alone time with Jaemin but hey, we're not here to flirt, we're here to work! Yes, totally valid.

Basically, Jaemin said they were going to need an extra hand and, as expected, didn't give any details of the production in question. The only thing Jeno knew was that this time they were actually filming at Jaemin's place, the three-story building Jeno had visited that first time.

It's like reliving that day again— as soon as he arrives he's about to ring the bell until he remembers it doesn't actually work, so he texts Jaemin instead. But this time the nervousness he's feeling is not so much about the unexpectedness of the whole deal but something far more mundane— that means, he's been dying to see the blue-haired boy again.

That feeling seems to escalate when said person opens the door, making the skies open up and bathe everything with golden light as he greets him with his charming smile— well, maybe he overreacted a bit. The point is, he's wearing an oversized grey hoodie that makes him look so huggable Jeno wants to die.

Jaemin opens the mouth to speak just as a loud screech comes from inside the house.

" _YERI YOU DID NOT JUST EAT MY LAST QUINOA BURGER I WILL OPEN UP YOUR FUCKING THROAT AND GET IT BACK I SWEAR._ "

Jeno flinches and looks up the stairs behind Jaemin, where the high-pitched voice is coming from.

Jaemin gives him an awkward smile, "Welcome to my lovely household."

Jeno takes a shy step towards the door, "Is it safe or is Leatherface gonna slit my throat too?"

"Look at you, throwing movie references", Jaemin says as Jeno enters, "So cute."

Jeno lets out a nervous laugh and looks around. The first floor is not actually a floor but a tiny room with a stair that leads to the house, two bikes squished together vertically against a wall, so as Jaemin closes the door Jeno has to stand on the first steps of the stairs in order to make room. Then Jaemin turns around and comes face-to-face with Jeno, making him jump and let out yet another nervous laugh before going up the stairs. Excellent start.

"Thank you so much for coming, you're literally my savior", Jaemin tells him as they go, "The guys are too busy to cooperate— actually, they're probably just lazy."

"It's okay! It's kind of fun doing these things, anyway."

Yeah, nothing to do with the fact that Jeno is developing a crush on the guy. Nothing at all.

They reach the first floor and Jeno takes a moment to observe his surroundings. Just like Doyoung's apartment, the kitchen is visible from the entrance and has no clear division from the living room, which also works as a dining room. But one of the things Jeno notices (besides from it being cluttered and messy) is that there seems to be a lot of everything: a lot of chairs, a lot of plants, a lot of mugs. They even have two refrigerators. Right next to one of them, a guy —probably Leatherface from before— is yelling at a doll-like, blonde girl, who's joyfully eating a pudding.

"Do you have _any_ idea how expensive those things are??", he is saying, "This is totally going to fuck with my meal planner."

"You didn't label them", the girl says with a shrug, "That's your fault."

"They were _on my shelf._ "

"That was last month's rule, now we label our stuff."

The guy scoffs, "Like fun we do." He crosses his arms and looks at Jaemin, "What do you have to say about this?"

"Ah, I'm not updated on the house's politics", Jaemin says with a little shrug.

The guy frowns and looks at the girl, who's grinning between her spoon, "You'll pay for this."

She reaches towards his head and messes his hair, making the other one go red with fury, "Sure thing, Hyuckie."

She giggles and walks away, disappearing into a room. The guy throws one last hateful glare at her before turning to Jaemin again, and just then repairs on Jeno. He looked kind of scary, honestly, even though at first glance he seemed kind of boyish, with his wavy brown hair and cherubic face.

"So, _you're_ the guy who stole my role for the Dream concept", he says bitterly, destroying that last statement.

"Uh..."

"Don't be such a drama queen", Jaemin says, "You'll have all the spotlight today."

"I'm a theater kid, being a drama queen is my job." He looks to Jeno once more, his expression now softer, "Sorry, Yeri really pissed me off."

"It's fine", Jeno smiles, "I get it, those veggie burgers really are expensive."

"Right? And it's not like I can steal anything from these junk-eating losers", he glares at Jaemin, "We need to talk about this _labeling_ situation."

"Yeah... we'll arrange a house meeting later."

"How many people live here, exactly?", Jeno asks as they go to the plant-infested living room (literally three steps away from the kitchen).

Jaemin tilts his head, "Well, we used to be eight, but... is Wendy still with us?", he asks Hyuck.

"Ugh, you made it sound like she died or something. But, no, she isn't."

"Then seven."

"You forgot to count Johnny's brother."

"Right, so, seven permanents, one temporary?", he looks at Jeno, "Yeah, eight-ish."

Jeno raises his eyebrows, "Wow, and I can barely handle Doyoung and Taeyong's bickering."

"Well, at one point we were almost fifteen."

"Don't bring that up", Hyuck says with a wince, "That month still haunts my nightmares."

"Speaking of haunting, we should start setting up", Jaemin says, as if those two things were somehow related. Well, coming from Jaemin, they probably were.

"We still have to wait for your tiny friend", Hyuck says as he sits on the couch and takes out his phone, "Is he gonna arrive in a fancy limo like that one time?"

"Oh, Renjun is coming too?", Jeno asks Jaemin, who nods.

"I like how you associate _tiny friend_ and _fancy limo_ with Renjun. I actually had to ask for his help as a last-minute resource cause my idiot partner decided to betray me and partner up with someone else", he huffs and shakes his head, "Film students, am I right."

As they wait for him Jaemin tells Jeno about his assignment. Basically, he had to make a short stop-motion film, which meant he had to take a picture for every movement he wanted to convey. It sounded like an awful lot of work, but if that meant spending more time with Jaemin it really wasn't all that bad.

The living room isn't spacious but it's filled to the brim with mismatched furniture, as if each one of the tenants wanted to make a home of it, adding their own personal style into the mess. He looks at the Japanese tapestry hanging behind the couch, the several (artificial?) plants scattered here and there, the mandala-patterned pillows and the Christmas lights placed around a heart-shaped mirror, and he tries to guess which one of them belongs to Jaemin. It could literally be any of them.

He thinks of Doyoung's and Taeyong's flat and how they both happened to like the same minimalistic style, and he wonders how his own apartment would look. Was he a plant enthusiast? Was he into bohemian rugs? Who knows.

About ten minutes later Renjun arrives, a heavy looking cloth bag hanging from his shoulder with something big and round in it. He's complaining about something as he and Jaemin come up the stairs, but Jeno doesn't get to hear what it's about because Hyuck interrupts him.

"Huang Renjun being late for something?", he says with a dramatic gasp, " _Nooo!_ "

"I wasn't _late_ ", this one says, glaring at him, "It's not my fault you're too lazy to fix the damn doorbell."

"Hmm, I don't know, sounds like an excuse to me."

Renjun rolls his eyes and turns to Jaemin, "I brought the watermelon. I hope you have a good reason to want it cause I had to visit like three different places."

"Of course, Injunnie, I'd never send you on a pointless mission", Jaemin takes the bag from him with a wide smile, "We're doing a homage to Hausu!"

"What?", Renjun says, raising his eyebrows.

Jeno turns to Jaemin, "What is Hausu?"

"Only the most precious gem of the Japanese cinema! A true work of art."

Hyuck snorts, "Your definition of _art_ is kind of fucked up if you consider that blood fest as art."

Jeno winces at this, but Jaemin waves it off, "It's fine. No time for the blood today."

"Jaemin", Renjun says, "They told you to reference classics."

"Hausu _is_ a classic! And we're referencing Suspiria too, that's why I need your help with the lights."

"Those aren't classics! They are cult films!"

"Which is why they should have more recognition!"

Renjun sighs, "Jaemin— "

"They'll love it, trust me!"

"You always say that."

"And, someday, I'll be right."

Renjun stares at Jaemin, who looks back at him with a confident smile on his face. Then he sighs again, but doesn't complain any longer.

They start filming almost immediately. After arranging the furniture Jaemin orders Jeno to turn off the ceiling lights, and Renjun turns on a red reflector.

"See, Jeno?", Jaemin says, turning to him with a smile, "Now I experiment with boring lights."

Jeno laughs, "Yeah, you're going soft."

"And we all know why _that_ is", Hyuck says as he looks at Jaemin with a grin, making this one hide behind his camera.

" _Action!!!_ "

This time Jeno is in charge of the "special effects"— given that it's a stop-motion film there's a lot of funky stuff they can do, like objects randomly changing places, doors opening and closing, and such—, while Renjun keeps changing the lights from white to red to blue, commanded by Jaemin's hasty indications. It's hard visualizing the final result in a way that doesn't look completely bizarre but, well, Jaemin looks too excited to question him about it. And they were doing a homage to some freaky horror film, after all.

At some point Donghyuck — who does the acting— has to cut the watermelon, and for some reason he has to look completely terrified as he does so. Again, since Jeno hasn't seen the movie he doesn't really understand what's going on in Jaemin's head, until he points the camera at the watermelon and turns to Jeno.

"It's your moment to shine", he says with a little grin, "I need you to take Hyuck's place and grab the knife in that same position."

"Oh, alright", Jeno does as he says, making sure to stand right where Hyuck was, "You were serious when you said you needed an extra hand."

"I'm always serious!"

Hyuck turns to Jeno and raises a finger at him, "You better not scratch my beautiful skin, pretty boy."

"Huh?"

Hyuck doesn't answer but turns to Renjun instead, who is holding the light towards the table, "And you better make me look pretty."

"There's only so much I can do."

Hyuck offers him a mocking face before crouching next to the kitchen counter and replacing the watermelon with his own head.

"What the hell?", Jeno chuckles and turns to Jaemin.

"The movie version was way gory, this is nothing", he says casually, "Could you pull up your sleeve a little bit?"

Jeno does as he says, and he's too distracted by the fact that he's holding a knife over Donghyuck's head to remember that he's still wearing the red thread Jaemin tied around his wrist. When he realizes this it's too late, and he can already feel his ears turning a bit red. There's a beat of silence where Jeno glances rapidly towards Jaemin to catch him staring at it with a little smile. It's fine, it's alright! Nothing wrong with keeping the thing on his wrist. It doesn't mean a thing.

"Uh, hello??", Hyuck complains when time passes and no one says anything, "I'm not gonna turn into a watermelon just by staying like this."

After that they are back on track again, Jeno trying not to look at Jaemin since he's sure his ears haven't gone back to their normal color yet. Luckily they finish shooting a few more minutes after that, with an ending to the film that Jeno can't really understand, and he's not sure if it's due to its bizarre nature, abstractness or that he's still overthinking the little incident.

It was very much exhausting, in the end, so everyone is glad that it's finally over. They decide to eat the watermelon as a reward for finishing before night time, the task of cutting it falling on Renjun.

"You're doing it wrong", Hyuck tells him as soon as this one starts, hovering over his shoulder.

Renjun jumps at his closeness and frowns at him, "I'm not!", he says, shifting so that his back is to him, "I know what I'm doing."

Hyuck grins, "I think that knife is bigger than you."

"Shut up."

As Jeno watches the two of them bicker Jaemin approaches and pulls his sleeve to get his attention.

"Come, I'll give you a little tour while those two argue", he says as he goes towards the stairs.

The architecture of the house is kind of confusing. It almost seems like the people who built it started adding rooms randomly, trying to maximize the space— there's a little corridor that branches from the middle of the stairs and to the right, where there's a bathroom and a bedroom, and just four steps above another corridor that goes to the left with another two rooms. It made sense that so many people lived there.

But that's not even the strangest part, cause once they get to the top of the stairs Jaemin unlocks a door and they step into the rooftop, full of plants and fairy lights attached to the walls, and two little cabins. Jeno follows Jaemin towards one of them, which has one side of the roof completely diagonal. He turns to Jeno and smiles.

"And this is my room!", he states proudly.

Jeno waits as he unlocks a little padlock on the door and invites him inside. It's not very spacious, as the exterior revealed, but the fact that it isn't makes it look cozier. The walls are completely made of a redish-brown wood and decorated by various movie posters, and a big window on the diagonal roof points towards the sky, letting in the rays of sun that fall on the wide mattress underneath. Besides a small desktop next to the bed with a laptop and a few books, there's only a little cabinet, and that's it.

There's something about entering someone's bedroom that always interested Jeno, that feeling of being granted access to a person's most personal space. And the fact that this person is Jaemin makes him all the more curious.

"Apparently everyone I know is tidier than me", Jeno says, looking at the neatly folded clothes laying on the bed.

Jaemin shrugs, "I don't own that much stuff so it's not that hard keeping it tidy."

He closes the door so that the cold doesn't come in and goes to his laptop, where he plugs in his camera and starts downloading the pictures. Jeno walks to him shyly and sits on the bed.

"That's some nice view", he says as he watches the window behind him, the clouds beyond it swirling over the lilac sky.

Jaemin turns too and smiles, "Yeah, I was lucky to get this room. The only down side is there is no bathroom on the rooftop, so... you can imagine the adrenaline you get when you have to run the five meters to the stairs under the pouring rain."

Jeno laughs, "The sacrifice for having a piece of the sky."

"Exactly." Jaemin sits on the desk chair and rests his head on the back, over his arms, "It may not be like Renjun's rooftop, but from nine to ten the moon shines right through the window. It's very pretty."

Jeno smiles, trying not to think too much about Jaemin bathed in moonlight and how much he'd like to see that. "You have such a cool life", he says absent-mindedly, looking through the window once more. He turns back to Jaemin when he hears this one chuckle. "What?"

"Why do you think my life is cool?"

Jeno shrugs, "I don't know, you go to film school, you have friends. You live on your own... Your hair is blue?", he says with a little laugh, "It seems like you have it all figured out."

Jaemin laughs at this, "Jeno, I am far from having it all figured out. Way far."

"Taeyong said the same thing", he says, squinting his eyes at him, "Are you guys trying to make me feel better?"

"Look, I don't even know what I'm gonna have for dinner tonight. There's, like, half a lemon and leftover spaghetti on my part of the fridge. The fridge which I share with three other guys who also don't know what they'll have for dinner."

Jeno laughs lightly and looks down at his hands. Jaemin furrows his eyebrows and pulls his sleeve, "Heyyy, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing."

Jaemin tilts his head on his arms and keeps looking at him, expectant.

Jeno sighs, "I guess I just feel like I'm... floating? Like, things happen around me but I'm just floating around, you know. I just wish I could wake up one day and be like, _oh, this is who I am!_ But at the same time I feel like such an asshole cause there's people who can't afford feeling bad about this stuff, people with real problems— like, _real_ problems. I don't know, I'm probably not making any sense."

"No, you are", Jaemin says, sitting up, "It's a difficult subject, but the fact that someone has it worse than you doesn't mean that your problems aren't valid."

Jeno nods silently, his eyes fixed on the floor of the room that is getting darker as the sun sets. He looks at Jaemin, "I totally ruined the mood, didn't I?"

"Not at all", Jaemin smiles at him, his eyes glinting in the dim lighting, "I've been there too, floating through life, as you say... I still am, most of the time. I think everyone is. Like, for real, I don't think anyone knows what the hell they're doing."

"That's another thing Taeyong said."

"See! I don't know who this Taeyong guy is but I already like him."

Jeno laughs, "It's the dance student, the one who found your flyer."

"Ohhh", Jaemin says, resting his head on his arms again, "I'll have to thank him very much for that, then."

Jeno smiles back at him, feeling his chest grow warmer as they fall on a comfortable silence, the last rays of sun gliding away from the window to make way for the first faint stars. For a moment he forgets all about his worries, about the future, about everything that isn't Jaemin right in front of him, the outline of his face lit up with the light from the computer screen behind him. And like summoned by that very thought the computer beeps, informing them that the pictures have finished downloading and bringing them back to their actual time and space.

They go down to the living room again, where they find Renjun and Hyuck sitting on opposite sides of the couch, the watermelon neatly cut and served on the coffee table. Renjun is sitting with his arms crossed and looking straight in front of him, and Hyuck is eating a watermelon slice with a playful grin on his face.

"What's up with you two?", Jaemin says, looking from one to the other.

Renjun glares at him, "Nothing's _up_. Goddamn watermelon is all cut— eat it."

"Alright, alright", Jaemin laughs and raises his hands in surrender, "At least we didn't find you choking Hyuckie to death."

Hyuck chokes on his watermelon at this, laughing as his face goes red. Rejun throws an icy glare at him before standing up from the couch, "I have to go", he tells Jaemin, "Let me know if you need help editing."

Renjun gathers his things quickly and retrieves without saying another word, Hyuck's eyes following his every step. When Hyuck sees that Jaemin and Jeno are staring at him he raises his eyebrows, "And what's up with _you_ two, huh? What were you doing up in your little love nest?"

Now Jeno's the one who goes all red. He grabs a watermelon slice and starts eating it, desperate to find a task to focus his energy on that doesn't involve looking at Jaemin. Jaemin doesn't answer, thankfully. But that doesn't take away the fact that he sort of smiles, making Jeno go nuts.

If there was a time Jeno when was trying to convince himself that he wasn't totally falling for the guy those day were gone. Just like that old saying, dust in a wind of oblivion... or something along those lines. Jeno wasn't great with metaphors.

As they go down the stairs for Jaemin to open the door for him his brain goes a thousand miles per hour, thinking of something remotely coherent to say to him before he leaves. But if his brain were to be compared to an animal it'd be a sloth, a lazy, slow-witted sloth who just _vibes_ and does nothing that isn't stare at the world around him as it spins out of his control. Maybe the rainbow flakes were getting to his brain, after all.

So now he's outside, the cold wind messing with his hair and piercing through his very soul as he looks at Jaemin, still at the door and looking at him, and as if struck by glorious lightning his sloth of a brain wakes up and actually comes up with something.

"You know", he says, "There's this thing Taeyong told me about. This, uh, academy thing. Performance. Something."

It'd been too much to ask for his brain to form a decent sentence, but thankfully Jaemin seems to get what he's saying because he smiles.

"Yeah, the dance presentation."

"Yes, that! Well, I'll be there. Maybe I'll see you there?"

 _You suuuuckkk, STB!_ , he hears Jisung yell in his head, and he's right, to be honest.

Jaemin raises his eyebrows and laughs, "Okay, sure. You'll definitely see me there."

"Cool! Awesome", Jeno smiles back at him, "Well, good luck with your project."

"Thank you."

Jaemin leans against the door frame as his eyes linger on him, a little smile on his face. Jeno just stays there, the freezy breeze playing with his coat.

"Did you forget how to get to the subway?", Jaemin asks with a grin.

"What? Oh! No, no, I remember", Jeno laughs awkwardly, realizing just now that he was the one who had to leave, "See ya!"

He turns on his heels and starts walking, his head down as to hide the evident blush that is quickly invading his cheeks. He doesn't need to turn around to know that Jaemin is still looking at him, but just the thought makes him somehow forget how to walk properly and starts to overthink every step he takes in fear that he's gonna trip or something.

_You really did that, huh, STB? You really asked him out._

No, he most definitely didn't! It was a school thing— an academy thing! Jaemin was already going, anyway.

_Sure._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!
> 
> short and sweet and not much happens, but i hope you liked it! thank you so much as always for reading and for your lovely comments ♡ a lot of you said you find jeno's struggles relatable, and it made me so happy in a way because i based a lot of his worries on my own, so it's nice hearing i'm not the only one who had to go through that! i hope this fic can be of some comfort too, to any of you who may still feel this way.
> 
> thank you again! let me know what you think so far ♡
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/cryojun)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/hamleting_)  
> [moodboard](https://www.pinterest.com.au/hamleting/go/)


	6. Chapter 6

Ever since exams season started, the atmosphere in the apartment had grown unbearably tense. The peaceful post-Halloween truce between Doyoung and Taeyong had lasted a painfully short period of time, and now that both were drowning in stress their bickering and passive aggressiveness was dangerously nearing the realm of active aggressiveness. They even snapped at Jeno from time to time, although they always apologized right after. Even so, Jeno tried to stay as much under the radar as possible.

But it all culminates when Taeyong decides to dye his hair pink for the dance presentation.

Jeno is sprawled over the couch, watching some shitty tv show while Doyoung sits by the kitchen counter with a coffee pot by his side (which he may or may not have been using as a mug) and about three different piles of books, sighing loudly and asking Jeno to turn down the volume every five minutes or so. Maybe the fact that the volume was so low contributed to make the whole thing more dramatic.

" _NOOOOO!_ ", they hear Taeyong scream from the bathroom, his wail so agonizing it makes both brothers snap their attention from their activities. Doyoung stands up almost immediately, ready to throw down the bathroom door if necessary, when Taeyong appears, hiding shyly behind the corridor wall.

"What was that? Are you okay?", Doyoung says, frozen mid-way between the kitchen and the corridor.

"I made a mistake." Taeyong's voice is low and shaky, his face completely hidden in the shadows, "Please don't laugh at me."

"What happened?", Jeno says.

"I... put too much red."

He slowly steps out of the corridor, revealing his wincing face that is now coronated by messy red hair. Jeno raises his eyebrows, shocked. He'd only known the white-haired Taeyong, a color that made him look stylish but also kind of cute, since he mainly wore his fringe down. But _now_ , he looked— well, he looked hot.

But Taeyong clearly doesn't feel the same way, cause he stands awkwardly in the middle of the living room, self-consciously fixing his hair.

"I know, it's awful", he says with a wince, "I should've let Baekhyun do it instead."

"No, no way!", Jeno says, waking from his trance, "Taeyong, you look—"

"Like a clown", Doyoung says.

Jeno gapes and looks at his brother, who for a moment looks just as shocked as Jeno was when he first saw Taeyong, before turning back to his work.

"What?", Taeyong says.

"I'm just being honest, didn't you want that?"

"Doyoung!", Jeno says.

"What?", his brother turns to him and shrugs, "I didn't laugh."

"You're such a moron", Taeyong says, rolling his eyes, "No wonder why my friends don't like you."

"Maybe you have bad taste in friends", he says, his gaze lost in his books, "At least you don't look like his freaking clone anymore."

" _Whose_ clone? What are you talking about?"

"Must I say it?"

"Since I'm no fucking mind-reader, I think so."

Jeno is still on the couch, his eyes darting from one guy to the other and wondering whether to intervene or not— better no to.

"Just forget it", Doyoung says.

"Are you talking about Baekhyun?"

"Why did you ask me if you already knew?"

"Why do you hate him so much? What did he ever do to you?"

"I didn't know it was such a crime not liking someone."

Taeyong huffs and raises his hands, "Fine, whatever, just— God, you can really be an asshole sometimes."

Doyoung doesn't reply, his head down. Jeno shifts nervously on his seat and turns to Taeyong.

"You really look amazing", he says, "You're gonna blow everyone's mind on Saturday."

Taeyong smiles kindly at him, "Thank you." He throws another glare at Doyoung, who still won't look at him, before going back to the bathroom.

"You are an asshole", Jeno tells him when Taeyong is gone.

"Yes, he made that very clear."

"Why were you so mean to him? He was so insecure about it—"

"Jeno", his brother cuts him, "Stay out of it."

"But—"

"Stay out of it."

Jeno gapes at him, ready to protest, but he feels his phone buzz in his pocket. He frowns once more at his brother before taking it out and seeing he has a text from Jaemin.

 _aww, cute_ , it says, right below a picture of Jeno when he was fifteen or something. Jeno frowns and squints his eyes at the picture. What the hell? Had he stalked his old Facebook or something? He stares blankly at the screen as Jaemin writes another message.

_don't worry, i'm not stalking you_

A few moments later he sends a picture of Jeno's wallet, next to Jaemin making a little pout. Jeno's brain has two different reactions to this. On the one hand, _oh my God did Jaemin just send me his first selfie??_ , and on the other, _oh fuck i forgot my wallet at Jaemin's._

**noo :(**

**i can't believe i forgot my wallet**

_i can't believe you realized just now_

_don't worry! i can drop by your pizza place before my shift starts_

**nono, i'll go to your house**

_doesn't your shift start in like an hour?_

**...yeah**

_then it's decided! it's finefinefine_

_you can thank me with some pizza_

**okay**

**hmm, how do i know you didn't steal my wallet just so you could get free pizza?**

_just like with the pyramids, there are some mysteries that will never be resolved_

**you're very fond of mysteries, aren't you**

And again, freaking Jaemin with his freaking kissing emojis.

It's a pretty hectic night at the 127, not only for the sudden invasion of costumers and delivery calls but also because the owner's son drops by- the scary looking guy that had interviewed Jeno back then. The only thing Jeno knows about him is that his name is Yuta and that he has more piercings than Jeno has will to live. He has Jeno carrying boxes like crazy from his van to the kitchen with enough promptness that Jeno momentarily forgets about Jaemin's visit. Luckily, since Jaemin said he was gonna arrive before his shift started (the _super night shift_ ) it's not until they're closing when he does, and because Jeno is a fool with a capital F for Jaemin he somehow manages to save a few pizza slices for him.

"Oww, you really did that?", Jaemin says once he arrives, looking at the slices with heart eyes, "I was just kidding."

"No, you weren't", Jeno takes his wallet back shyly as Jaemin sits on one of the high stools by the counter, "Thanks."

"Sure thing. You know what they say when someone forgets something at someone else's place, right?"

"That they're very stupid?"

Jaemin smiles and shakes his head, already eating the first slice, "I'll let you look it up yourself."

"Ah, come on", Jeno says with a pout, "You're pulling a Jaemin again."

Jaemin chuckles, " _A Jaemin_?"

"You know, you being ambiguous."

"Hmm, cryptic, ambiguous... I should start writing these down."

Jeno smiles just as he feels a cloth hitting his head before falling to the floor, and he turns around to find Jisung gesturing at him angrily from the kitchens. He leaves Jaemin alone and follows him.

"What are you doing?", Jisung hisses once the doors close behind Jeno, "This is no social club, help me clean up!"

"Oh, uh...", Jeno looks at the kitchen doors and back at Jisung, "Yeah, don't worry about that, I got it."

"What?"

"Don't you have school tomorrow? You should go home."

Jisung raises his eyebrows at him, "So, _now_ you start caring about that? STB, just say you want to spend time with your boyfriend."

" _He's not my boyfriend!_ ", Jeno whispers.

"Fine, whatever", Jisung sighs, "I'll just get out the trash and I'll go."

"Great!", Jeno gives him his eye smile. Jisung just shakes his head.

After that Jeno spends some lovely two and a half minutes alone with Jaemin before Jisung interrupts them again. This time he doesn't throw a cloth at him, but he approaches with a miserable look on his face.

"You better come see this."

Jeno complains internally but does as he says, with Jaemin following close behind. Jisung leads them through the back door, which leads to a dark alley. Then he goes around one of the large trash bins and beckons them to come closer, looking down at the floor. There's a little grey cat there, sheltered against the wall and throwing scared looks at them, its tiny body shaking.

"Ohh", Jeno says with a wince, "Is it hurt?"

"I don't know, but look", Jisung says, pointing at the cat's head. It has a heart-shaped white spot next to its left eye.

"It's Whiskers!", Jeno realizes, "She really was here after all."

"I can't believe that psycho was right."

Jeno crouches next to the cat as she lifts her big green eyes to him, not even moving. She looks so scared and vulnerable that Jeno's heart breaks in an instant.

"She's so skinny", Jaemin notices, crouching next to Jeno, "How long do you think she's been here?"

Jisung shrugs, "Could be hours, days..."

Jeno reaches carefully towards the cat, caressing her head gently before going down her neck to see if she has a collar. She doesn't.

"Do you have Chenle's number? She seems to have lost her collar."

Jisung scoffs, "Like I would have that guy's phone number."

"Well, we should do something, right? We can't just leave her here."

"I'm not taking her home, my mom is allergic as hell. So unless you know some vet who is actually working at this hour..."

Jeno stands up as he thinks, "Actually, I do."

The mattress guy. The owner of the shitty car. Doyoung's old roommate. He worked with animals, right?

He takes out his phone and looks for the guy's number, saved as _Jungwoo mattress_. Doyoung had given him his number in case something like this ever happened, since the guy volunteered at an animal shelter. He decides this qualifies as an emergency so he calls instead of texting.

After talking with the person with probably the softest voice Jeno has ever heard he hangs up and announces that Jungwoo will be there in about ten minutes.

"Alright, STB, imma head out", Jisung says, throwing a glance at Whiskers, "Good luck."

Jaemin watches as Jisung gets back in the building, and once he's gone he looks up at Jeno, " _STB_?"

Jeno puts his phone back in his pocket and shrugs casually, "Yeah, you know, as in, uh— super, troublemaker... badass."

"Ohhh", Jaemin says with a grin, "Yes, that's totally you."

Jeno clicks his tongue playfully and shakes his head, "You don't know me, Na Jaemin."

Jaemin raises his eyebrows and laughs but he doesn't comment. Jeno crouches next to him again and looks at the little kitten, who raises her big green eyes at him in fear.

"It's okay", Jeno says softly, running a finger between her little ears, "You're gonna be okay."

They both stay in silence, looking at Whiskers as she gets more comfortable with their presence.

"Should I give her my pizza?", Jaemin says suddenly.

Jeno laughs, "What?"

"I don't know, I want to do something too! I'm feeling kind of useless."

"I don't think cats eat pizza. We do have some anchovies, though."

Jaemin scrunches his nose, "Gross. But I guess that'll do."

Jeno leaves Jaemin to feed her some while he finishes closing the place, and as he's arranging the tables some slender, goth-looking guy knocks on the door. Jeno makes him a signal through the glass to let him know that they're closed but the guy just stands there, looking around. With a sigh, Jeno goes to the front and opens the door.

"Sorry, we're closed."

"Are you Jeno?"

Jeno raises his eyebrows as he recognizes the soft voice, "You're Jungwoo?"

The guy giggles as he nods, "Ah, I can't believe I'm finally meeting Doie's little brother!"

His soft voice and shy manners make such a contrast with his appearance it takes Jeno a moment to assemble both impressions into one person. He's dressed in an incredibly uncomfortable way for someone who allegedly rescues strays, with about three different chains attached to his jeans, heavy-looking combat boots and a net sweater thrown over a turtleneck. All black, of course. And covered in animal hair.

"I hadn't heard that nickname in ages", Jeno says as he lets him in.

Jungwoo looks around with curiosity, as if it was some kind of spaceship instead of a generic pizza place, "Oh? And what does his new roommate call him?"

"...Doyoung."

Jungwoo hums, grabbing one of the napkin dispensers and inspecting it with slender hands decorated by chipped, black nail-polish, "Boring. Well, where's the little kitty? She escaped?"

"No, no, she's in the back. With my, um— friend."

Friend? Was that accurate? Yeah, they were friends. Friends! _Friendsfriendsfriends._

While his brain malfunctions Jeno guides Jungwoo to the alley. Jaemin is petting Whiskers gently, the can of anchovies on the floor next to him, empty.

"Hello, you cutie", Jungwoo says as he approaches.

"Hi!", Jaemin says with a bright smile.

Jungwoo stops in his tracks and raises his eyebrows at him, "Oh, I, uh. I was talking to the cat."

"Oh..."

Jaemin stands up and goes next to Jeno as Jungwoo examines Whiskers, touching her gently so as to not move her too much or cause her any pain.

"She ate _all of them_ ", Jaemin whispers, leaning towards Jeno, "It's okay, right? She won't explode like fish do."

"What?, Jeno whispers back, "Fish?"

"You know, like when you feed them too much. Will she explode?"

Jeno shrugs.

"Cats don't explode", Jungwoo says suddenly, turning to them with a little smile, "But that doesn't mean they can't get indigestion."

"Oh", Jaemin says with a wince, "Haha, sorry."

"She looks alright, though", Jungwoo says, turning back to Whiskers, "Seems to have broken her leg, but it could be just a splint. We'll have to take her to the vet tomorrow."

"About the owner", Jeno says, "We know the guy, but we don't have his number."

"That's okay, she can stay with me in the meantime", he grabs Whiskers gently and stands up, his multiple chains jingling softly, "I'll improvise a little cast for her until she sees a real doctor."

They go into the 127 and back outside towards Jungwoo's car. He places Whiskers inside a small cage in the passenger seat before turning to them.

"You guys need a ride?"

"Sure!", Jeno says immediately, the sloth of his brain forgetting he was actually (hanging out?) with Jaemin. Sometimes the range of his own stupidity surprised him. "Oh, I mean, you're going to work now, right?", he says to Jaemin.

"Yeah! But, uh, I actually have like an hour before my shift starts, so... I think I'll just walk?"

Jeno stays where he is, holding the door open and looking from the car to Jaemin.

Jungwoo raises an eyebrow at them as time passes and no one moves or speaks. "You know, I'm gonna need some help with the bandaging. You'd like to help? I can give you both a ride afterwards."

The consensus is immediate and unanimous, luckily. As they get in the backseat Jungwoo turns on the engine and some loud post-punk music starts raging from the speakers, making them both jump.

"Whoops", Jungwoo says with a giggle, turning off the radio, "Sorry, I was with some friends before I came here." He reaches under the co-pilot seat and hands a soft blanket to Jeno, "You should carry Whiskers, she'll feel safer that way."

He takes Whiskers out from the cage and Jeno grabs her gently, trying not to put pressure on her injured leg as he places her on his lap. She's so tiny Jeno could hold her just with one hand, and when she looks up at him and nuzzles her little head against his stomach his heart explodes in sheer cuteness.

"Aww, she likes you", Jaemin says, reaching with his finger and scratching behind her ears, getting closer to Jeno at the same time and making his heart explode for the second time. He probably wasn't going to survive the drive.

"She's so tiny", Jeno says, looking at her little body getting lost in the blanket, "She must've been so scared in that alley, all alone..."

"Hmm, it's kind of odd", Jungwoo says as he starts the car, "Kittens don't usually run out of houses... unless that guy is terribly negligent."

Jeno shrugs, "He came almost every week looking for her, said she had escaped again."

Jungwoo hums in disapproval, but doesn't say anything. Then he turns on the radio again, the volume considerably lower this time.

It's been a while since Jeno was in a car at night. Since it's a weekday the streets are fairly quiet, most of the shops already closed or in the process of it. Jeno looks down at Whiskers as she breathes softly into the blanket, her little body illuminated by the passing lights of the lampposts outside. Then his gaze wanders a bit further, where his knee meets Jaemin's own, with his jeans conveniently ripped just in the point of contact. There's enough space for them to sit apart, but neither of them moves. Jeno chances a glance at Jaemin and finds him staring through the window, humming softy over the dreamy song playing on the radio.

_Whenever I'm alone with you,_

_you make me feel like I am home again._

_Whenever I'm alone with you,_

_you make me feel like I am whole again._

Jaemin turns to look at him when he senses his staring, and Jeno shifts his gaze quickly towards Jungwoo as his heart jumps out of his chest.

"So are you a vet or something?", he blurts out in probably an octave higher than his regular voice.

"Huh? Me? Oh, I'm just a student. There's still a long way to go."

"But you can still make a cast for Whiskers?"

"Yeah, don't worry! I've done a tone of those. Or are you boys being suspicious?"

"No, no! I mean, uh-"

"Always trust a person who wears black nail-polish", Jaemin offers.

"Yeah, that."

Jungwoo hums, "How do you know I'm the real Jungwoo, though? Hm... I could be some crazy axe-murderer who is luring you both to his creepy lair."

"You just called my brother _Doie_."

"Oh, you're right. Hm, bummer."

Jungwoo's building is pretty much like Doyoung's, only that in this one the elevator actually works and thank God cause he lives on the eighth floor. But the apartment is not like Doyoung's at all— there's stuff everywhere, from empty food containers to dirty socks laying on the floor. Jungwoo doesn't acknowledge the mess, which probably means he doesn't really care. No wonder he and Doyoung weren't flatmates anymore, Jungwoo surely made the other one go crazy.

Just as Jungwoo closes the door an black cat appears, looking at Jeno with curiosity.

"Hey there", Jeno says, fighting the urge to pet it since he's already carrying an injured kitten in his arms.

"Aww, cute", Jaemin says as he goes to it, stepping on a little toy that lets out a loud, squeaky sound. Jaemin jumps and the cat runs away, merging with the darkness of an adjacent room

"Ahh, yes, sorry for the mess", Jungwoo says absent-mindedly as he throws his keys into what could only be described as the Bermuda Triangle of miscellaneous objects, "My roommate is in the middle of moving out. The two things aren't related, though, it always looks like this."

Jungwoo guides them to another room, a reduced space with a rusty washing machine and a little table with probably the cleanest surface on the apartment, where Jeno places Whiskers. Then Jungwoo turns to Jaemin, who's looking at them from the door, "Come, come, you're going to hold her."

Jaemin steps into the room and approaches the table slowly, throwing dubious looks at Whiskers.

"She _won't_ explode", Jungwoo says.

"I know! I know."

Jaemin pets Whiskers head gently before holding her and Jeno just stays there, about to collapse because Jaemin is holding a little kitten.

"We're gonna make her a provisory cast so she doesn't keep damaging her leg", Jungwoo starts explaining as he puts some tape across her little leg and sticks two flat sticks on either side of it, "You gotta make sure the cast covers right above and below the joint, and that the bandage isn't too tight so it doesn't restrain movement too much."

Jeno listens closely as Jungwoo starts bandaging the leg, not quite sure why he's explaining everything to them but kind of interested anyway. As Jungwoo starts wrapping the leg with the white cloth Whiskers begins to complain, moving underneath Jaemin's hands.

"Aaaaah!", Jaemin yells.

"It's okay, you're doing fine", Jungwoo says gently, stopping with the bandaging to pet Whiskers softly.

"I am?", Jaemin says, smiling proudly before realizing Jungwoo isn't looking at him at all, "Oh, you were talking to her. Again."

"You're doing fine, too."

Jungwoo finishes wrapping her leg in the white cloth and looks up at Jeno, "You want to go on? I should gather some things for her cage."

"What?", Jeno says, looking at him with a mild horrified expression, "You want _me_ to do it?"

"It's okay, you just have to cover the bandage with some tape."

"What if I do something wrong?"

"Then I'll be right by your side to fix it."

Jeno rolls up his sleeves, a wince in his face as Jungwoo passes him some pink tape with a cartoon-dinosaur pattern. Again, the red thread Jaemin gave him is right there for the world to see cause Jeno didn't know if it was more appropriate leaving it on or taking it off but whatever, whatever.

"Jeno", Jungwoo calls, "Come on, don't be shy."

"I'm not shy, I'm terrified. And, what do you mean you have to gather some stuff for her cage?"

"Oh, she'll have to stay inside it for a few weeks", Jeno furrows his eyebrows, so Jungwoo elaborates, "Don't worry, it's for her own safety— she needs to be in a contained space where she has everything she needs to be able to truly heal."

"Oh."

Jungwoo smiles and nods at the dinosaur tape, so Jeno looks down at Whiskers again.

"This is for more stability and so that she doesn't take the cast off", Jungwoo says as Jeno starts wrapping her leg with the tape, "You gotta make sure her little toes aren't covered so you can see whether they are swollen or not— that will tell you if the bandage is too tight."

Again, Jeno isn't sure why he's sharing that information with them but he nods anyway and follows his instructions. Having Jaemin literally centimeters away and looking at him isn't exactly helping with his attention span, so he tries focusing on Whiskers instead. He doesn't want her to be in pain, or to suffer for too long.

As he gets the hang of it Jungwoo disappears, leaving the two alone in the little room. Whiskers keeps complaining from time to time, twisting under Jaemin's steady hands and making him fear for his life. But Jeno finishes soon after that, and now her little leg is all bandaged and covered in colorful dinosaurs.

Jeno lets out a little laugh and looks at Jaemin, "Woah, that was so cool. We just healed her!"

Jaemin smiles and releases the pressure on Whiskers before raising her gently, " _You_ healed her, Doctor Lee. I just watched."

Jeno looks away as he laughs nervously, "Come on, let's go with Jungwoo."

But when they go back to the living room they find a middle-sized cage placed over a table and no trace of Jungwoo. Jeno turns to Jaemin, who shrugs, "He's probably in the bathroom."

As Jaemin goes to the cage to lay Whiskers on the pillow inside it Jeno's phone buzzes. It's a message from Jungwoo.

_forgot to buy cat food, brb ;)_

Jeno frowns, "Um, he went to buy cat food."

"Ah...", Jaemin says, amused. Jeno looks up from his phone to see that he's grinning, looking towards the kitchen. Jeno follows his gaze and discovers a ridiculously large bag of cat food, right against the kitchen counter and very much full.

"Oh. Uh, maybe it's the wrong type?"

Jaemin looks at him and laughs, "Sure."

He closes the door of the cage and they both watch as Whiskers starts pacing around the small space, stumbling and meowing as she discovers she has a paralysed leg.

Jeno winces, "Poor Whiskers. Imagine having to spend weeks stuck inside a cage."

"Yeah. It's kind of metaphorical, though."

Jeno gives him a look.

"You know!", Jaemin says, "It's like, she's not ready to step into the big world yet because she'll get hurt— she has to heal first. Metaphorical!"

"I guess."

Jaemin huffs and goes sit on the couch, " _I guess_? I'll make a whole film based on that metaphor, and when it wins all the awards I'll go looking for you."

Jeno laughs and goes sit next to him, "Alright, it's a great metaphor, the best one I've ever heard. Don't know a metaphor for _what_ , but I'll just have to trust you."

"Much better."

Silence falls between them, and just then Jeno realizes they're all alone, in an apartment, at night. Oh, man. He can sense the buzzing quietness around them growing heavier as he thinks about this, and he shifts on his seat nervously.

"Whiskers calmed down", he observes.

Jaemin nods, "She did."

They go silent again. Jeno doesn't know why he's so nervous, they are literally in the least romantic place possible— there's random items of clothing laying around, the coffee table in front of them is littered in receipts and half-empty mugs, and there's an injured kitten sleeping in a cage.

The couch moves as Jaemin turns to face him, resting his head against the pillows. Since Jeno met him his vibrant blue hair had faded into a lighter tone, and now it had reached an almost grey color, resembling a cloudy sky rather than a clear one. It made him look more approachable, somehow. Less like a fleeting shooting star and more like a steady, glinting one. Comfortable, familiar.

"You kept it", Jaemin says.

Jeno follows his gaze, finding the red thread around his wrist, "Oh, yeah. I, uh, I watched the movie."

"What did you think?"

"It's kind of sad. But also very sweet."

Jaemin nods, "That's what makes it more sad, I think. Or vice-versa."

Jeno remembers something Jaemin had said in one of their meetings, about life and how it being shitty made the good stuff stand out. God, why did he have to say things like that all the time? How was Jeno supposed to not fall for him?

"You're always saying stuff like that", Jeno says, "Finding meaning in everything."

Jaemin laughs, "I don't find meaning, I just talk too much. Some of what I say makes sense, I guess. I make up my own meaning."

"That's... oddly inspiring. Like, self-help book inspiring."

"What's up with people hating on those books? They _are_ inspiring."

"They sell them at supermarkets."

"That's not the book's fault!"

"Then you _do_ believe happiness is achievable in seven steps?"

"Everything is achievable in seven steps, it only depends on what you consider a step."

Jeno laughs, "See! Life lessons. They just flow out of you."

Jaemin shrugs playfully, "Maybe I'm the Yoda to your Luke, the Gandalf to your Frodo. Kind of unfair, since that would mean I'm old and ugly."

"Come on, you're far from that."

Jaemin smiles at him, and the buzzing feeling returns. Jaemin's eyes find Jeno's hand again, and in a movement so slow he feels like he's dreaming it he extends his own and traces a finger along the red thread, sending tingles through Jeno's skin.

"Jaemin?", Jeno says quietly, "Back on the rooftop, when you said you liked me... you meant it as in, like a friend, right?"

The stillness of the apartment seems to escalate as Jaemin looks up at him, his eyes shimmering just like they did on that Halloween night under the stars, "I think we both know I didn't."

Jeno doesn't look away when Jaemin holds his gaze a little longer, not even when he's overwhelmed by the nice feeling that starts spreading inside his chest like warm honey. He looks down as Jaemin's hand finds his, and the whole world seems to spin for a moment, so fast he can barely catch up.

"Jaemin", he manages to say, "You know I won't stay here for long."

Jaemin hums, still holding his hand. He's so close Jeno can feel his warmth, almost hear his breathing next to him.

But then, something changes. The looming shadow returns, creeping up behind him and filling him with doubt all over again, torturing him as the silence goes on and on and the bubbles in his stomach go crazy.

Time begins to speed dangerously as a thousand thoughts cross his mind. He wishes he could be braver, to actually be certain about something. He doesn't want to keep floating through life as things just happen around him. He doesn't want to be that guy who accepts coffee even though he doesn't want it. But he's so, so terrified. Why is he so terrified?

"Jeno, it's alright", Jaemin says when he doesn't say anything.

"I just— I don't know if it's a good idea."

Jaemin nods silently. Then, time stops turning altogether, and Jeno feels his heart drop as Jaemin lets go of his hand.

_No, nononno. Fuck._

He wants to take it back. Fuck, he wants to take it back and kiss Jaemin right then and there. But he doesn't, and the looming shadow behind him wraps his arms around him and keeps him right there as he sees Jaemin putting on a smile, like nothing happened.

"Well, uh. I should get going, my shift starts in a bit", Jaemin says as he gets up.

Jeno stays where he is, completely frozen, watching as Jaemin goes towards the door.

"Um, okay", he says at last, getting up as well. "Maybe Jungwoo can give you a ride."

"No, no, it's fine", Jaemin smiles again, a small smile that makes Jeno hate himself, "It's not far anyway. You should wait for him, keep Whiskers company."

Jeno furrows his eyebrows, looking back and forth between Whiskers, in her little cage, and Jaemin, already opening the door.

"It's okay, really!", Jaemin says, "Thanks for the pizza."

"Sure."

Jaemin makes a little wave at him from the door and leaves, leaving Jeno standing in the middle of the room with just an oppressive silence and a sleeping Whiskers to keep him company. He could go after him. He _should_ go after him. Why isn't he going after him?

Time passes and Jeno is still standing in the middle of the room, a big black pit opening in his stomach. What happened? They were just there, a moment ago, so close Jeno could count Jaemin's eyelashes as they brushed his cheeks.

The front door opens again, and Jeno looks up, hopeful. It's just Jungwoo.

"Hey, what happened?", he says as he closes the door, "Saw your friend leaving."

"He had to go", Jeno says, looking away and swallowing through the painful knot that is already forming in his throat, "You should check on Whiskers in case I messed up with the dinosaur tape."

Jungwoo drives him home a few minutes after that, talking lively as he shares some anecdotes from when he and Doyoung lived together. Jeno nods and hums every now and then, his eyes lost in the passing blur of city lights around them, not really listening to him.

He takes out his phone and opens Jaemin's chat, his fingers hovering over the screen as he thinks of something to say. But minutes pass and the screen stares back at him, no texts from Jeno, no texts from Jaemin. He blocks it and throws it inside his backpack with a bitter feeling swirling in his stomach. Then he takes out his wallet from his pocket to throw it in too, but as he's about to do it something catches his eye. There's a white paper sticking from the wallet. His heart shrinks inside his chest as he takes it out and looks at it.

It's a picture of Jeno and Renjun on Halloween. They're sitting on the rooftop, the night sky impossibly big and filled with stars surrounding them. Renjun is holding the bottle of champagne to his chest and gesticulating excitedly with his other hand, immersed in whatever he's saying, and Jeno is looking at him with his eyebrows raised in interest and his lips slightly parted.

Oh, God. When did Jaemin take this? Thinking about him taking the trouble of printing it and putting it inside Jeno's wallet makes the painful knot in his throat tighten. But then he turns the picture around, and when he sees the words written there he feels so, so miserable, he wishes he could go to sleep and not wake up for another two weeks.

_Description: Jeno paying close attention as Injunnie explains his crazy conspiracy theories. Lee Jeno, you're so nice. What did we ever do to deserve you? —J._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there! 
> 
> i'm already feeling kind of emotional because there's only two chapters left and i grew so attached to these characters even though i made them up ??? i don't know, it's midnight and i don't know how to form a decent sentence so i'm gonna stop talking
> 
> thank you so much for reading and for your lovely comments that never fail to make my day!!! ♡ i'm so happy for all the people who read my story and for the ones that still follow it ♡ i hope you liked this chapter!!
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/cryojun)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/hamleting_)  
> [moodboard](https://www.pinterest.com.au/hamleting/go/)


	7. Chapter 7

It's been a few days since Jeno last saw Jaemin. Also since he last talked to him. And with each day that passed Jeno kept trying to convince himself that he'd done the right thing— it was no use giving Jaemin, or himself, false hopes. But still, he couldn't help feeling a deep hole in his stomach whenever he thought about it. 

Jisung must have noticed something was wrong, cause not even once he scolded Jeno for looking at his phone every five minutes, staring blankly at the screen with no text messages. He didn't ask about it either, thankfully. Cause even if he did, what would Jeno say? _I'm a fool, I let myself fall for some film student although I knew it wasn't going to work._

Maybe Jeno was being too dramatic about it. It was just a crush, a fleeting city crush. One year from now he'd be... somewhere. One year from now all his problems and worries would already be solved. He just had to figure out what to do to get there. 

He's still staring at his phone when Chenle comes into the 127, walking towards the counter with his usual, carefree stride. It's the first time he appears since they found Whiskers, so at least Jeno could distract himself with that. 

Jeno pockets his phone and looks at Jisung, who's already waiting for Chenle at the counter with an uninterested expression. 

"Guess what", he says before the guy even opens his mouth, "We found your cat." 

Chenle stops right on his tracks, eyebrows raised in surprise, "Co—come again?" 

"Are you deaf? Your cat, we found her." 

He shoots a look at Jeno, so he quickly grabs his phone and looks for the picture he took of her. He shows it to Chenle, who's gone dead serious all of a sudden. 

"Ahh, nope, that's not her!", he says after a moment with a short laugh, "Bad luck." 

"The hell you mean, bad luck?", Jisung says, "It's her, has the goddamn heart-shaped spot you wouldn't shut up about." 

He shoots another look at Jeno, who obediently zooms in the little white spot and shows it to Chenle. 

Chenle's eyes snap wide open as he looks at the picture, a slightly scared expression on his face, " _Impossible_ ", he whispers. 

"See? A happy ending, how lovely", Jisung says as he rolls his eyes, "Jeno will tell you how to contact the guy." 

"We had to cast her up since she injured her leg very badly", Jeno says, handing Chenle a little paper with Jungwoo's number and address. Chenle takes it and studies it with a frown. 

"Uh...", he scratches his neck nervously, "You know, I don't think that's my Whiskers, maybe she has a twin or something, you know, a doppleganger." 

Jisung looks like he's ready to kill the guy, "A doppelganger. Your cat. Has a fucking doppleganger." 

"It's a crazy world, I don't know!", Chenle says, throwing his hands in the air, "Anyway, uh, nice evening to you too." 

Jisung and Jeno watch, both of them completely perplexed, as he rushes towards the door. Just as he's about to step out someone carrying a ton of boxes comes in, and Chenle bumps into them. 

"Hey!", the newcomer yells, struggling to keep the tower of boxes from collapsing. Before Chenle can apologise the newcomer sticks their head from behind the tower, revealing his identity. Chenle's face turns instantly pale as he looks at the deadly scowl Yuta has on his face. 

"Oh, _there_ you are", Yuta says angrily, "Mom was wondering where you'd ran off to." 

" _Mom_?", Jeno and Jisung say at the same time. Both gazes fall on Chenle, who looks like he wants nothing more than melt into the floor. 

"Well, since you're here you might as well help me", Yuta says as he drops the boxes on Chenle's arms, making the other one sink an inch or two. Chenle glances at them, a guilty expression on his face. Yuta follows his gaze, eyebrows furrowed, before sighing heavily, "Ah, don't tell me you've been terrorising the employees again." 

"He has", Jisung jumps in before the other one can say anything, "Hey, quick tip? Maybe don't adopt a cat if you're not gonna take care of it." 

Yuta frowns at him, "What Cat?" 

"Your cat, Whiskers?", Jeno says, raising his phone shyly, "We found her in the back." 

Yuta looks at Jeno's phone just for a moment before shooting an icy glare at his little brother, " _Whiskers_ , really? Couldn't you think of a lamer name for your fake cat?" 

"Your fake what??", Jisung almost yells, literal steam coming out his ears. 

"Fake?", is all Jeno is able to say, his phone still up, "Then who's cat is this?" 

All eyes are on Chenle now, hidden behind the boxes. His eyes dart towards his brother and the two other guys like a million times before pushing the boxes to Yuta's chest and running away from the 127, yelling a little _byeeee_ as the door slowly closes behind him. 

Jeno and Jisung keep staring at the door, paralised, as Yuta approaches with a huff, "Sorry, he gets bored easily. He won't bother you again." 

Yuta and the boxes disappear into the kitchen, leaving the pair of pizza boys speechless. 

Jeno looks down at the picture of Whiskers —not Whiskers?— and frowns, "I can't believe he made that up." 

"He did something far worse", Jisung hisses, his face acquiring a darker grim, "I bet he was the one who made us dress up for Halloween." 

A whole other day passes with no texts from Jaemin. Every time Jeno takes out his phone to find absolutely nothing his heart shrinks a bit more, along with a looming sense of regret and guilt. If he'd done the right thing, why did he feel so bad? And why was Jaemin so quiet? Should Jeno text him? 

The day of the dance presentation has arrived and now he's at the academy with Doyoung, waiting outside the auditorium with the rest of the crowd. Jeno looks around the faces of strangers, hoping that maybe he'll find Jaemin amongst them. Even if things had ended weird with him the other day, Jaemin had said he was coming to this thing. But the blue-haired guy is nowhere to be seen, and Jeno starts to grow anxious. 

At least he's not the only one who's anxious. By his side, Doyoung keeps shifting on his spot nervously, his hand closed around the thorny stem of a rose. 

"You'll get hurt", Jeno says, tapping his hand, "Don't get mad at this, but isn't it a bit shitty apologizing with a flower?" 

"I've already apologized", his brother says with a grimace, passing the rose to his other hand, "Plenty of times. This is just an extra." 

"But did you say what you were sorry for or, you know, just said sorry?" 

"Huh? What's the difference?" 

"Come on, you're older than me, you should know this stuff." 

Doyoung hums but doesn't say anything, still frowning miserably. What a pair they were. 

Everyone is starting to go into the auditorium, so Jeno looks around one last time. His heart almost skips a beat when he sees someone with blue hair on the other side of the hall, but when they turn around they end up being someone else. Jeno takes out his text-less phone one last time before putting the sound off and finding a seat with Doyoung. 

The show starts a few minutes after that, and Jeno tries his best to forget about Jaemin and focus on it. 

He's never been to a dance presentation, or show, or anything related to it, so he doesn't know a thing about dance, but he can tell everyone is super talented. Even the opening show is groundbreaking, featuring a special performance by students from a friend ballet academy that, according to the pamphlet, was the first one to make a version of Sleeping Beauty with two leading males. Jeno never thought he would find ballet to be so mesmerizing, even breathtaking. But a few performances later Taeyong makes his appearance, and Jeno has to blink a few times to check that he's seeing correctly. 

He looks so different from his normal self, unhinged and even scary, but not in a bad way. He's not sure what type of dancing that is— the music keeps alternating between fast and slow paced, with an electronic beat mixed with some string instruments. It all looks very cool and modern and even though Taeyong is dancing with at least four other people he manages to stand out, not only because of his electric red hair and glittery outfit but also because of his sheer charisma. 

Jeno turns to Doyoung and finds that he, too, is hypnotised with the choreography, his lips a bit parted and his eyes wide and gleaming. Jeno chuckles and turns towards the stage again. 

He also gets to see Baekhyun and Ten dancing alongside Taeyong, both incredibly talented as well and with their own characteristic styles. It was so strange seeing them on stage dancing with such precision and expertise, after having witnessed them doing drunken Fortnite dances at one a.m. 

After the show ends he and Doyoung go out to the hall again, where everyone is waiting to greet and congratulate the dancers. They spot Taeyong soon enough, his whole body covered in glitter and with the widest smile Jeno has seen on him. Jeno waves at him as he approaches, and before Taeyong can say anything Jeno wraps his arms tightly around him. 

"You were amazing!!!", Jeno says. Taeyong lets out a surprised laugh and hugs him back. 

"Aww, thank you." 

Jeno smiles at him and steps back, and they both turn towards Doyoung, who is awkwardly watching them as he holds onto the rose. 

"Um", he says, "Hey." 

Taeyong raises an eyebrow at him and glances at the flower, "Hey." 

"You were so good. I mean, _so_ good, Taeyong, seriously", Doyoung says, "I haven't seen anyone dance like that in my life. I mean, I've seen you dance before, but this time... It was really something. Else. Something else." 

Doyoung shifts on his spot and stretches his arm at him, holding the rose tightly and looking like he just ate a brick. "I'm sorry. You were right, I was an asshole. I'm sorry for being an asshole. Your hair looks fucking amazing, I don't know why I made fun of it. I'm sorry for making fun of it, and for insulting your friends." 

Taeyong stares at him, looking like he's torn between yelling at him and laughing. He takes the flower, sceptical. "Thanks." 

"Have I already said you were amazing?" 

"I think you did, but I wouldn't mind hearing it again." 

"You were amazing." 

Taeyong grins and holds a hand to his ear, leaning in. "Sorry? I didn't quite catch that." 

Doyoung glares at him, all nervousness gone, "You're really enjoying this, aren't you." 

"Care if I document this moment?", Taeyong says, taking out his phone and pointing it at him, "Doyoung, what did you just say about Taeyongie?" 

"Put that away", Doyoung says, covering the camera with his hand and taking a step back. 

"Come on, just once more." 

"I won't say it." 

"Just once!" 

"I won't." 

Jeno stays on his spot as he watches Taeyong chase Doyoung down the hall, pointing his phone at him while the other one covers his face. Well, at least they were back to normal. 

Just as he's looking around he sees Renjun, standing on the other side of the hall with a camera hanging from his neck. Renjun sees him too and nods at him, so Jeno approaches. 

"Hey", Jeno says, "You saw the show?" 

"Yeah, I was hired to take some pictures of the dancers." 

Jeno nods, and Renjun nods back, and they both fall silent. Without Jaemin functioning as a link between them they were just a pair of awkward and quiet individuals, apparently. 

Jeno shifts on his spot, "So, uh, how are exams going?" 

"Look, Jeno", Renjun says, cutting to the chase, "You're a nice guy, right? You're alright." 

Jeno stares at him, confused. "Um, I guess?" 

"I know Jaemin likes to put on a smile to give the impression that he's carefree about everything, but he's very sensitive, too. I need to know you won't go around giving him false expectations." 

"What? No, of course not. I'd never do something that might hurt him." 

"Not intentionally." 

Jeno furrows his eyebrows, taken aback by Renjun's bluntness. 

"I'm not saying this to make you feel bad", Renjun says, his gaze softening, "I'm just watching out for him. As I said, I think you're a nice guy." 

"Alright", Jeno says, uncertain, "Is he okay?" 

"Uh, yeah." Renjun looks away, then at his camera, "I should get going, they want these edited by tomorrow afternoon." 

"Oh, okay." 

Renjun leaves with yet another awkward nod, leaving Jeno feeling completely clueless and guilty. Had he really been doing that? Giving false expectations? He takes out his phone to see if Jaemin texted during the show, but still, no texts. God, why was this so confusing? 

"Jeno!", he hears someone say, and for a brief moment his heart jumps, but it's just Baekhyun. He and Ten approach him, both just as covered in glitter as Taeyong. 

"Hey", Jeno says with a smile, "You guys were amazing." 

"Thanks! Have you seen Taeyong? He promised to buy us some pizzas after the show." 

"I never agreed to such a thing", Taeyong says, appearing behind them with a sulking Doyoung. 

Doyoung looks at Baekhyun with a wince, like he's having some internal fight, before saying, "Hey. You guys... were amazing... well done." 

Baekhyun and Ten stare at him, identical stunned expressions on their faces. 

"Uh, thanks", Ten says. 

"I understand why Taeyong's always saying you're such good dancers", Doyoung goes on, looking like he's about to die any second. By his side Taeyong watches him with a satisfied grin. "You are both very talented." 

There's an uncomfortable silence after that, Doyoung with his eyes glued to the floor. 

Ten furrows his eyebrows and looks at Taeyong, "Did you drug him or something?" 

"Why is everyone so suspicious when I say nice stuff?", Doyoung complains, breaking out of his polite shell. 

"I think this calls for a celebration", Baekhyun says, smiling widely and wrapping an arm around a very uncomfortable Doyoung, "You up for some beer-jenga?" 

Doyoung stares back at him, scared for his life, as Taeyong lets out a laugh. "Maybe we should start with pizza." 

Sunday morning is grim and cold and stormy. Jeno opens his eyes for a brief moment only to close them again and roll to his other side, sinking in the covers. Getting up would mean facing the ever growing pile of worries he'd been accumulating over the weeks, so what's the point? 

The room is still dark when Doyoung comes to see him about three hours later, probably to tell him that lunch is ready. Jeno pretends to be asleep. 

After Doyoung leaves, Jeno reaches for his phone, stuck under his pillow. He closes his eyes for a few seconds to apaciguate the nervous feeling in his stomach before unblocking the screen. Still no messages. 

He checks his connection and opens his chat with Jaemin at least ten times before finally accepting that the guy simply hadn't texted. In bitter resignation, he turns off the phone altogether and throws it to the other side of the room, and it falls with a soft sound over his backpack. 

His backpack. His backpack, containing his wallet. His wallet, containing the picture Jaemin left in there. 

With a sulky feeling, he rolls to his side once more and hides under the covers until he falls asleep again. 

"Jeno." 

He wakes up to find the bedroom even darker, the windows foggy with rain. He turns his heavy head towards the door, where a distant light makes a sharp contrast with the figure of his brother. 

"What is it?", Jeno says, his voice raspy. 

"It's five p.m." 

"So?" 

"You haven't eaten all day." 

Jeno rubs his eyes and stares at him for a moment. Then he turns towards the window, with his back to him "I'm not hungry." 

Doyoung's feet don't move for a while. Then he hears him walk towards him. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Nothing, I'm just tired." 

"Come on." 

Jeno turns to him again. He can't see his brother's face in the dark, but he can sense the concern in his voice. 

"Really, I'm okay", he says, "The world won't miss me if I disappear for a day. I don't think it would ever miss me." 

" _Jenooo_ ", Doyoung complains, crouching next to his mattress and shaking him, "Don't go emo on me." 

"It's true, though. How am I contributing for the greater good? I'll keep on sleeping until I find the answer." 

"Come on, you don't mean that." 

Jeno just lays there, his head feeling like it weighs a thousand tons and his temples throbbing from the excessive hours he's spent in bed. He doesn't even have the energy to be sad. He just feels... nothing. A big nothing containing an even bigger nothing. 

"Hey", his brother insists, sitting on the floor next to him, "Come on, talk to me." 

"I don't want to anymore. Talk about it, I mean. It's no use." He sits up on his bed, his limbs feeling numb and weak. "I think I'll go back home." 

"What? Why?" 

"I don't want to keep invading your apartment." 

"You're not invading anything, you know Taeyong and I don't mind having you here." 

"You not minding having me here is not the same as actually wanting me here", Jeno points out. 

"Don't say that." 

Jeno sighs, running his hands through his greasy hair. "It's fine, really. I mean, I'm just here to visit. Some stupid spiritual retirement or whatever. I've done my fair share of _real world experience_ , just like dad said." 

"What are you even going to do back home?" 

"I don't know, I'll figure it out later." 

Doyoung sighs in complaint, but doesn't say anything. He stays next to him, only the faintest raindrops drumming against the glass breaking the silence. And just like that Jeno feels guiltier, not only for invading his apartment, as he clearly is, but also for being emo in his apartment. In his bedroom. 

God, he's so tired of the guilt, so tired of the self-pity. It makes him hate himself. A sickening cycle of feeling bad for himself, then feeling guilty for feeling bad for himself, then hating himself for all of it. Rinse and repeat, day after day, worse and worse. 

"At least stay until the year is over." 

Jeno turns to his brother. Self-pity. Guilt. Hate. Again. 

"No. That's more than a month." 

"A lot can happen in a month." 

"Doyoung—" 

"You're staying." 

Jeno sighs and turns to the window once more. It's stopped raining now, but it's still as dark as night. He feels a shiver run down his spine and he sinks into his pillow again. 

"Alright", he says after a while. "I just need to keep on being emo for a few hours. I didn't get to have that phase during highschool." 

"And thank God for that." 

Doyoung stands up and goes to the door. He stays there for a moment, his hand on the handle. 

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Jeno", he says. Then he closes the door, taking with him the faint light that came from the living room. 

Self-pity. Guilt. Hate. 

Jeno closes his eyes, his head complaining and begging for him to get some fresh air. He considers standing up and reaching for his phone, in his backpack. His backpack, containing his wallet. His wallet... 

He stays in bed. Soon, it starts raining again. 

"Oh my, what is that sweet smell?" 

Jeno isn't asleep this time, but he feels just as droggy. He turns to find Taeyong standing by the door, carrying something in his hand. He watches him walk into the room as he makes some silly dance with his free arm. 

"Could that be... chocolate chip cookies??", Taeyong says with an exaggerated gasp, "Shaped like cute little stars, just like the ones I made when Jeno first came here?" 

Jeno sits up and chuckles, "What are you doing?" 

"I'm luring you out of your emo phase with the power of sugar and positivity." 

"Yum." 

"Yum, indeed." 

Taeyong crouches next to him, and as Jeno's eyes adjust to the darkness he gets to see that he's holding a big plate in his hand, filled with cookies. Jeno smiles and reaches towards the plate, but before he can grab one Taeyong puts it out of his reach, "Uh-uh, no eating in the emo cave!" 

"Oh, come on", Jeno complains with a pout. 

"I'm not gonna fall for that! I'm immune to puppy-faced Jeno!" He turns and walks out of the room, taking the cookies with him, "I'll have to eat them all by myself, how very sad." 

Jeno complains once more but Taeyong doesn't come back. He leaves the door open, though, letting the sweet smell invade the stuffy room and making Jeno's empty stomach grumble. Damn it. 

"You'll always be the spoiled one, won't you?", Doyoung says once Jeno steps out of the emo cave. He's sitting on the couch, arms crossed and throwing lustful glances at the cookie plate that Taeyong is guarding by the kitchen counter. 

Jeno approaches Taeyong, his eyes puffy and still in his pajamas, and grabs a star-shaped, chocolate chip cookie with a shrug,"It's not my fault people find me adorable." 

"Oh no, he's becoming aware", Taeyong says dramatically, turning to Doyoung, "The big Ego was hereditary, after all." 

"I just want one cookie! One!" 

"You already had your share." 

Doyoung frowns and sinks deeper in the couch, "Fine, they're awful anyway." 

Taeyong turns to Jeno with a grin and Jeno laughs, a warm feeling spreading in his chest. He could let himself forget about the guilt. Just for a while. 

The rain continues well into the week, making the city streets damp and humid and covering the sidewalks in mushy trash. As it starts getting colder the skies begin to darken earlier, so now when Jeno leaves the apartment to go to work the lampposts are already alive with glinting light. 

The subway floors are also wet and dirty from all of the people coming from the rain outside, and the temperature in the wagons ascends to an uncomfortable degree due to the agglomeration of people and the heating, having Jeno putting on and off his scarf and jacket whenever he gets in or out. The whole thing is so depressing Jeno isn't sure if the city was always this uncomfortable or if he's projecting his own pessimism into it. But it sure feels like since Doyoung insisted for him to stay for another month the city charm he experienced during his first weeks was starting to fade drastically. 

Even Jisung seems to be grumpier than usual, sneering at customers when they take too long to order and wearing a frown that won't wipe from his face even during his break. 

"What happened with the stupid cat, then?", Jisung asks Jeno once they're closing the place, rubbing a wet cloth angrily against a particularly stubborn stain on one of the tables. 

"She's still with Jungwoo", Jeno replies, mopping the floors with a miserable look that won't wipe from his face either, "He won't answer my texts." 

_Either. He won't answer my texts either._

But that's not something Jeno wants to think right now. The blue-haired guy and his virtual silence could go mess with someone else's mind. 

Jisung clicks his tongue, "How stupid do you have to be to make up you're looking for your _cat._ " 

Jeno hums, uninterested, his gaze lost in the way the blue liquid from the cleaning product spirals inside the bubbly bucket. Blue. Dammit. 

"Guess he won't be coming back now, huh?", Jisung goes on, changing the angle of his arm since the stain won't go away. "At least it was a good distraction." 

"Is that why you were so sulky today?", Jeno asks teasingly, trying to forget his own sulkiness. He looks up at Jisung and almost flinches when he sees his glare. 

"You're one to talk, STB. Is your boyfriend ignoring your messages?" 

Jeno frowns at him, and he looks down at the bucket before sticking the mop in the water angrily. 

Jisung, on the other hand, stops with his own cleaning, "Oh shit, he is, isn't he?" 

"I told you he's not my boyfriend." 

Jeno’s face grimaces as he tries focusing on the white tiles of the floor. So much for trying to forget about the guy. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you", Jisung says, fumbling with the dirty cloth in his hands. "You're right. I have been sulky." 

"It's fine." Jeno finally finishes with the floors and leaves the mop against the wall with a sigh, "I'm used to your dry humor by now." 

Jisung scoffs in surprise, "Wow, you're really stepping out of your naivety shell." 

"I was never _naive_ , it's called being nice. Being from a small town doesn't make me stupid, you know." 

"I know." 

Jisung looks surprised by Jeno's sudden bluntness, and Jeno is as well, in truth. Maybe he was getting some of that city snark into himself, after all. Or maybe he was fed up with feeling hopeless about almost every aspect of his life. 

"I'm just sick of school, that's all", Jisung says with a shrug, going back to the stubborn stain on the table, "Shouldn't have taken it out on you or those slow-ass customers." 

"It's your tips, not mine." 

Jisung hums silently. 

"So, what about school?", Jeno asks, leaning against the wall. 

Jisung looks up at him and raises an eyebrow, "Huh?" 

"Why are you sick of it? Is someone giving you a hard time?" 

"You're gonna fight someone for me, STB?", Jisung says mockingly. Then he shakes his head, "It's nothing like that. Just my inability to finish it." 

"Well, you're a smart guy. I'm sure you'll do it." 

Jisung nods silently, his head down towards the dirty cloth. "In some situations being smart isn't enough. But thanks anyway." 

Jeno stays silent as he watches Jisung, still rubbing the cloth against the table. They never really talked about their lives, so Jeno wasn’t sure what he meant by that. And he wasn’t going to pry, but maybe there was a reason behind his sourness. Even though he had school early in the morning he still worked the night shift, and he never missed a day or was late for work. He wondered what his life was like, although there wasn’t much he could do if there was something troubling him. 

After watching him battle against the stain for a whole other minute, Jeno approaches and pats him on the back. "It's a lost cause, let's just go home." 

Jisung sighs, "Until you said it." 

The finish accommodating the tables and turning the lights off, and when they finally step outside the place is left shiny and ready to get messy all over again. Jeno fumbles with the keys until he finds the one to the front door, and he closes it with Jisung by his side, shy raindrops falling on them and promising for more to come as the night progresses. 

"Uh, STB", Jisung says quietly, bumping his elbow against him. Jeno looks up and follows his gaze. 

It takes him a moment to recognize him without his indistinguishable blue hair, but there he is. Jaemin is standing just a few meters away from them, taking cover from the rain under the balcony of the building next door, his hands stuffed in the pockets of an awfully worn jean jacket. He looks up at Jeno just as this one finishes locking the door, and Jeno feels his stomach do an unpleasant flip. 

"Alright, I'm gonna go", Jisung says, already turning the other way. He gives him an almost reassuring look. "Good luck." 

Jeno nods and Jisung walks away. Then he pretends to be busy with the keys or whatever, just so he can have a moment to calm himself before he approaches Jaemin. 

He doesn't look up again until he's just a meter away from him. 

"Hey", Jaemin says, taking his hands from his pockets just to stuff them inside right after. He's wearing a thin sweater underneath, but the jean jacket isn't big enough to close. He's not even wearing a scarf, for God's sake. 

"You'll get sick", Jeno says, "It's not jean jacket season." 

Jaemin looks down at the jacket with a pout, "But it's nice." 

Jeno shuffles on his feet, hearing the damp leaves on the floor make squishy, odd sounds. He hates the rain. It always makes everything worse. 

"What are you doing out here? You should've come inside." 

"I didn't want to bother you, you were working." Jaemin looks up at him again. His hair is almost white now, no trace of the vibrant blue that once made him stand out so much. But truth be told, Jaemin would stand out to Jeno anywhere, even in a sea of white-haired strangers. He looks concerned, which makes Jeno shift on his feet again. "I'm sorry for disappearing. My phone died and I had a surprise visit from my brother and also some family stuff. Not in that specific order." 

Jeno feels himself relax a bit. Jaemin wasn't mad at him. 

"It's okay." Jeno imitates Jaemin and hides his hands in his pockets too. It sure helps with his nerves, "Is everything alright? With your family?" 

"Oh, yeah. Yeah, swell!", Jaemin laughs shortly, and Jeno thinks he's known him for just enough time to notice something's off. But Jaemin doesn't acknowledge this. "How was the show?" 

Jeno is confused by the question, until he remembers the dance presentation. "Oh, it was cool. Taeyong is awesome." 

"I'm sorry I didn't go." 

"It's okay." 

"No but really, I wanted to. I was going to but then my brother—", he lets out an exasperated sigh, looking down at his feet. He's wearing some black converse with little flowers drawn on the white part. It does something to Jeno's heart. "My brother is an asshole, basically." 

"Is he the one who would rather lose an arm before letting you stay at his place?" 

"Just the one." He's still looking at his feet, playing with a pebble, "Anyway, I didn't want you to think I was ignoring you or anything. I mean, maybe you didn't even text during those days. But, just in case." 

Jeno feels a sting in his chest. He hadn't texted. He was so consumed by the idea that Jaemin was mad at him that he didn't even think of texting first. Maybe it was better that he didn't, because to think Jaemin was ignoring his texts would've been far worse. 

"I found your picture", Jeno says. He looks away when Jaemin meets his gaze, "It's very pretty, thank you." 

"Isn't it? You two looked so nice under the night sky, I just had to. Sorry if the quality is a bit wack, I took it with my phone, rest in peace." 

Jeno can't help but smile a bit, "The quality is just fine. I hadn't even noticed." 

"Oh, good", Jaemin mirrors his smile, and Jeno suddenly feels like a plant getting sunlight after being deprived of it for a month. "Oh, check out the phone Injunnie gave me", he says excitedly as he reaches inside his jacket, "One of his old phones. It's even better than my last one, rest in peace. The camera is amazing, the lens—" 

He stops mid sentence, looking up from the phone with an awkward laugh, "Sorry, got a bit excited." 

Jeno smiles, "It's okay, you can geek all you want about your new lens. Even if I don't get it." 

The look in Jaemin's eyes is too much for Jeno to handle, so he focuses on the phone instead. He doesn't know much about phones, but it looks expensive. Jaemin has already decorated the phone case with some bizzare stickers. 

"Can I get your number again?", Jaemin asks. Jeno nods and Jaemin passes him the phone, and as Jeno types his number he tries not to look at the heart emoji Jaemin has put next to his name. God, why was he like this? Why did he have to make it so hard? 

Jeno clears his throat as he hands the phone back to Jaemin, glancing at the time on the screen. “I should really get going, the last train is about to leave.” 

“Oh, right, sure”, Jaemin pockets his phone quickly and his hands go back to hide inside his pockets. He’s so clearly freezing but he still has a smile plastered on his face. 

“What about you? Are you far from work?” 

“No, no, just a few blocks”, Jaemin waves it off, and Jeno doesn’t buy it, for some reason. He had also said it was close to Jungwoo’s apartment, which wasn’t close to the 127 at all. 

After a short hesitation, Jeno takes off his scarf and gives it to him. “Nice or not, that jacket won’t protect you from a cold.” 

Jaemin looks at Jeno’s scarf as if he was looking at the manifestation of Goodness. He takes it and wraps it around his neck with a smile, and just with that Renjun’s words echo inside Jeno’s mind again. 

“You can keep it. Consider it a goodbye gift”, he hears himself saying, his words flowing out of him too fast for him to stop them. “I’m going back home this weekend.” 

Jaemin’s smile wipes from his face just as fast as it had appeared, and Jeno wants to punch himself in the stomach. But he knows this is the right thing to do. It’s better if Jaemin thought he was no longer in the city. Of course it was the right thing to do. 

“Oh”, Jaemin says, his eyebrows furrowed in disappointment. Jeno wants to punch himself in the stomach again. “That’s… that’s a shame.” 

Jeno looks away, at the empty sidewalk and the yellow lights of the lampposts and cars scattered in the shiny and humid streets. “Yeah. Anyway—” 

“Can I walk you to the station?” 

Jeno stops mid-sentence. He looks at him again, the hopeful glint in Jaemin's eyes making Jeno want nothing more than to get lost in them. “No, you’ll be late for work.” 

“I don’t care.” 

“Jaemin—” 

“Please.” 

Jeno bites his lip, his nerves feeling like they might jump from his body any second, and looks away. 

“Why do you have to make it so difficult?”, he stresses, growing anxious and guilty and everything he doesn’t want to feel but he’s so terribly feeling. 

“Make what so difficult?” 

“Just— you and the way you talk and your Calvin Klein hair—” 

“Yves.” 

Jeno turns to him again. He opens his mouth to speak but lets out an exasperated sound instead. “Whatever, look, I have to go. And you have to go, so…” 

“What about my Calvin Klein hair?” 

Jaemin won't take his eyes off him, warm and hopeful and making Jeno's chest tighten. 

“What?” 

Jaemin takes a step towards him, slowly. “I just want to know, since I won’t see you again. What about it?” 

Jeno feels some kind of nervousness rise inside his stomach, an army of rabid bees buzzing with Jaemin's closeness. “You know what about it.” 

“I want to hear it”, he insists. His eyes flicker to Jeno's lips for just a moment, as if by looking at them he could take out the words he wants to hear, but Jeno feels himself growing breathless instead. “As your goodbye gift.” 

“I already gave you my scarf.” 

“It’s not enough.” 

Jeno bites his lip, a thousand voices yelling in his head and filling him with worry and doubt. But he's so sick of it. So, so sick of it. 

“I love your Calvin Klein hair”, he says quietly, ignoring the voices and feeling the tingling sensation in his stomach grow. “All I can think of is your stupid Calvin Klein hair.” 

Jaemin smiles, just a breath away from him, and Jeno knows it's over for him. “You think it’s stupid?” 

Jeno nods, his eyes already on Jaemin’s lips. “Terribly stupid.” 

He lets go, and his lips crash against Jaemin’s just as this one finishes closing the distance between them. Jeno grabs onto Jaemin’s worn jacket, all the weight he’d been feeling those past few weeks evaporating and leaving him with pure liberation as Jaemin raises his hands to Jeno’s neck to draw him closer. 

Jeno lets out a short breath when Jaemin starts kissing him more intently, trapping Jeno’s bottom lip before opening his mouth, and the damp leaves complain under their feet as they lean instinctively against the wall, Jaemin grabbing Jeno so desperately it surprises him for a moment. But just for a moment, because right after Jeno is grabbing onto him too, finding his warm waist under his jacket and kissing him back. His mind goes blank, his senses filled with Jaemin's touch and his warmth and the way he curls his hands around his hair. 

He feels Jaemin’s teeth against his lips as he lets out a small laugh, and Jeno leans back just enough to see him smiling, “What?” 

“You smell like pizza.” 

That makes him want to punch him so bad, so he kisses him again. God, he doesn’t want to stop. Ever. 

Eventually, they do. Jeno doesn’t know how long they’ve been like that, it could be four a.m. for all he knew. Oh, fuck. 

“Now, that was a goodbye gift”, Jaemin says, his hands still linked behind Jeno’s neck. Jeno feels like he might explode any second. 

“No, I hate you, how could I say goodbye now?”, Jeno complains, getting high just by the feeling of Jaemin’s forehead against his. 

“Like this”, Jaemin says, leaning in again for another kiss and oh God, Jeno is so, so screwed. 

After another metaphorical four hours Jeno leans back again, placing his palms against Jaemin’s chest. “No, stop. You’re gonna be late.” 

Jaemin complains but he knows Jeno’s right, so eventually he lets go of him. Jaemin bites his own lip as his hands close on Jeno’s scarf, still around his neck. “Okay. But I won’t say goodbye, I’ll say something else. I’ll say see you around.” 

“Jaemin—” 

“See you around, Jeno”, Jaemin insists, “It was nice seeing you. Not just today.” 

Jeno lets out a resigned laugh. “It was nice seeing you, too. More than nice”, and after a pause, he adds, “See you around.” 

Jaemin gives him a wide smile, satisfied with his accomplishment. He gives Jeno one last short kiss that will keep Jeno in a dream-like state for weeks before walking in the other direction, looking back at him every two steps just so he can wave at him once more or throw him another kiss. It’s so ridiculously dramatic Jeno can’t help but laugh. But he loves it. Of course, he loves it. 

Jeno keeps watching Jaemin until this one disappears around a corner, and even then his gaze lingers. That was probably the last time he was going to see Jaemin. 

Even if he wasn’t going home that weekend, which he wasn’t, seeing him again after what had just happened would completely devastate Jeno. But, still, he doesn’t feel bad about it. He doesn’t regret it. Cause even if he wasn’t gonna see him again, he had the chance to feel Jaemin’s lips against his, at least once. And that was all worth it. 

The walk to the station has got to be the most joyful walk he’s ever experienced, not even ruined by the shy rain that slowly starts to gain power or the angry car horns of the tired city residents. It only gets ruined, ever so slightly, when he reaches the station and finds a big chain holding its doors locked. And just a bit more when he takes out his phone to find more than twenty missed calls from both Doyoung and Taeyong, plus a waterfall of text messages. He’s about to curse, when his gaze falls on one particular text among the angry ones. A simple, yet enough to make Jeno’s chest flutter, kissing emoji.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imgine if i finished it there lol THEY FINALLY KISSED OH MY GOD. i'm never writing slow burn again oh my.
> 
> hello my lovelies thank you for reading i love you so much for doing so ♡♡♡♡ !!!! i hope you liked this chapter and that you're looking forward for the last one !! in this chapter i added a little reference to a fic that i like very much. i'm not gonna mention the fic or the author because i'm shy but if you got the reference kudos for you
> 
> have a nice week! ♡
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/cryojun)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/hamleting_)  
> [moodboard](https://www.pinterest.com.au/hamleting/go/)


	8. Chapter 8

Wow, kissing someone really changes you. Jeno had almost forgotten the redeeming qualities of some good old smooching. Everything seemed to be wonderful now. The five flights of stairs he always had to take because the elevator never worked? Amazing. The grumpy people who bumped into him as they got off the subway? Fantastic! How incredibly wonderful life was, truly. Of course, there was still the nagging little voice in his head that yelled, _what the hell are you gonna do with your life once the year is over???_ , but Jeno could brush it off for now. He still had time. Three weeks, to be exact.

The city had gotten colder way too fast. Doyoung had warned him about the snow, which they didn't have back home, and it hadn't started snowing yet but Jeno was already anticipating it with excitement. What a better way to ignore your existential crisis than being able to see snow for the first time? Well, that would be kissing Jaemin again, but he couldn't do that, so the snow would have to do.

Texting Jaemin was also a great distraction. Maybe too distracting. Maybe it drained his phone battery so much he had to ask Jisung for his charger, once or twice. But who could blame him? Life was incredibly boring now that he wasn't waiting for the next meeting with the guy. He was often tempted to tell Jaemin that he was actually staying in the city for a couple more weeks. He didn't, though. It would be way harder saying goodbye to him for a second time, and he didn't want to complicate things.

When had his life become so Jaemin-centered, anyway? Wasn't Jeno supposed to be a person of his own, or whatever? Why was he always thinking about some guy? Even if that guy had pretty hair and a pretty smile…

In the end, it was the whole Whiskers situation that saved him from drowning in the blue ocean of Jaemin's hair. After finally being able to contact Jungwoo, Jeno had offered to help him with anything concerning the kitten, from taking care of her to finding a family for her since, as it turned out, she was a stray. So now Jeno is at his apartment, watching Jungwoo as he takes Whiskers out of her cage.

"At least he could have made up a more interesting name", Jungwoo says after Jeno tells him about Chenle, "Now she's stuck with it for the rest of her life."

"It's grown on me, though. Besides, her new owner can call her whatever they want."

Jungwoo hums as he caresses her little head with a finger. The provisory cast he had made for her is almost torn to shreds now, the pink dinosaur tape scratched and dirty. From an open door across the living room Jeno can see a dark room being randomly lit by flashes of light, a small figure slouched in front of a rather big monitor. Said figure turns to look at them for less than a millisecond before looking straight at the computer again.

"Don't you dare distract me, I'm busy!", the guy yells over the sound of his keyboard being smashed with no mercy.

"I wasn't planning to!", Jungwoo replies as he guides Jeno towards the room with the medical supplies.

"Your roommate hasn't moved out yet?"

"Ahh, he did, that's my other roommate", he says as he lays Whiskers on the little table. "But we still haven't found a new one for the spare room."

"Sorry for burdening you with this, I'd take her to Doyoung's apartment but we recently found out that animals aren't allowed."

"Oh, don't worry about it. We don't mind having her here." Jeno stands by his side as Jungwoo grabs some scissors and cuts the cast open, holding Whiskers whenever she starts to complain. "You watched me do it last time, do you want to try?"

“Oh, okay."

Jeno rolls up his sleeves and gets to it, way less nervous than the first time since he's already seen Jungwoo do it before and he doesn't have Jaemin to distract him. Damn, he was still thinking about Jaemin. He really should focus on not breaking Whiskers' leg.

By his side, Jungwoo makes approving sounds after every action he makes, giving small indications whenever it's necessary. But for the most part, apparently Jeno remembered more about leg-bandaging than he'd thought, and by the time he gets to the final bandage — the pink one with the dinosaurs — he's smiling, happy to have accomplished... something. On his own. Who's thinking about Jaemin now, huh? Excellent, Jeno really was starting to be his own person.

"You traitor!", someone yells from the door, completely running over his thoughts. Jeno flinches and turns to find Jungwoo's roommate, a scrawny guy with some big headphones hanging from his neck, who's looking at Jungwoo with an offended expression. "You told me _I_ was gonna make her cast!"

Jeno shrinks in embarrassment and looks at Jungwoo.

"I thought you were busy defending your village", this one says without a trace of remorse.

"It's not a village, it's a nexus." The guy's eyes flicker to the cat and then to Jeno, "I'm Yangyang, who are you?"

"Uh, Jeno."

"Why do you let _Jeno_ assist you in your healing magic and not me?", he shoots at Jungwoo.

"You have crazy energy, it scares her."

"Hmm, sounds like bull."

Jungwoo ignores him and turns to Jeno, "You did well."

"Thanks." Jeno looks down at Whiskers and picks her up. "How long does she have to stay like this?"

"A few more weeks should be enough."

"Are you the one who gave her that super boring name?", Yangyang asks Jeno as he leans against the door frame. "Just so you know, I have re-named her."

" _Pussytronix_ is not an honorable name for a cat", Jungwoo says.

"It's better than the other one."

Before Jeno can get to answer his question, a loud noise comes from the computer room and Yangyang disappears, muttering a curse. Jeno turns to Jungwoo, Whiskers still on his arms.

"Sorry about that", Jungwoo says. "He's a bit enthusiastic."

Jeno looks down at Whiskers again, "I wish Doyoung could keep her, I'm gonna miss her. My mom is allergic so we can't have animals in the house either."

"You can always visit the shelter, if you want. Even to play with them for a while."

"You can do that?"

"Sure, you should go sometime."

When they go back to the living room the bell rings, and Jungwoo goes to answer as Jeno puts Whiskers back in her cage. A moment later he comes back, looking confused. “Did you tell anyone about Whiskers? There’s a kid downstairs saying you gave my address to him.”

“A kid? Wait, did they tell you their name?”

That’s how a few minutes later Chenle enters the apartment, looking fairly casual until he sees Jeno standing by Whiskers’ cage. “Oh”, he says. “Hey.”

“What are you doing here? I thought she wasn’t your cat after all.”

“She wasn't! Ah…”, he turns to Jungwoo and laughs sheepishly. “I thought maybe I could adopt her?”

“No, no way!”, Jeno says, “You'll neglect her!”

“I won't, really! I mean I felt kind of bad because… nevermind, the thing is, I literally created her! With my _mind_. I willed her into existence!” He looks behind Jeno, where the kitten is curled over her pillow. “Ohh, is that her?”

Chenle goes to the cage and crouches next to it, sticking his face to the door and tapping it gently. Jeno winces and looks at Jungwoo. “Do you approve of this?”

Jungwoo shrugs. “He looks sane enough.”

“ _HA! SUCK ON THAT YOU TROLL FUCKER_ ”, they hear Yangyang yell from his bedroom.

Jungwoo gives Jeno a look and nods towards Chenle. “It’s either him or Yangyang. He told me he was growing attached.”

Jeno turns to Chenle and sighs. Whiskers had gone towards the cage door to greet him, and now Chenle is sticking a finger through the bars and petting her head with a little smile. “Alright, I guess.”

“I’ll take good care of her, I promise”, Chenle says. "I only pretended to be a bad owner!"

"Just promise you won't change her name to _Pussytronix_."

Chenle laughs, "That's so random, maybe I'll—" He stops mid-sentence when he sees Jeno's grimace. "Nevermind."

The next few weeks are kind of eventful, so to speak. It all began with Jeno starting to freak out. With just three weeks ahead of him until the end of the year and his return home, the anxiety of knowing that after that period of time he'd have to come up with a plan for his next year had started to eat him alive from the inside. It wasn't just the gloomy shadow he used to feel behind him. It was a chaotic whirlwind of voices yelling at him from the moment he woke up till he went to bed. That's why during the long hours he didn't spend working, the voices had a free pass to yell at him without distractions. Basically, Jeno started procrastinating getting his shit together. And in order to do that, he had to find something to keep himself busy. And that thing ended up being going almost every day to the animal shelter, like Jungwoo has suggested.

It was a strange experience visiting the shelter, one that Jeno was sure he hadn't lived before. He didn't know he was able to feel so endeared and heart broken at the same time. There were so many pets, so many. Rows and rows of dogs in cages, rooms filled with cats in more cages, rooms for the injured, for the diseased, for the feral, for the newborns, for the elderly. Jeno always knew this was a common thing. He always knew a lot of pets ended up in places like this, waiting to find a proper home. But seeing it in person was a whole other story.

The first day Jeno went to visit one of the workers told him everything they had to do for the pets, from healing them, applying vaccines, cleaning the cages, feeding them, showering them. How volunteers came around every once in a while to play with them, to help shower them, to take the dogs outside, and how it was never enough. Even if they wanted to give each animal the attention they needed, there were so many of them, and people kept bringing in more. He kept thinking about Whiskers and how scared she had been when they found her, and how there surely were a million other animals like her, abandoned or injured or lost. He felt so powerless about it. Maybe he started going to the shelter to avoid thinking about his future, but what made him want to keep going was that every time he left, he felt like it wasn't enough. It started to bother him in an odd, unfamiliar way.

When he mentioned this to Jungwoo, one day they both were at the shelter, he had given Jeno an understanding look. "Why do you think I want to be a vet?", he had said. And, yeah, Jeno could see why. Even if Jeno hadn't really done much when taking care of Whiskers, seeing her getting better and healthier after having witnessed her being so weak back at the alley filled him with a warm feeling, just for being able to help such an innocent creature who otherwise would have suffered who knows how much.

And for some reason even more animals kept becoming part of his life, cause one day he gets to the apartment to find Doyoung swearing under his breath, his hands busy with some funky stuff that's scattered all over the dining table and a big fish tank in the middle of the mess. He's so absorbed in whatever he's doing that he doesn't even notice Jeno is standing right next to him. "What are you doing?"

Doyoung's jump is so exaggerated it almost looks fake, "Stop sneaking up on me like that!"

"Is that a fish tank?"

"It _would_ be if the instructions for this thing were a bit more clear." Doyoung frowns at the plastic bags scattered over the table with an exasperated sigh. "I thought a big glass cage and some water would be enough."

"I thought animals weren't allowed in the complex."

"They aren't, but fish should be fine. Taeyongie—", he interrupts himself and clears his throat, "Taeyong was upset because he wanted to adopt a cat next year, so I figured this would suffice."

"Didn't you say fish were the devil's pet or something?"

"I still believe that, strongly."

Jeno hums. "That's considerate."

"Whatever. Will you help me? There are so many bags, I'm losing my mind."

They spend about thirty minutes trying to make sense of the little manual that came with the fishtank, only achieving to fill the thing with soil and sticking some plants, or algae, or something, in it. Just as they’re about to look for youtube tutorials Doyoung's head perks up, his eyes wide and fearful as he looks towards the door.

“ _No_ ”, he whispers. “No, no, no, no!”

He bolts towards his room before Jeno can even ask what’s going on. Just as he's coming back with a blanket on his hands Jeno hears the front door opening, and Doyoung manages to throw the blanket over the table one second before Taeyong steps in.

“Honeys, I'm home!”, he says cheerfully as he drops his things over the couch. When he notices none of them answers he turns to them, his eyebrows furrowed as he considers the situation. Jeno doesn’t really know what to do, so he just stays there. In his peripheral vision he gets to see the blanket slowly sliding off. Doyoung lets out a nervous laugh. "Oh, I see what's going on”, Taeyong says with a grimace. “What did you break?"

"Nothing!", they say at the same time just as the blanket slides and falls to the floor, revealing the fishtank extravaganza. Doyoung panics and opens his arms in a poor attempt to hide it from Taeyong, but this one is already walking towards the table with curiosity.

"Is that a fish tank?"

"You weren't supposed to find out until it was done!", Doyoung says miserably, dropping his arms to his sides. Taeyong looks at him and raises an eyebrow. "You said you wanted a pet."

Taeyong stays silent for a moment, as if trying to process this new information. "You bought this for me?" Doyoung shrugs, looking away. "You hate fish. You said fish were the devil's pet."

"Can't have you moping around the apartment either." Doyoung looks at the equipment scattered on the table and frowns, "Fucking instructions were good for nothing. I thought I was gonna have it all set up by the time you—"

Doyoung interrupts himself as Taeyong approaches him, wrapping his arms around him in a quick hug. Doyoung reacts a second too late, looking rather stunned as he hugs him back.

"Thank you", Taeyong says before stepping back quickly. Then he seems to remember Jeno is there too and turns towards him.

"Oh, I didn't have anything to do with it", Jeno says, "It was his idea."

Taeyong smiles and turns back to Doyoung, who remained frozen and speechless, before grabbing one of the bags and inspecting it. "You're lucky I've watched a ton of videos of people building fish tanks."

Doyoung shakes his head a bit, returning to his senses. "Of course you have."

As Taeyong contemplates the equipment in fascination Jeno grabs one of the bags and reads the tag. Then he taps Doyoung's arm to get his attention, "I think you have to mix this with the soil or something."

Doyoung turns to him absent mindedly, like he didn't even hear what he said. He looks at the bag Jeno has on his hands for a moment before taking it from him and putting his hand on Jeno's back, walking him towards the corridor. "Ah, Jeno, you haven't talked to mom in a while, why don't you call her?", he says rather loudly.

Jeno furrows his eyebrows as he lets himself be carried towards their room, "I already called her this morning."

" _You can have my laptop for a few hours_ ", Doyoung says in a low voice, leaning towards him, " _Go crazy._ "

"Huh? But I want to help—"

"Have fun!", Doyoung says before shoving him into their room and closing the door. Jeno suspects he hears him locking it too, but it probably was his imagination. Either way, he'd rather not test his brother's rage so he just shrugs it off and throws himself over his bed.

Although tempting, instead of using Doyoung's laptop Jeno decides to do something very unexpected of him. That is, opening his chat with Jaemin. Jeno doesn't know how long they text, but it's already dark when he looks up from his phone again.

About two weeks before New Year Jaemin disappears again. It's only notorious for the fact that they'd been texting nearly every day, but Jeno supposes it's because he's busy with exams, so he doesn't worry about it too much. It also starts snowing. Even if it doesn’t snow a lot the streets are layered in a thin white carpet, it clings to the bare tree branches and to the top of the cars, and being the first Jeno has seen in his life it's enough to keep him in a good mood. He kind of wishes he could stay longer.

He also starts to get a bit emotional about leaving the 127. Sure, it was a monotonous, boring job, but it was his job. His first experience working in the city, or whatever. He's not even friends with Jisung but he thinks he's going to miss him, too. Not that he's gonna tell him. Especially when Chenle comes back, as the official son of the owner this time, to make a special delivery concerning the Christmas decorations for the place.

"There's no way in the seventh circle of _hell_ I'm wearing that." Jisung's grim is so severe it's beyond salvation, borderline horrified, as he looks at the pair of reindeer headbands Chenle is handing to them. Jeno thinks they're kind of cute.

"I'm the boss, pizza boy", Chenle says with a shrug, "Jeno's already wearing them, I may give him a raise."

"You take those _off_ , STB. And you're not the boss."

"Close enough. Anyway, I'm gonna know if you don't wear them cause I'll be, uh, supervising the next month."

"Supervising?"

"Starting today, yeah, so, uh. I should get to it."

Chenle retrieves to the back without further comment, and a few minutes later Jeno finds him in the restroom, mop in hand. Chenle has the audacity to pretend he was bored instead of admitting he was following some punishment for causing problems with the 127 pizza boys.

"You're really gonna leave me with him for a month", Jisung tells him afterwards. He's looking at the headband in his hands with sorrowful eyes.

"I'm still staying for two more weeks", Jeno says. "I thought you'd said he was a good distraction, though."

Jisung's face is solemn as he puts on the reindeer headband. "And that is a secret you'll carry to your grave."

When Jeno leaves the 127 that night the cold is so thorough he practically runs to the station, and later from the station to the apartment. Or maybe it isn't that cold, maybe it's just that he's not used to it. Even if it is the lightest snow.

It's one of those rare nights where both Doyoung and Taeyong aren't home, so Jeno has the apartment for himself. Which means he'll probably make himself a rather shitty dinner, probably (highly probable) just some cereal, and steal Doyoung's laptop.

Jeno's already half asleep on the couch, empty cereal box by his side and in the middle of watching an hour-long youtube video explaining why _Ratatouille_ is the best Pixar movie when Jaemin returns from the grave and texts him.

_hey_

_you up?_

It's the simplicity of the texts that makes Jeno pause the youtube video and straighten up on the couch. No emojis, no exclamation marks. Strange behaviour for someone like Na Jaemin.

**yeah, why?**

Jeno spends the following minute watching the three little dots on Jaemin's chat bounce and disappear, bounce and disappear. He doesn't rush him, though. He waits, sitting in the dark of the silent apartment with the white light of the screen bathing his worried face.

_can i call you?_

Jeno doesn't answer, he just calls. He only half realizes he hasn't heard Jaemin's voice in a very long time before he answers. " _Jeno?_ "

Just hearing him say his name makes Jeno's stomach buzz. "No. Actually, you've been texting a fast food delivery this whole time." Jaemin's laugh is barely a breath, barely there. "You okay?"

" _Yeah, I, um. I'm sorry to bother you, it's just that Renjun is busy with school stuff and I don't want to bother him and I didn't know who else to call—_ "

"Hey, hey, it's okay." There's something in Jaemin's voice, an uncertainty Jeno hadn't heard in it before. It makes him uneasy. "What is it?"

" _I, uh... do you like my work? Do you think it's any good?_ "

"Of course I do, it's amazing."

Jaemin stays silent for a while. Then he sighs. “ _I’ve been failing my classes._ ”

"Oh.”

“ _I didn’t want you to know but I really don’t know who else to call._ ”

“Hey, it’s okay. Why didn’t you want me to know?”

“ _I don’t know… I didn’t want you to think less of me because of that._ ”

“I would never do that, ever.” Jeno kind of wishes he could hug him right now, so he hugs a pillow instead. "Don't worry about it, you still have next semester to make up for it, right?”

" _I know, but… what if I'm not good enough?_ "

"Don't say that, you are good enough. More than enough."

Jeno sits against the couch as he waits for Jaemin to reply, hearing the faint sounds of midnight traffic in the distance and watching the gentle snow through the window. “ _Last year, when I didn't get in the academy… my parents never found out about that. They thought I got in because I moved here anyway._ ”

“Oh. Why didn’t you tell them?”

" _I just— I didn't want to give them a reason to prove me wrong. They never took me seriously when I said I wanted to go to film school. Said I was wasting my time. And they never found out about it until my stupid brother did, heaven knows how, and after entering unwelcomed into my house and criticizing every last aspect of my, quote unquote, mediocre situation, he just had to tell them. They were pissed, they don't even want me to come over for Christmas._ "

Jeno stays quiet, not knowing what to say. That’s why Jaemin was acting so weird when he asked him about his family all those weeks ago. “I’m sorry”, he says at last. “I'm sure they said it in the heat of the moment, maybe they need a few days to calm down.”

“ _I don't know... What if they were right, though? What if I never make it and I'm stuck working at a gas station for the rest of my life?_ "

"That's not gonna happen.”

“ _I try so hard to make something remarkable, and it just feels like it’s never enough. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I really try._ ”

“I know you do. Jaemin, the things you do, the pictures you take... I've never seen stuff like that before. I mean, you are an artist! That's not a thing someone can put a grade on."

He hears Jaemin sigh, tired. " _You're so nice. If only I could live in the same world as you_." His voice carries such sadness that Jeno's heart shrinks. What did he mean, if only? He didn't want to live in any world if Jaemin wasn't in it. " _You're so lucky, too_ ", Jaemin goes on, " _Your parents love you so much. Your brother, letting you stay at his place and all. And the way you get so excited about everything, even the smallest things. I wish I could be like that._ "

"What are you talking about? You're the most enthusiastic person I know." Jaemin stays silent for a while, the only sound in the dark, silent night being the phone static whispering against Jeno's ear. The silence keeps on going, and Jeno starts to worry. "Jaemin?"

" _You know, if you look straight at the snowy sky, it looks like the stars are raining on you._ "

Jeno furrows his eyebrows, "Where are you?"

" _Renjun's rooftop._ "

"What? Jaemin, go back inside! You'll freeze to death!"

" _I'm okay!_ " Jaemin laughs, " _See what I mean? You're so nice._ "

"No, really, go back inside! Or I'll call Renjun right this second and tell him to drag you back in."

" _You don't even have his number._ "

"Okay, then I, uh— I'll call the cops!"

" _Alright, alright, I'll go back in, if that will make you sleep better._ "

"It will", Jeno says, and he's not lying. "I wanna hear you get on the elevator."

" _Okay._ " He hears some muffled sounds as Jaemin gets up from the ground. After a few seconds he hears a little _ding!_ " _You heard that?_ "

"Keep on talking, until you're on Renjun's floor. I wanna hear the robot say the number."

" _You're all in, aren't you?_ " Jaemin hums, " _It's gonna take a while— twenty-six floors, to be exact._ "

"Okay, tell me a twenty-six-floors-long story, then."

" _Alright. Hmm... how about a confession?_ "

Jeno's heart skips a beat, and he shifts on the couch nervously, "That could work, too."

" _I actually saw you that day, when you found my flyer. I was going to my montage class when I saw you and some other guy standing by the notices column, checking out my flyer_ "

"Oh. Don't know how I could miss a blue-haired guy like you."

" _That's cause I ran away right after. The thing is, I kind of freaked out cause no one had ever grabbed one of my flyers before and, I don't know, I didn't want you to think I was just another boring film student. I had to think of something cool for my project—_ "

"Wait, are you saying you came up with the fireworks thing to... impress me?"

" _Well, when you put it that way..._ "

"Wow. That's really, uh… oh my god, you totally suck at making a good first impression."

" _I didn't want to make a good impression! I just wanted an impression!_ "

"What was the other thing you had in mind? Your flyer said _unprejudiced and open to new experiences_ — questionable choice of words, by the way."

" _Oh, I just put that in to generate intrigue. It's all about the marketing._ "

Jeno raises his eyebrows and laughs, "Of course. You never fail to surprise me."

" _See? Who needs a good impression when you can traumatize someone with a little gunpowder._ "

"That's… not a great choice of words, but, sure."

Soon he hears the voice say _floor twenty-one._

" _Here we are_ ", Jaemin says, " _Are we good, officer?_ "

"Yes." Jeno hesitates, not really knowing what to say next. "I trust Renjun will make you some tea since you're probably covered in snow. You can drink some while you chill by his super expensive fake fireplace."

Jaemin laughs, " _Alright_."

"And, Jaemin... you can talk to me, okay? Whenever you need to. If you want."

" _Yeah, I know._ " There's a beat of silence, and for a moment Jeno thinks Jaemin hung up, until he speaks again, " _Thank you, Jeno._ "

Jeno feels his heart make a three-sixty flip inside his chest before being able to say anything. "Any time. Take care."

Making decisions is scary. It will always be scary, no matter what people tell you. What you can do, though, is pretend that it isn't. Pretend that you're not making a decision that's gonna alter your whole reality. Because sometimes it only _seems_ like a decision is going to be definitive, irredeemably set in stone, forever, final. But, actually, what you're doing is trying a path. Just trying, to see what happens. You can always go back, you can always change your mind. It doesn't mean you're wasting your time. It means you learnt something you didn't know about yourself.

It took Jeno a long time to realize that. A long time, and a few breakdowns in the middle of the day, and long talks with his brother, who Jeno so wrongly thought had it all figured out when in reality he was as clueless as everyone else... but choosing, and trying things, and deciding, even if he was scared, sometimes. His brother learned to live with the looming shadow looking over his shoulder, he didn't let it take over him. And it had taken time, but with each tiny decision, with each step towards the uncertain future, the shadow had started to lose strength. Or at least that's what Doyoung had told him.

So, in the end, it's just that. A tiny step. There's no epiphany, no miraculous answer to his questions, no grand moment of revelation. Jeno only decides to take a step, in a particular direction. And, for now, that's enough.

"You still haven't changed? We leave in half an hour!"

It's the last night of the year already, and Jeno's feeding Taeyong's fish as this one gives Doyoung an alarming look.

"Uh, I _am_ changed." In contrast to Taeyong's flamboyant zebra-print blazer Doyoung is wearing a simple navy blue sweater, the collar of a white shirt peeking from the neck.

Taeyong pouts, "You look like a professor."

"What's wrong with that? Are you saying professors are lame?"

"I did not."

"Cause that's what I've been aiming to become for the last three years."

"We're going to a party!"

"Professors party too!"

"God, you're insufferable", Jeno says with an exasperated sigh, turning to them from his place by the fish tank.

" _Thank you_ ", both of them say at the same time.

"I meant both of you", Jeno says, "You're both insufferable."

Taeyong hums and walks towards Doyoung. "I think your brother is forgetting his place", he tells him as he fixes the collar of his shirt.

Doyoung nods, "No gratitude, really. After we let him stay here for, what, five months?"

"Uh, I'm right here!", Jeno says.

"No gratitude!", Taeyong agrees with a dramatic sigh. "How sad. And to think we were gonna give him a ride to his boyfriend's place."

"He's not my boyfriend!"

"Yeah, he'll have to take the _subway_ , how dreadful."

"Fine!", Jeno says with a sigh, "You're not insufferable, you're perfectly normal. Fantastic, amazing. I am so grateful for having you both in my life."

Doyoung and Taeyong turn towards him in sync and give him the same scrutinizing look. It's kind of creepy. "How grateful?", Taeyong says.

Jeno murmurs a complaint before reaching towards his shoes and rolling up his pants just a bit, "I'm wearing the socks you gave me for Christmas."

The socks are blue, and they have little grey cats. Taeyong gives them an approving nod. "We're good to go, then."

Baekhyun picks them up not long after that, with already three people inside his car. Jeno ends up squished next to the door and Doyoung, who has Taeyong sitting on his lap since there's literally no space left. But he's too busy thinking about other stuff to notice the way Doyoung wraps his arms around Taeyong's waist and rests his forehead on his back, or how Taeyong entwines his fingers with his, or how Doyoung doesn't pick a fight with Baekhyun cause he knows he's Taeyong's best friend. Jeno doesn't notice any of this, because he's too busy thinking that he's about to see Jaemin again, after a whole month.

He remembers the first time went to his house, the day he met him. It seems like so long ago, although it’s been just a few months. As soon as they get to Jaemin’s block he gets to see a few people huddled together by the door of the building, chatting loudly and laughing. Jeno starts to feel his stomach buzzing with excitement.

"Don't drink too much", his brother tells him as Jeno gets out of the car. "But if you do, don't you dare leave that house until you sober up."

"Or give us a call and we'll pick you up", Taeyong chimes in.

"Hey, parents of the year", Baekhyun says from the front seat, "He's not a kid anymore, let him have fun."

Doyoung gives him a glare so strong it pierces through Taeyong's body and Baekhyun's seat, "Fun and safety are not inversely proportional."

"Inver- _what_ , now?"

Doyoung's glare intensifies and Taeyong whines miserably, "No, please don't fight, we were doing so well."

Jeno closes the door before he can hear any more of it, but he still gets to see the exaggerated hand gestures of his brother through the windows as they drive off. Then he turns towards the house, and he gives himself a moment before walking towards the group of people standing by the door. Donghyuck is one of them, and when he notices Jeno he raises his eyebrows in surprise.

“The movie star is here”, he says jokingly, making the other ones turn to look at Jeno with curious faces. Jeno gives them an awkward smile before turning to Donghyuck.

“Movie star?”

“Jaemin is upstairs”, is all he says as a response, nodding towards the stairs that can be seen through the open door. It’s almost pitch dark except for the colorful lights that dance against the walls, and there’s music coming from inside that makes Jeno’s chest rumble. Jeno wonders if they have a kind of agreement with the neighbors.

He walks inside and goes up the stairs, dodging a pair of people who pass rushing by his side as they talk lively. The music gets louder the more he ascends and also the temperature, so when he gets to the first floor he’s already taken off his coat.

It takes him a moment to recognize the place where he’s now standing as the living room he once saw. The furniture has been pulled to the sides to leave an open space in the middle, which is now crammed with unknown people who blend in with the multi-color lights that come from a few devices located in the corners of the room. There’s so many people Jeno can't even see the kitchen, which he remembers was just next to the livingroom and visible as soon as you entered the place.

For a moment he forgets he’s supposed to look for Jaemin, and he just stares at the mass of people as he tries to adapt to the waves of stimuli. It doesn’t last long, though, because soon after he finds Renjun standing just as awkwardly next to the agglomeration of plants that have been lined up against the back wall. Jeno feels his stomach buzz in anticipation and looks around Renjun, but Jaemin is nowhere to be seen. He approaches him nonetheless.

“Hey”, Jeno greets him over the loud music. Renjun startles and turns to him with his eyes squinted.

“Jeno? Is that you? I don’t have my glasses.”

“It’s me. You lost them?”

“Donghyuck thought it would be funny to hide them from me”, he says with a grimace. “Have you seen him?”

“He’s downstairs. Do you want me to, uh, walk you there?”

“No, thanks. I don’t want him to have any more reasons to make fun of me. I’m not _that_ blind, though.”

“Alright. Hey, you know where Jaemin is?”

“He was in the kitchen last time I saw him.”

He leaves without another word, sneering at a group of people that bump into him without even apologizing before disappearing into the crowd. Jeno grabs his coat tightly and stands on his toes to get a better look around, a nervous but not unpleasant feeling rising in his chest as he glides between the multitude of strangers dressed in extravagant clothing.

He makes it to the kitchen just as someone starts saying some stuff through a microphone, but Jeno doesn't get to hear what they're saying.

Jaemin doesn't see him at first. He's hunched over the kitchen counter with his back to him, doing what could only be described as stabbing a bag filled with something Jeno doesn't get to see due to the dim lighting. His hair is back being the vibrant blue that once was, the colorful lights dancing with the blue strands. Jeno smiles, a warm feeling spreading in his chest, and goes to him. He taps him on the shoulder and Jaemin turns around rather quickly, a knife in his hand.

"I come in peace!", Jeno says as he jumps back.

"Jeno!" Jaemin's smile truly is one of the most beautiful sights. Especially after being deprived of it for weeks. He throws the knife over the kitchen counter and wraps his arms around Jeno, squishing him so tightly Jeno is out of breath for a moment. "You came", Jaemin says into his shoulder. Jeno doesn't think he's been this happy to be the victim of a lethal hug in his whole life.

"Of course I did."

Jaemin steps back but still holds on to him for a moment, his hands on Jeno's arms, and Jeno is so exhilarated by his touch, so happy to see him again, half of him wants to jump into space and yell of happiness and half of him wants to pull him by his shirt and kiss him. He does neither, one because it is physically impossible and the other one cause, well, there's no need to rush things. Now, he has time.

"I'm glad you're back to making statements with your hair", he says instead.

"Right? Normal hair is so boring", Jaemin says with a playful eye roll, "Except yours, of course. You slay the normal hair."

"Ah, I was hoping you'd saved some of that blue dye for me."

Jaemin gives him the brightest smile. "Really?"

"No", Jeno says with a laugh. He looks behind Jaemin, towards the kitchen counter with the bag and the knife, "What were you trying to do there?"

Jaemin turns around and lets out an exasperated sound, "Some people wanted ice for their drinks, as if we're not in plain winter, but we didn't have any so Hyuckie bought this… _thing_ , and now I'm supposed to chop it or something", he turns to Jeno again and smiles, "But nevermind that. You're here!"

Jeno's eyes keep finding Jaemin's lips, but he tries his best to get a grip on himself. "Yeah", he says. "I have some news, too." Jeno takes a second before going on. This is it, this is the moment. Once he says it, it will be real. No more hesitation, no more uncertainty. Oh, boy. "I've decided something. I mean, it's not that big of a deal. Well, it kinda is. I don't know. The thing is, I've been volunteering at a shelter and I... I've decided to try and go to vet school. Here, in the city, with Jungwoo. Just to try it. It's really not that big of a deal."

Jaemin's hopeful eyes are enough to erase whatever nervousness was still clinging to Jeno, "You're staying?"

"I'm staying."

Jaemin lets out a weird, cheerful sound as he wraps Jeno in a hug again, jumping excitedly. So much hugging, Jeno really was living the dream. Jaemin lets go of him just as Renjun appears, looking at the mass of people in the living room with a miserable expression. He's still not wearing his glasses. "Injunnie!", Jaemin yells at him, making the tiny one jump, "Where’s that fancy champagne you brought?"

"I just put it in the fridge. Have you seen Donghyuck?"

"We're opening it now", Jaemin says, ignoring his question and already going towards the two fridges, "Which one?"

"Yours. Wait, no, it's still warm, we have to wait for a while."

"We're opening it now," Jaemin repeats, smiling brightly as he takes it out of the fridge anyway, "Jeno is staying! We have to celebrate!"

Renjun throws a quick glance at Jeno. "He'll still be here ten minutes from now."

"Come on Injunnie, that's no fun", Jaemin says as he starts looking for some empty glasses amongst the used ones that are scattered over the counter, "We'll just put some ice."

Renjun covers his face and lets out a frustrated sound, "You're not making me drink champagne with ice."

"Loosen up, rich boy", says a cheery voice behind them. Jeno turns to find Donghyuck smiling mockingly at Renjun. "You're gonna wrinkle your pretty face with all that frowning."

Renjun drops his hands to his sides and frowns at him all the same. " _There_ you are. Care to give me back my glasses?"

Hyuck shrugs, an innocuous look on his face. "I don't have them."

"You tried them on", Renjun says slowly, containing an anger that is nonetheless there, " _without my permission_ , may I add, before running after your loud theater friends."

"Still don't have them! You should check your pockets."

Renjun huffs at him, to which Donghyuck approaches and reaches inside the chest pocket of Renjun's shirt. Renjun freezes completely as Donghyuck takes out a pair of thin rimmed glasses with a smug smile.

"Careful, rich boy, you're gonna lose that head of yours if you don't keep it in place", he says as he slides the glasses onto Renjun's nose.

Renjun opens his mouth a few times to say something, but no sound comes out. Instead, he sneers at Donghyuck's grinning face before turning to Jaemin. "Where's the stupid ice?"

They toast with lukewarm champagne that doesn’t even compare to the one they once had on Renjun’s rooftop, but Jeno doesn’t care.

“I have an announcement too”, Jaemin tells him. He points at the tall guy by the mixing table, “Johnny offered me a job. A commission, I mean. He saw some of my videos and told me they could make cool visualizers or something like that, for the music he produces.”

“Oh, that’s great!”

Jaemin nods excitedly, “I already made the first prototype but I wanted to know if you were okay with having your face projected on that big screen over there.”

Jeno turns to where Jaemin is pointing. Indeed, there is a white screen hanging on the wall opposite to them.

“I mean, it’s not just you, it’s mainly the stop motion thing we did with Hyuckie but I added the firework pictures as well. It’s totally cool if you don’t want to, though, I edited another one without the pictures.”

Jeno looks at Renjun. “It’s okay, it’s a normal video”, he says.

“Alright, then.”

“Jeno!" Jaemin complains with a pout, "I can’t believe you don’t trust me!”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“You glanced at Renjun.”

“I _glanced_?”

“You glanced.”

“Fine, I glanced. But I really do trust you.”

Jaemin squints his eyes playfully at him and finishes his glass before going towards the mixing table. A few moments later he comes back, and they wait as Johnny sets up the projector. There's a slight glitching in the big screen hanging on the opposite wall before the video starts playing with the EDM music that was already blasting from the speakers in the background.

As expected from a creative mind such as Jaemin's, the video is quite odd. Jeno never got to see the final product of the creepy stop-motion film, so it's a bit of a surprise. The part where Hyuck almost cuts his own head repeats several times, the timing in sync with the electronic beats, changing colors and multiplying into various frames. And then Jeno appears, surrounded by the clouds of smoke and the lights of the fireworks, a procession of pictures that make it look like the smoke is actually moving, just like it had when Jeno saw it in the flip book Jaemin gave him. It doesn't really make any sense, the video. But everyone seems to like it, including Jeno, and Jaemin's smile is so big his teeth almost shine in the darkened room.

"I've made a decision", Jaemin tells him as he leans in, "I'm gonna be boring and follow my teacher's orders, and I'm gonna leave all the cool stuff for my free time."

"Finally", Renjun says. "That's what I've been telling you for the past six months."

Renjun lets out a squeal when Jaemin wraps his arms around him and gives him a kiss on the cheek. "Injunnie ace!"

"Let me go!", he complains as he scrunches his face, "Go smooch someone else."

"I just might."

 _Me! Smooch me!_ , Jeno thinks, but just as Jaemin lets go of Renjun the video ends and he goes help Johnny with something, and Donghyuck appears again and steals a confused Renjun towards the dancefloor, and Jeno is left alone in the kitchen with his cup of lukewarm champagne. He finishes it quickly and leans against the counter, watching the crowd of strangers dance under the colorful lights. Then he turns around. The bag of ice is still there, melting into the table. He grabs the knife Jaemin was using and starts breaking the ice cause, well, he doesn't really know what to do.

"Wow, you're so much better at it than me."

Jeno stops and looks up. Jaemin is leaning on the counter, a gentle smile on his face. There's a special glint in his eye, a silent expectation. "It's a matter of skill, not strength", Jeno says with a shrug, looking down at the bag. "That's what my mom always says."

"Smart lady."

Jeno looks up again. The colorful lights glide over Jaemin's face, over his shiny eyes and blue hair. They just look at each other for a moment, neither of them saying what they are both surely thinking. Jaemin shifts on his spot. "I was thinking of taking some pictures, so, I'll go fetch my camera. Wanna come?"

Jeno nods, already starting to feel that familiar buzzing in his stomach. "Sure, yeah, let's go."

They spend longer than they normally would going up the stairs, since apparently everyone thought it was a good place to sit or leave their drinks. Jeno mutters apology after apology as he stumbles upwards, holding Jaemin's hand as this one leads the way. He's not exactly mastering the fine art of walking, not when Jaemin's fingers are entwined with his.

When they finally make it to the rooftop Jeno lets out a sigh, just then realizing he's probably about to freeze to death since he left his coat downstairs. But, why the hell does that matter, anyway?

"Cool party", Jeno says as they step outside. The door closes behind them with a squeaky sound, the music fades, the cold kicks in, and suddenly it's just the two of them under the gentle December snow.

Jaemin smiles, "Isn't it? I think I know less than half of the people down there, though."

Jaemin lets go of his hand when they reach his little cabin, and Jeno waits as he looks for the key. He can already feel the cold seeping through the fabric of his sweater, and he wraps his arms around him as he looks up at the starry sky. "You were right", he says after a moment.

"About what?"

"The snow. It does look like the stars are raining on you.”

Jaemin turns to look at him. Then he looks at the sky and hums. "Isn't it pretty?"

It's the way Jaemin is smiling. It's the way he gets excited about everything, even the smallest things. It's the way he cares about the people around him, even if he doesn't notice. All that and more, is what makes Jeno look back at him and not be able to look away. It's only a moment before Jaemin realizes and his eyes find his. "Lee Jeno", he says with a smile, "If I didn't know any better I'd think you want to kiss me."

It's all Jeno needs.

Jaemin's lips are warm, even under the freezing snow. He tastes like lukewarm champagne with ice, like an Yves-Klein-blue sky, like fireworks and pitch-dark coffee. All the things Jeno hadn't noticed when he first kissed him during that rainy night, all those weeks ago, but that now he did. Because now, they had time. Now, Jeno wasn't going anywhere.

The night goes by in a blur, mainly because Jeno and Jaemin spend it making up for the lost time and sneaking to some corner to make out. They do the corny countdown at twelve and everyone cheers and keeps on partying like there's no tomorrow, a celebration of youth and the promise of the future. Jaemin shows Jeno the polaroid camera Renjun gave him for Christmas and uses all his photo papers before two a.m., only for Renjun to surprise him with a new pack he'd bought because he knew his friend all too well and had foreseen that. Everything is so great for a moment Jeno thinks he's dreaming the most wonderful dream.

He and Jaemin are swaying on the dance floor, embraced in a hug, when Jeno notices there's considerably less people than a while ago. "Why is everyone leaving?"

Jaemin lifts his head from Jeno's shoulder and looks around, "It must be late. Early. I don't know. It was already four a.m. last time I checked."

"Already?" Jeno can't help but feel disappointed. It all happened so fast. "I was having fun."

"You don't have to leave. Actually, I won't let you." Jaemin wraps his arms around Jeno again and nuzzles his neck, "I missed you for a whole month."

Jeno feels himself smile, "I missed you, too."

"You can sleep on my bed, if you want", Jaemin goes on, playing with a loose string of Jeno's sweater, "I'll lend you some comfy pants. If you want, of course. I can sleep on the couch if it makes you uncomfortable."

"No, no. I mean, it doesn't. It doesn't make me uncomfortable. Yes to the invitation to stay, that's what I meant."

He can hear the smile in Jaemin's voice, even if he can't see his face, "Great. Just let me know when."

Jeno remains silent for a few seconds, just to make it seem like he is actually considering it instead of having the answer on the tip of his tongue. He's not _that_ desperate.

"When."

Okay, maybe he _is_ that desperate.

It's not until they're back in Jaemin's room and Jaemin is looking for some extra pants that Jeno takes off his shoes and remembers he's wearing the cat-patterned socks, and he doesn't get the chance to regret his life choices before Jaemin turns to him and notices them with a grin.

"They were a gift", Jeno explains rapidly, "From Taeyong." And he _would_ be regretting his life choices if it wasn't for the fact that Jaemin is holding a pair of black pajama pants with pink bunnies all over it.

"They were a gift", Jaemin says, imitating Jeno's tone, "From myself. You've got to _own_ your animal patterned clothes, Jeno, no one's gonna take you seriously if you don't."

Jeno avoids looking at Jaemin's mocking smile as he grabs the pants, "You're really making me feel embarrassed about feeling embarrassed about wearing cat-patterned socks. That's, like, the most Jaemin thing you've ever done."

"Glad to know I'm still me." Jaemin gives him a short kiss before leaving the room to give him some privacy, and Jeno just _knows_ there's no way Jaemin is a real person who likes him. There's just no way, he's surely gonna wake up from an acid trip or whatever those things Taeyong told him about were and realise that the blue haired guy had only been a product of his imagination.

But apparently, he isn't. Jaemin comes back, a real person of flesh and bone wearing that grey oversized hoodie Jeno saw on him once and wow, Jeno can really just kiss him any time he wants now? Insane.

"I might let you keep them", Jaemin says as he goes to sit next to him, giving a look to the bunny pants Jeno is now wearing. "They look better on you."

"I find that hard to believe." Jeno turns to the window next to the bed, from where he gets to see the pale light of the moon. "I thought the moon shined through from nine to ten."

"It's actually from four to five. I didn't want you to judge me for my messed up sleeping schedule."

Jeno hums, "Well, you do work until late, so I'd say it's justified."

"That's right. I'm a hard-working man." Jaemin looks down at his sleeves, a worried expression on his face. "My parents called earlier... they said they were sorry. They told me to come over next weekend, even offered to pay for the plane ticket."

"That's great", Jeno says. "See, I told you it was gonna be alright."

Jaemin sighs, "That's what scares me, though. They actually sounded nice. What if it's an ambush?"

Jeno scoops closer and finds Jaemin's hand, and Jaemin looks up at him with big eyes. "It's gonna be alright. They are your parents, they love you."

"You think so?"

Jeno smiles, "I know so."

Jaemin bites his lip nervously, dropping his gaze towards his hands. Jeno doesn't think he's ever seen him this vulnerable. It makes his heart break a little. He lets go of Jaemin's hand and grabs his chin gently to make him look at him, "Hey, it's gonna be okay. And if it's not, I'm here for you, okay? Me and Renjun and everyone else. You're not alone in this."

Jaemin looks at him in silence, still worrying his lip. Then he scoops closer and gives him a short kiss, wrapping his arms around him before hiding his face in Jeno's neck. "I'm so glad you're here."

Jeno's heart practically explodes. The pale light from the moon falls softly on Jaemin's cheek, and Jeno wraps an arm around him before leaving a kiss on top of it, "Me too."

Jeno wakes up being bathed by the sun. He opens his eyes slowly to be greeted by the late morning light coming from the window, warm in his face. It takes him a moment to realize where he is. When he does, he turns to his side with excitement, but Jaemin isn’t there.

He sits on the bed and rubs his eyes, just then realizing how thirsty he is. He looks around, as if expecting to find Jaemin hiding somewhere. After waiting for a few minutes for him to appear without results, he gets out of bed. Then he stays like that for a while, unsure of what to do. With a wince, he remembers Jaemin saying there were no bathrooms on the rooftop, and after pondering for a moment he decides to venture outside.

The sun hits him with full force once he steps out, along with a gelid whirlwind. He locates the door to the house and runs towards it, almost tripping on his unlaced shoes about three times.

The house is quiet, and Jeno has no idea what time it is but he doubts that’s relevant given that most of the people kept on partying even after the sun came out. He goes down the first flight of stairs and considers the corridor in front of him. Oh, God. Was it the third or the fourth door? He stands in between the two for about a minute, and just when he’s about to go for the third door it busts open and he bumps into a very sleepy Renjun.

“Oh, hi”, Jeno says as he steps back.

“Well, well, well, look who stayed the night too.”

Jeno looks over the shoulder of a now slightly red Renjun to find Donghyuck, who’s giving Jeno a playful grin. It takes Jeno a moment to put two and two together.

“Ahh, I thought the third room was the bathroom, sorry!”, he says as he turns to leave.

“I just came back for my scarf!”, Renjun says quickly and out of nowhere. “I had left my scarf. In Donghyuck’s room.”

Jeno looks at him. He’s not wearing a scarf. “Okay.”

Donghyuck laughs. Renjun’s face grimaces. He approaches Jeno and gives him a menacing look. “If you tell Jaemin, I’ll kill you”, he hisses before bolting towards the stairs. Jeno just stays there, still too asleep to understand what’s going on or to give a damn.

“See you next time you forget your scarf!”, Donghyuck yells as he waves at Renjun, who’s gone in less than a second. Then he turns to Jeno. “Tell Jaemin that if he touches my soy milk, I’ll kill him”, he says before closing the door on Jeno’s face. Those were way too many death threats to handle that early in the morning.

After finding the bathroom successfully he goes back to Jaemin’s room, and when he opens the door he finds him sitting on the bed with a bendable table in front of him, filled with food.

"Good morning!", he says with a bright smile, "Was afraid you had already left, but then I thought, there's no way he's going out dressed like that."

Jeno looks down at the pajama pants and nods, “I’m not on that stage of confidence yet.” He closes the door behind him and looks at the table with interest. There’s two plates with freshly made pancakes and two steaming mugs.

"Oh", Jaemin says, standing up and waving a hand over it, " _Voilà!_ "

"You made breakfast?"

"Yes! I had to go on a little hunting quest cause there wasn't much on my shelf, stole a few bars of chocolate from Yeri and some of Hyuckie’s soy milk, since you don't like coffee, and, uh", he gestures towards the pancakes, "I also found some other stuff to make the pancakes."

Jeno approaches the table and smiles when he sees something colorful on top of the pancakes.

"Those are on me", Jaemin says with a laugh, "Only thing that's actually mine."

"You like rainbow flakes?"

"Yeah! They're my favorite."

Jeno's kiss surprises Jaemin, and he stumbles backwards until they fall on the bed. Jaemin laughs against Jeno's lips, "That's what it takes to get you to kiss me? Same cereal?"

"It's not that. Well, it's not just that."

Jaemin hums, "You stole my toothpaste"

"Of course not. This is how my breath always tastes. Smells."

"Right." Jeno feels Jaemin's smile as he starts kissing all over his face. "Your chocolate will get cold."

"I don't care."

The chocolate did get cold, and Jeno did not care.

"... just how cool would that be, scare the shit out of guests, _Pussytronix_ —"

"In theory it _could_ work but how ethical is it? And I don't think any cat would be that pliant if you tried to stick a contact lens into their eye. Now, the _hair dye_..."

"I can't believe you're moving in with those two." Jaemin rests his head on Jeno's shoulder, voice low enough so it doesn't reach the front of the car where Jungwoo and Yangyang are sitting.

Jeno shrugs, "They had a spare room, couldn't say no."

Jungwoo’s air conditioner is broken so it’s cold as hell inside the car, even if it isn’t snowing outside. Jeno gets to see Whisker’s little head popping under the blanket Yangyang has on his lap, her leg finally all healed and ready to meet her new family. But first they had to look for Jeno’s mattress, still in Doyoung’s apartment.

“Where are we gonna put the mattress, then?” Jaemin asks when they are about a block away from the building.

“Uh, the roof, I think.”

Jaemin raises his eyebrows and looks up, “Is that allowed?”

“Oh, so indoor fireworks are cool but here you draw the line?”

“You’re never letting that go, are you?”

“As I said, _traumatized_.”

Jaemin smiles at him like someone who just saw a cute puppy before pinching his cheek, and Jeno pretends he isn’t endeared by the gesture.

Yangyang stays in the car with the pretext that he has to take care of Whiskers and Jungwoo with the pretext that he has to take care of Yangyang, so it’s just Jaemin who goes with him to get the mattress.

“Don’t even bother, it hasn’t worked in all the time I’ve been here”, Jeno tells him when he goes straight to the elevator.

Jaemin presses the button anyway, and Jeno freezes in his spot as he hears the rusty growl of an engine coming back to life.

“No, there’s no way”, Jeno says, “There’s just no way.”

The elevator arrives with a deafening sound before stopping, and Jaemin turns to Jeno with a grin that is way too smug, “You were saying?”

“We’re not getting in, I don’t want to die so young.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, it looks perfectly functional.”

“As my legs, perfectly functional to take the stairs.”

Jaemin squints his eyes playfully at him before opening the door, a foot already inside, “Race you, then.”

Jaemin gets in and just stays there, door open, waiting for Jeno to make his decision. A full fifteen seconds pass before Jeno lets out an exasperated sigh and follows him, “I’m starting to think our relationship might be lethal. For me, at least.”

“Ooh, sexy”, Jaemin says as he closes the door, sealing their doomful end. “You just gotta have a bit of hope.”

Jeno grabs onto the handlebar as the elevator trembles, then starts going upwards, “I can’t believe you.”

“It’s very heart-warming that you prefer dying with me rather than letting me die alone.”

“Don’t speak, it unsettles the elevator.”

Jaemin giggles like the morbid guy he is, meanwhile Jeno’s spirit gets on his knees and prays. He barely dares to breathe during the thirty seconds it takes the archaic elevator to reach the fifth floor, and when Jaemin opens the door Jeno practically jumps outside. Jaemin approaches with a smile and bumps his foot against Jeno’s leg, “Perfectly functional.”

“I don’t like you.”

The elevator stays there since no one who lives in the building would dare to take it, obviously, as Jeno lets out a long breath and opens the door to the apartment. But when he steps inside his spirit gets out of his body again and he lets out a sound similar to a squeal, because apparently one traumatic situation wasn’t enough for one day. Over the couch, he sees his brother thrown over Taeyong, making out with him like there’s no tomorrow.

It all happens very fast. Jeno lets his keys fall to the floor, Doyoung straightens up with fright in his eyes and falls from the couch, Taeyong lets out a mischievous giggle. Jeno is a second away from going out of the apartment and getting back in because there’s no way he hasn’t just stepped into a parallel universe.

" _What are you doing here?_ " Doyoung asks in a high pitched voice, "You said you were coming after seven!"

Jeno remains glued to the floor, a bewildered expression on his face, "I— uh— Taeyong told me I could come a bit earlier."

Doyoung gapes at him and turns to Taeyong, who‘s looking at him with a smug smile. "You _cheated_."

"Uh— what?", Jeno says, his eyes darting from one to the other, "You— what?"

"I wanted to tell you but your brother insisted to turn this into a stupid bet", Taeyong says.

"Tell me what?"

"You weren't supposed to find out until you moved out!", Doyoung tells him with a grimace, "I almost won!"

"Almost!" Taeyong says, laying back on the couch while putting his arms behind his head, "I think I’ll choose that new sushi place, we can go tonight."

Jeno gapes at the two of them, the sloth of his brain still processing the previous events. He narrows his eyes as the realization falls upon him, "You two are... dating?"

"Technically, he's already moved out", Doyoung tells Taeyong, completely ignoring Jeno, "The fact that his mattress is still here doesn't mean he _lives_ here. It's not even his! It's borrowed!"

"And who did he borrow it from?", Taeyong counter-attacks, "Jungwoo, Jeno's future flatmate."

"Actual flatmate!"

"Future!"

Jeno winces and turns to Jaemin, who has been silently watching the situation by his side, "I have no idea what’s going on.”

Jaemin gives him an understanding look and pats his arm, “Take all the time you need, I’ll make myself some coffee.”

“Wait, you knew? You’ve met them, like, once.”

Jaemin shrugs, “They remind me a bit of another pair I know.”

To Jeno’s luck Jaemin agrees to take the stairs on their way down, if only because the mattress wouldn’t fit in the tiny elevator. Jeno feels his heart tighten a little bit when he makes his last walk from his room to the door, remembering that first time he stepped in all those months ago, so uncertain about everything. His now ex-flatmates yell their goodbyes from the kitchen, and the last thing Jeno sees before closing the door is Taeyong making two cups of tea with Doyoung by his side, hugging his waist as he kisses his cheek.

Due to Jaemin’s low resistance to taking the stairs — which doesn’t really make sense since he literally lives on a rooftop — they spend an eternity going down the five floors, and even Jeno is exhausted once they reach the ground. So they just stay there, mattress under their arms, contemplating the dusty floor as they try to catch their breaths, until Jeno throws his self-respect through the window and lets the mattress fall to the floor.

“I don’t care anymore, I just— I just need to sit down for a while”, he tells Jaemin as he lets himself fall on the mattress, no-shame.

Jaemin scrunches his nose and laughs at him, "Jeno, gross."

"Shut up, the floor is probably clean."

Jaemin considers for a moment. Then he throws himself on top of Jeno and plants a kiss on his mouth.

Jeno laughs against his lips, "What if someone comes in?"

"I thought we were being rebellious, throwing the mattress on the dirty floor — crazy stuff, you know."

Jeno nods before kissing him again. It’s not like he would need too much convincing, anyway. "I still can't believe the elevator worked", Jeno says as Jaemin lays next to him.

"Maybe I'm your lucky garment, you’ll have to take me with you everywhere you go now."

"I guess I'll have to.” Jeno sighs, gaze lost in the humidity-stained roof, “I feel like so much has happened in the last few months."

"And I was the cherry on top, right?"

"You're no cherry on top, you're the whole freaking ice cream." He instantly regrets his words when he hears Jaemin's repressd laughter, "God, that was so cringy."

"It really wasn't. So, you're finally walking out of your cage now." Jeno furrows his eyebrows, so Jaemin elaborates, "The cage? Whiskers? Needing time to heal before stepping out to the big world?"

"Ohh. Yeah, I think you let that metaphor run longer than it deserved."

"The injured cat metaphor?” Jaemin says with a grin, “I let it _run_?"

"Don't turn this into a pun."

Jaemin leans forward and leaves a quick kiss on his cheek, "Too damn late."

Jungwoo gets out of the car to help them tie the mattress to the roof, Yangyang sticking his head out of the window and yelling words of encouragement that don't help at all. Jeno isn't sure how legal _or_ safe is to drive through the city with a mattress on top but he sure is not gonna question it now on his big day, his big day of moving out and spreading his wings or coming out of his cage or whatever corny metaphor fits.

Jeno looks through the window once they finally drive away, to the rows of buildings he now knows by heart, the telephone lines that get tangled with the few trees on the block. This really is his home now, no more _just visiting_. And he would be lying if he said he wasn’t scared as hell as to what the future holds — he is _terrified_ — but he won’t let that fear hold him back anymore. Even if it feels like walking blindly into the void, at least he knows he’s not the only one. And as he feels Jaemin’s fingers entwined with his, the car sliding once more into the avenue towards his new home, he knows this just _feels_ right. So, he’ll try this path. He’ll just try it, one step at a time. And, honestly, for Jeno that’s more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello lovely people, we've reached the end yay! *pops champagne* i may or may not have cried a bit writing this last part.
> 
> alright so this is about to get very corny and personal !!!! just warning you
> 
> When I started writing this story I didn't really have a specific plot in mind. I started writing it in June/July and it worked for me as an escape from the (still) current situation of things, so given that I couldn't leave my house I started to live through this story, visiting places from my own memory, making up others or doing a mix of both. Unlike Jeno in this story I was born and raised in a city, but when I finished highschool I felt just as lost as him (and as everyone else, really). It took me a year studying something I chose rather randomly (it wasn't strictly film school but let's call it that) to realise I didn't like it and changing to another major, and it was scary as HELL. And even now, three years later and studying something I love, I still feel so uncertain about a billion things concerning my future, as I think everyone else does, especially this year when the world seems to be upside down. Looking back, though, I can now see that what I was so terribly afraid of wasn't as bad as I thought it was. So I guess this story is just me traveling to the past and giving a hug to my younger self and telling her, _it's going to be okay_. I hope I can also pass that sentiment to any readers who may be in a similar situation as Jeno, and maybe find some comfort. 
> 
> anywayyyyy, i hope you liked the ending and this story which i wrote with a lot of love ♡ please let me know who your favorite character was or your favorite part or whatever thought crosses your mind. you can even tell me your favorite song, you choose.
> 
> thank you so much, once more. thanks to everyone who's read this and sticked around, and for your lovely comments that helped me stay motivated when i felt like this story wasn't going anywhere... i wish i could give you all a hug. i carry you in my heart ♡
> 
> ps: the song that was playing with jaemin's video was I Fink U Freeky by Die Antwoord. this is very relevant information just wanted u all to know.  
> ps n°2: after leaving whiskers with chenle they went to the shelter and adopted another cat. yangyang won rock, paper, scissors so they called her Pussytronix.  
> ps n°3: as a lovely reader suggested i am now making Canon the fact that jisung has a tiktok  
> ps n°4: if dotae posts a video of them building another fishtank you better tag me on twitter and tell me i manifested that 
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/cryojun)   
>  [cc](https://curiouscat.me/hamleting_)   
>  [moodboard](https://www.pinterest.com.au/hamleting/go/)


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